Chapter 4: Indecisive Heart
All through the rest of the day, Daniel somehow managed to find me everywhere in the hallways. Whenever I stepped out of the classroom, there he was, wearing a cute smile and ready to walk with me to whatever class I had next before he went to his own. He even sat with my friends and I at lunch, which made practically everyone in the school look at our group in absolute shock.
At the end of the day, he stood with me at my locker, holding my bag. "I'm sorry about this, you know," he said quietly.
I looked at him startled, "What is there to be sorry for? You've done nothing wrong."
He waved his hands at the staring students, "This, I'm sorry about this. I know you aren't used to so much attention, and I've only brought it on you by clinging to you all of today."
I blushed a light pink color, "It's fine; I don't mind at all."
"How about your friends?"
I glanced at Chloe and Nicole, who were flirting with a set of Daniels' friends, "I think they're good."
"Are you sure?"
I smiled lightly as I took my bag from him, "Yeah, definitely." Even though I said that, there was a part of me, a small part to be clear, that wished he would go away so I would have time to figure out what was up with Arsenio. There was something up with him, that I knew for sure, but damn me, I didn't know what it was! No matter how much I thought about it, the only conclusion I could come up with was that I reminded him of his ex-girlfriend who broke up with him, and that made no sense to me; since it was probably obvious we were different people. Even so, no matter what it was, I was determined to find out what it was.
Daniel didn't walk me home that day, something that I was half grateful, half disappointed. Him leaving meant I could go find out where Arsenio had gone, but it also meant that Daniel was leaving me. It didn't matter how much I thought about it; I could not decide whether I was more sad or happy that he had left me.
When I got home, the first thing I knew was that something was baking. For a moment, my heart leapt, 'Arsenio!' I dropped my bag and my coat and pretty much ran into the kitchen, my face alight with hope.
When I got to the kitchen, my face fell, along with my hopes, which I found weird. "Oh, welcome home honey," my mom smiled at me, lifting a tray of brownies from the oven. "I just finished your favorite brownies; come have some."
She must've seen my stricken expression, because she put down the brownies on the stove and moved towards me with a concerned expression, "Honey, are you okay? Did something happen at school?"
I shook my head rapidly, "No, no, school is fine. It's just…" I hesitated then: should I tell her that Arsenio had only left so early because I had hurt him? Or should I just pretend that it was nothing? I decided on the latter, "It's just, I'm a bit tired, and I was hoping to get to know Arsenio a bit better before he left."
"Well, he and his father are just living about 20 minutes away; how about we pay them a visit later?"
My head snapped up at that, "They live that close?" I blurted, "Why haven't we gone already then?"
She looked startled at my excitement, "I thought you didn't want to see Arsenio; I didn't hear such good sounds from either of your rooms last night."
I waved a hand impatiently, "That was nothing," I lied, "When can we get going?"
"Not now, maybe tomorrow," she said as she piled the brownies onto a plate, "You have homework to do, and you told me you and Nicole were doing a project together today."
I cursed quietly in my head amidst wondering if I would even be able to stand that long wondering what the hell was going up with Arsenio. Sadly, I didn't have a choice. I let my shoulders sag in defeat and waved a hand, "Right, I totally forgot about that."
She shot me a concerned look as I stole a brownie from the plate she had placed them on before I retreated to my room. For the rest of the night, even as I was working with Nicole on our project, I thought about Arsenio. Like I had before, I kept tossing thoughts around in my mind, kept throwing around the questions I could not answer without his help. What would I say to him when I saw him tomorrow? What would he say? Would he be mad? Would he hate me? Would he scream at me to get out and never come back? That seemed likely; he'd already done it once after all.
The next day, I was still thinking about it even as my mom drove me to school. As we got to the main entrance, she stopped and said, "Elena, wait a moment."
I glanced at her warily out of the corner of my eye, "What is it?"
"What's going on with you lately? You didn't seem like yourself yesterday, as well as today. I want to help you, honey. Are you having boy trouble?"
If that doesn't say awkward, I don't know what does. I waved it off, pretending I was fine, "I'm fine mom, really; I'm just thinking about something, and I didn't get much sleep last night."
Giving her one last smile, I opened the car door and hopped out; slamming the door shut on anything else she might have had to say. Without a look back, I walked into the school, humming a little tune. A set of arms enveloped me at the door, and a quiet whispered, "Morning, beautiful."
My heart almost came to a stand-still at Daniel's forwardness, then, I blushed a deep shade of crimson and gave him a hug, "Hey yourself."
He released me and stepped back, wearing a heart-stopping smile, "I can't wait for tonight," he said huskily, "I was planning it all night." He blushed when he realized what he said and ducked his head, "Sorry, that makes me sound like an over-possessive jerk, doesn't it?"
I had no idea, no frickin' idea, what to say. What the hell was a girl suppose to do when the boy she had been crushing on forever admitted that he had spent the entire night trying to make your first date absolutely perfect? Hell, it was enough to make any girl's heart stop, as it almost did for mine. "N-no," I stuttered, "It's totally fine; I'm just flattered you would spend so much time thinking about it at all."
He smiled shyly at me, "Of course I would; a girl as beautiful as you deserves special attention." Whoa, dude was laying it a bit thick today, wasn't he? Even so, I can't exactly say I had many problems with it.
He walked me to class and all around the school that day, just as he had the last. His attention brought the attention of the entire school, just as it had yesterday, and he sweet-talked me all day, just like yesterday. In all likeness, it was the exact same as yesterday, except today, he did not ask me out.
Like yesterday, the moment he was around, all thoughts of Arsenio were dashed from my mind the moment he was near me. I tried to pretend that it was simply because I was so into him, but I had a gut feeling, something deep in my mind, that knew that this was wrong. And no matter how many arguments I threw at it, it refused to go away. The most I could do was ignore it for now and bask in the attention he shone on me and enjoy it while it was here.
That day, at the end of the day, he walked me to the main door and gave me a kiss on the cheek, as I was about to leave. "I'll come pick you up at 6 sharp," he smiled, his eyes shining brightly, "I'd greatly prefer not leaving your side at all, but I'm afraid I have some arrangements to make, so I'll see you later." He smiled once more at me before turning away to find some of his friends.
I watched his retreating back, my breathing not at all normal, and then, the thought of Arsenio slammed into my mind, almost knocking me over. I'd completely forgotten about him over the course today, but now I remembered what I had been planning all of last night. Today, I would see him, and I would find out what he was hiding from me. Hopefully. No such luck.
When I got home, I all but forced my mom out of the house and over to Arsenio's new place. When we got there, he answered the door, and narrowed his eyes at me, looking not at all friendly, but very, very manly. He invited us into his house cautiously, his eyes purposely avoiding my own. I went through all the proper niceties with his father, complimenting his new house, before turning to Arsenio and asking for a private word. The look on his face told me he very much wanted to say no, very much wanted to tell me he was busy, but something on his face held him back, would not let him deny me, and I played on that, saying that I needed help with something. At last, he agreed, and led me into the living room, away from the kitchen where our parents were.
When we got there, I turned on him, planting my hands on my hips. He raised an eyebrow at me, a silent challenge in his eyes. They dared me to ask him what was going on, to ask him why he had acted like a little girl. I knew he would have an answer for me, truthful or not, so I stepped into the bait.
I raised my chin and looked him in the eye, my eyes burning with anger, "Tell me why."
"Why what?" he mocked, "I thought the princess knew everything."
I was taken back by his answer; why was he doing this? Why was he so mad at me? "Why did you hide your personality?" I demanded, "Why did you show me this girly side when it is clearly not at all who you are?"
"And why, pray tell, should I answer you?" he snapped.
"If not that, then at least tell me what it is that I have done to deserve your anger." What the heck was up with my wording? I sounded like something from 1800' or something.
He ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated, but why, I still did not know. Turning away, he did not speak for some time. "I'm not angry at you," he said at last. He said that, and nothing more.
"Then why, good sir, do you use such a smoldering tone in my presence?"
It was clear my choice of wording was confusing him as much as it was me. His eyes met mine once more the challenge back in his eyes, "You broke up with me," he said, the mocking tone back in his voice, "I do believe I have the right to be upset with you."
"And that brings me back to my original question: why did you show me someone you clearly are not? Why do you hide who you are from me? What have I ever done to wrong you?"
He lifted his head in pride, "I have no need to explain to you, my lady."
I took a dangerous step towards him, "I believe you do, sir. I believe you have a lot to explain to me, because I deserve not to be lied to and made a mockery of, so I demand you answer my question now, or I will be forced to take drastic measures." I wasn't sure I was saying what I was; it was all just spewing out of my mouth on its own, under no direction from me.
I felt a presence at the edge of my mind, something old and powerful, something that wanted the past righted. I did not fear it, oddly enough. Instead, I welcomed it, and brought its power to me. It wasn't until later that I could even remember what had happened.
I heard Arsenio speak, as if from far away, but it was no longer me he spoke to, but a person that occupied my body. "And exactly what would be those drastic measures?"
The me and not me, opened my mouth, and a single word came out, "Emile."
Arsenio froze at that name and looked at me in horror. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. Then, he whispered, "How?"
The not me tossed my hair over my shoulder, giving him an imperious look, "Did you think I would not come back, Emile?"
"What are you doing here, Alana?" he demanded, "Why are you inhabiting this girl's body?" Inhabiting my body?
The not me, Alana, smiled a devious smile at him, obviously enjoying his discomfort, "This girl is attached to me, in a way you would not believe possible, and now, I believe you owe this girl some explanations, and me as well."
Okay, I had it; I wanted my body back. I tugged at my body, trying to take it back, but she was strong! She went away willingly, and I opened my eyes, to find Arsenio staring at me with an expression full of, what was that…? Longing? My body felt so heavy, and I was so tired for some reason. The last thing I saw was his face before the darkness consumed me.
The next thing I knew, I was lying on a bed with a soft quilt tucked around me. I sat up and looked around, and met Arsenio's brown eyes. I blushed a deep shade of red, and still his intense gaze did not leave me. I gulped and managed a weak smile, "Did you know it's very weird waking up and seeing a guy staring at you without looking away even once?"
He still didn't look away, "What do you remember?" he asked harshly instead.
I blinked at him in confusion, and then considered his question. What did I remember? I remembered coming to find him, and talking to him about why he was acting the way he was, but beyond that I did not know. The last thing I remembered was fainting. I related all of this to him, and he nodded, his eyebrows furrowed in thought.
"Is there something I should know?" I asked hesitantly.
He shook his head, "It's nothing, forget it."
"Then are you going to answer my earlier question? Why did you act like a girl around me?"
He looked distracted, and perhaps that was the reason he gave me an answer at all. "I want you to stay away from me; that was why I did it. I want you to stay the hell away from me, because if you get close, bad things will happen to you."
That wasn't the answer I had been expecting, "What? Why? Why are bad things going to happen to me?"
He ran a hand through his hair, "I can't explain that, not now, but I need you to trust my judgment, Elena; I'm doing this for your sake, not my own." His eyes closed off at the next part, "Besides, I just don't feel that way about you. Not now, not ever."
I knew it was a lie, it was so obvious, but that didn't make it sting any less. My treacherous eyes felt like welling up with tears, and I resisted the urge to flee from the room lest I embarrass myself further. So, I played it off like it didn't matter to me, "That's totally cool. Just glad to know how you really feel."
The look in his eyes, that he tried to hide made it clear to me that it was absolutely tearing him apart to have said that, but he had no right to feel like that when it was me he had intended to hurt. I stood and turned to leave, but remembered one last thing, "One more thing: what was that you were going to call me before? A- something?"
He didn't raise his head, nor did he move. I almost thought he wouldn't answer, so I excused myself and turned to leave. I had just opened the door and stepped out into the hallway when I heard his voice saying one word. "Alana."
I closed the door behind myself and begged my mom to leave. When we got home, I had about 2 hours before I had to get ready to go out with Daniel, but I just laid in bed and thought. My head told me that Daniel was the better choice, always had been, since I had been crushing on him for so long, but my heart, my indecisive heart, had to disagree.
