Summer got away from them. One month spent searching for Castle. Another spent welcoming him home and marrying him, alongside Nationals, their honeymoon, and Addie's adoption. Things hadn't been easy, but they hadn't all been bad either. Kate was just relieved they were nearing the end of it. That the heat wasn't as suffocating and that she could whip out her boots and trench coats soon. Her wardrobe really was best suited for autumn.
But Addison was going to start high school this month. High school. She herself had still been a sweet girl in her early teen years like her daughter. High school is what brought Rebel Bex out. She was not prepared to start dealing with a teenage version of herself. Castle was already terrified at the thought, Alexis never having become that much of a wild child.
Kate just wanted Addison to age backwards, allowing her all those precious toddler years she had missed. She could handle the terrible twos if it meant she didn't have to deal with the issue of boys any time soon.
"What's on your mind?" Castle asks, sliding into bed next to her. He must have noticed her chewing on her lower lip. She does that when she's thinking about something and he knows it.
"High school," Kate sighs.
"For you or for Addie?"
She turns to look at him, offering him a small smile.
"Both I suppose."
"You know, she does keep making that comment about motorcycles to me."
Kate laughs a little at that. "Because she's noticed how riled up it gets you when she does. I don't think she's actually serious."
"I don't know, Kate. She seems pretty serious. I feel like she's determined to have one just because you do."
"Well then it's a good thing she doesn't know about my tattoo," she smirks.
Castle groans, his hand falling to her hip and stroking his thumb over her inked skin. "You should probably never bring that up around her."
"What are you suggesting? That she has ambitions to be just like me? Last time I checked, she had dreams of Broadway and not police work."
"Doesn't mean she can't still want to be the kind of person you are."
She raises an eyebrow at him. "And what kind of person is that exactly? A tattooed rebel who drives a motorcycle?"
"I wasn't talking about your teenage alter ego."
She laughs, shaking her head at him.
"You know what kind of person you are, Kate. She'd be lucky to turn out like you."
Kate shakes her head again, this time for a different reason. "No. I'm no one anyone needs to envy."
Castle leans into her, nudging his nose against her cheek. "You're too hard on yourself."
"And you're too good to me," she hums, raking her fingers through his hair.
"Well my wife deserves nothing but the best."
She smiles, turning her head to kiss him.
"Still not tired of hearing that, huh?" he smirks, when she pulls away.
She curls into his side, hooking her leg over his. "No. Never."
"So what's this ceremony thing you have to go to tomorrow?" Castle asks, changing the subject.
"Ah yes. One of the cops at our precinct is getting promoted to detective so the boys and I are going to the ceremony for support."
"Do I know this cop?" Castle asks, raising an eyebrow at her.
She nods. "He's usually the first responder at the crime scenes. I know you've met him. Last name Andrews."
"The blonde right? The one always trying to suck up to Esposito?"
Kate laughs. "That's the one."
"He's seems cool. I think I like him."
"Well I'm glad you approve," she says, nudging her head against his chest. "So you can take Addison to dance right? And pick her up?"
"Yeah, no problem. You go out hang out with your cop buddies, have fun. I should spend the night trying to write anyway."
"New Nikki?"
He sighs, skimming his hand up her back. "Not sure yet. Just have a lot of thoughts floating around in my head lately, you know?"
She nods against his chest. "Yeah. It's just been that kind of a summer."
"Autumn will be better," he promises. "It has to be."
It's been so long since she's worn her Blues she can't even remember the last time she put them on. Surely she's had to wear them for something besides Montgomery's funeral. Hasn't she? The last time she wore them really can't be when she was shot, can it? She had to get a new set anyway, the last ones being soaked in her blood and ripped apart by the EMT.
Kate shudders at the thought, missing the buttonhole as her hand shakes. She takes a deep breath, calming herself, and tries again. She really hasn't been in uniform since her shooting. She can tell by the way she's already itching to get out of it, the memories and pain starting to come back too vividly.
She thinks about what Dr. Burke told her to help her move past her PTSD as she starts to twist her hair into a bun. She slips bobby pins into it to hold the hair in place while she keeps her eyes trained on her reflection. She's not going to get shot today just because she's wearing this, they aren't mutually exclusive. She's okay. She's safe.
Kate smooths down the hem of the coat and reaches for her hat off the dresser before she heads out into the living room. Castle is heading out of his office toward the kitchen when he sees her, stopping in his tracks. She can see the panic in his eyes, the memories hitting him just as hard.
"Been a while, huh?" she asks softly.
He steps closer, but doesn't say anything. He starts to reach behind her like he wants to pull out her bun, but then must think better of it because his hand falls back to his side.
"They're new ones," she tells him. "Although the pants are the same."
He's still not saying anything. Just staring. His eyes have focused in on her chest. She hasn't really thought about what that day had been like for him. She's only ever focused on how it affected her.
"Come here."
Kate takes him by the hand and leads them back into their bedroom. She unbuttons the top of her shirt, takes his hand and slips it inside against her scar.
"I'm okay, Rick. I'm right here. I'm alive."
He nods slowly, his fingers starting to trace over the edges of her raised skin. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."
She cups his face as he drops his hand back down again. "It's okay. The same thing happened to me when I put it on."
"Guess neither of us are over it, huh?"
She rubs her thumbs over his jaw and then lets go of his face, seeking out the mirror to look at her reflection again.
"No," she finally answers him. "Hard to be over a thing like that."
Castle comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist.
"Has it really only been three years?" he asks. "It feels like so much longer than that."
"It's been a busy three years."
"That's for sure." He bumps his head into hers gently before stepping away. "You look good in uniform. Have I ever told you that?"
"You think I look good in everything," Kate says, rolling her eyes.
"This is true. Except for that Nebula 9 mask."
Castle shudders at the thought and she shoves him on her way back out to the living room. Addison is just coming down the stairs with her dance bag slung over her shoulder.
"Whoa, Mom, did someone die?" she asks.
Kate and Castle exchange a look, letting their mutual thought pass over them.
"No," Kate tells her. "A friend is getting promoted to detective. I'm going to the ceremony."
"It's weird," Addison starts, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "Seeing you in uniform like this."
"You have no idea," Castle mumbles, heading back to the kitchen. "Give me five minutes, kid, and I'll take you to dance."
Addison nods, looking back over to Kate.
"Do you wear that very often?" she asks.
Kate shakes her head. "This is the first time I've worn it in three years."
"Do you like wearing it?"
"I used to. It used to bring me this odd sense of pride. But now that I associate it with my shooting, wearing it just makes me anxious."
"That's what you were wearing when it happened?"
Kate nods. "Not this exact one. They issued me a new one because of what happened to the other. But still."
"Just try and remember tonight's a celebration," Castle calls from the kitchen. "The only thing you're saying goodbye to is Andrews' old status with the NYPD."
"You remembered his name," she smiles.
He pokes his head around the corner. "I'm excellent with names."
"Okay you two. I'm going to be late if we don't leave like now. Dad, are you ready?" Addison asks.
"One second."
"What are you doing, anyway?" Kate asks.
"Just making a quick sandwich. Addison's studio isn't exactly close and I'm hungry now," Castle explains.
Kate and Addison both roll their eyes as Kate heads toward the door.
"Okay, enjoy your class, Addie."
"Enjoy your ceremony."
