WARNING!! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS (Gasp) SEXUAL THEMES AND CENSORED LANGUAGE!! Read at your own risk, like you'll actually listen…

The four of us arrived at the correct address, we passed by cheap laborers and Mexican immigrants on the way up the path with pristine trimming and no weed in sight.

The four stood awkwardly on the welcome mat. The doorbell was labeled

Push it. I dare you.

"Well let's push it!" I said happily.

"Wait! ADAM!!" shouted Donna. "Do you have any idea how many conclusions this little choice can have on us all!?"

"No."

"Well! We could fall through the floor! The guy will come out with a big gun! The house will spontaneously combust! A creepy little girl in a red dress will come out of nowhere and blows us into blood mulch with a telepathic mind crush! Richard Simmons will dance his way up from hell for no reason whatsoever and send us into a craze of horrible aerobics! George Bush will be elected once again for president! They could have a blood hound! The door could be locked! There could… You know I think we can just shoot our way out."

"AGREED!!" I loaded my rifle with a fresh clip. I wrung the doorbell.

The lowlife thug who hangs around the house knocked on the real bosses door.

"BOSS!!" He squealed. "THE BRITS ARE ATTACKING!!"

"WHAT!!?" the boss screamed. "WHY?!!"

Somebody got up from their chair and slide onto another chair, the tapping of a keyboard could be heard.

"Hey boss!" yelled another voice. "The Brits aren't attacking! It's those guys from the Neopet's office!"

"What?" asked the Boss. "What do they want?"

"I think they want their coke back boss."

"HEY FINGAS!!" screamed the boss. "Get in here!"

Fingers stepped into the room. The boss was sitting comfortably in his arm chair while another thug was tapping into a security system.

"What do ya want me to do boss?" asked Fingers.

"Do what you always do!"

"Masturbate?"

"NO!! Open the trap door! Jeez!"

"Is that all I do here?" Asked Fingers in displease. "Open the damn trap door?"

"You Masturbate infront of that Pamela Anderson cardboard cutout every five hours! And it's weird, because I don't have a Pamela Anderson cardboard cutout! How do you get it in here so quickly?!"

"What cardboard cutout?"

There was a very disturbing pause.

"Never mind." Said the boss in awkwardness.

Fingers left. Then the boss turned back to the TV.

"WOW!!" yelled the Honeybees buddy in amazement. "I never thought when I woke up this morning I would find myself in these Egyptian ruins! Look at all the hieroglyphics!"

The honey nut cheerios bee put on a pair of goggles.

"According to my decoder goggles (Seriously, what the F--K!!?), it says…"

"WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!!" yelled the other Honey nut cheerios bees' friend. There was a very long pause.

"What Franky!?" yelled the honey nut Cheerios bee in frustration. "What!? What the crap do you want Franky!? Did I ask you to speak politely Franky!? What exactly is your problem with the script Franky!? Are you pissed because it doesn't make any sense, Franky?! Did you leave your Nintendo DS at home Franky!? Do we have to go through a fast forward of walking back to America to get your Nintendo DS so you will not get bored Franky!? WHAT THE F--K DO YOU WANT FRANKY!!? WHAT THE F--K DID YOU HAVE TO INTERUPT ME FOR FRANKY!!? WHAT IN GODS NAME DO YOU F--KING WANT FRANKY!!?

Franky lost his words, but then.

"You have Decoder goggles!?"

"Yeah! You got a problem with that?"

"You have decoder goggles?!"

"Yeah!"

"DECODER!! GOGGLES!!?

"Jeez… you don't have to yell."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU USE THE DECODER GOGGLES TO FIGURE OUT THE FRIGGIN MAP BACK IN CAIRO!!? HUH!! DID YOU FIND IT FUNNY TO WALK INTO A BUTCHER SHOP AND INSULT THE OWNERS DAUGHTER WHEN YOU WERE REALLY ASKING HER FOR DIRECTIONS!!? DID YOU MEAN TO GET DANNY KILLED!!? WHAT IN HELLS NAME WERE YOU THINKING!!? OH I KNOW!! YOU WERE'NT THINKING AT ALL!!"

The silence was once again put into an eerie play.

"I didn't mean too."

"BULLCRAP!!"

Honey Nut cheerios! Part of this Nutritious Breakfast!

"Wow these commercials are getting better and better!" said the boss in amusement

Fingers put the trap door into fall position. The foursome shortly fell into a dark pit.

WHOA I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING!!" I screamed as I fell deeper into the darkness and the opening became a small star in a black sky.

"Holy crap!" yelled a police officer. "Those guys just fell into a hole!"

"Jeez Sebastian." Warned his partner. "The guy who lives there looks pretty rich."

"Oh yeah, I guess that means we can't press charges, arrest or beat anyone with a club!"

"Let's go to Dunkin Donuts!"

The thump on my head seemed like it was burrowing it's way into my brain with a blunt butter knife. And that bloody hurts. I snapped my eyes open to adjust to the shifting darkness. Every time I opened my eye lids it felt like Disney released another head splitting TV show for kids, and that's even worse than the butter knife. I don't why a TV show hurts more than a butter knife digging into your head, it's just one of the mysteries that cannot be explained. Unless science gets involved.

There was a lot of movement next to me.

"Man this sucks even more than Crazy Taxi!" yelled Todd in sadness.

The door swung open, flooding the room with light.

"Wow you did a good job Fingers!" said the boss in amazement. "You got em all in chairs and everything! It's weird to know that this used to be my wine seller! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH ALL THE WINE FINGERS!!?"

"It's in your room, boss."

"Hey thanks, now I won't have to come down to my seventy-five story basement to get loaded! I don't know why I put it right at the last floor."

"Yeah boss, they don't have anything to say, we have their coke and their guns. But we can always torture them until we get their pin numbers!"

"Screw that," said the boss. "I have more than eight hundred million dollars! I don't need 4.99! Just kill them!"

"But boss this is a new shirt."

"OH WERE YOUR PANTS NEW!!? YOU KNOW!! RIGHT BEFORE YOU BLEW YOUR MAN GRAVY ALL OVER IT!!?"

"Not a good enough point to make me kill three people and one Governor. Let's just call Ice Pick down here to deal with them, he once killed nineteen people with a cell phone."

"Why not."

The door slammed shut.

"Did any of you hear that!?"

"The thing about the man gravy!?" asked Todd quickly.

"NO!! These guys are going to kill us all! Over a case of Cocoa Cola!

Man I just realized how sad this whole thing is."

"Yoo and me both!" said Arnold. "If onlee I had some Mountain Doo, then I wood eesily break out of theese leetile mon chair!"

"What's man gravy?" asked Donna Curiously.

"Well.." stuttered Todd. "It's…"

"WHOA YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!" objected Dan loudly.

FlippedoutKyrii turned around.

"And why do you care all of the sudden about what I put into this thing?"

"Because if you write that down, you'll get angry emails! And then It would slow down your internet connection so then I wouldn't be able to surf the internet in peace without my retarded brother bursting in, eating all my food and waiting for me to be gone before looking at gay rape monkey porn!" (Me and Dan think he does that, because for some reason Dan has a lot of spy ware and there's a lot of strange sites on his history page)

"It's all about you!?" I said coldly. "Isn't it?"

"Yes. Yes it is."

I deleted the next paragraph.

"And that about concludes the male self pleasure system! Should I go on with…"

"FOR GOD SAKES NO!!" Screamed Donna in terror.

The door swung open once again, this time a man wearing a hood walked into the room with a VCR and a Television.

"Do you expect us to talk?!" I taunted.

"No of course not Adam, I want you to spam!" said the strange man. "Of course I don't want you to talk! There's nothing for me to extract out of any of you! I don't need anything from any of you guys! I just want you all to suffer!"

"And what kind of leetile mon tortoore is theese?" asked Arnold boringly.

The strange man turned on the Television and slipped in a tape. Then…

Then… the movie that played was called...

Called...

It's almost painful to write down…

Swept Away, Starring Madonna.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" The foursome screamed in terror. (Wow, note the long scream).

The straps were released, they were all free. But then the strange left a 38. Smith & Wesson Revolver on a nearby table, then he shuts the door.

Two minutes later…

"I don't know how much I can last. Everyone else seems to be succumbing to the terrible…. NESS of it all! Madonna… Madonna… MADONNA I WANT TO SNAP YOUR NECK AND STAB YOU IN YOUR SPINAL CORD AND PUT A POTATO PEELER TO YOUR FACE!!

Five minutes later…

"Even Arnold is looking fidgety, that Revolver looks mighty nice right about now, almost… Like it will set us free… MADONNA I WANT TO SHOOT YOU IN THE KIDNEYS!! WHERE THE HELL DO YOU LIVE!!?"

Ten minutes later…

"THAT'S IT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!" screamed Donna in agony. She lunged for the Revolver with all her might. Todd swore and jumped for the revolver too, Me and Arnold Jumped right on top of the lot.

"I said it first! I must die first!"

"THIS MOVIE IS WORSE THAN ALL THE DEAD PUPPIES IN THE WORLD MULTIPLIED BY ALL THE DEAD KITTENS IN THE WORLD!!"

"I MUST DIE! GEET OUT OF MY WAY LEETILE MON!!"

"I MUST YELL TOO!!"

The four of us were fighting over a Revolver, but suddenly, it discharged, blowing the Television to pieces and also conveniently destroying the gas valve on the opposite side of the door. Setting us free once again.

"Well that was kind of convenient."

The four of us looked at the smoking and sparking television.

"Man why didn't we just do that in the first place?"

"I don not knoo Leetile Girl." Answered Arnold. It was almost like a sort of anti-destructo barrier of some sort!"

"Hey look guys!" yelled Todd as he pointed in the opposite direction. "Our guns!" All of our weapons were conveniently stacked on a nearby covenient gun rack. conveniently Polished and conveniently fully loaded. Also our convenient ammo cache was conveniently placed next to a convenient Soda dispenser conveniently selling mountain Dew that conveniently regenerates Arnolds strength…

conveniently.

Wow… gee… talk about convenience."

(Throat is sore)

Will the foursome get out of the seventy-five story basement and escape the Mansion of death alive? Will I receive any emails about how many times I've censored the F word? Will I receive another alert? Will I…

I…

Man I feel like I was just beating a dead horse with this chapter.

TUNE IN NEXT EPISODE!!