Teen Titans

Carved Glass

.:Chapter Five:.

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I sat on the curb of a small street, feeling lost and alone and terribly sad without Beast Boy's company. I stared up at the store across from me, not really registering what was happening around my small, dark world. I knew deep inside my heart that I couldn't keep meeting with Beast Boy. It was only a matter of time before his dark friend got close enough to see into my heart – and she wouldn't like what she found. I bowed my head, feeling ashamed. Even if I longed to be with him, it was impossible. I was dirty. I was evil. I couldn't change that. If he knew, he'd turn his back on me. He'd never look me in the eye again. He'd hate me. I shuddered as I imagined him handing me off to his friends and how they'd torture me worse than master ever did. My heart ached terribly as I buried my head in my hands. If only I could have met him before, when my life was full of freedom – but perhaps then I wouldn't appreciate his smile as much. Even so, at least I could look at him with innocent eyes.

"Hey, miss, are you alright?" I looked up to see a kindly looking old man leaning over me, a concerned frown on his face.

"I'm fine, sir, thank you," I replied with a listless smile.

"Ah," the old man said, resting both hands on the handle of his wooden cane, "So it's an ailment of the heart, is it?" His compassionate and understanding face nearly broke my heart all over again. Who was I that I deserved the kindness of this man? I had nothing to give to the world, but people always seemed to come my way. The blind man, Jerry. Beast Boy. This elderly man standing over me, concerned for a girl he'd never met. All helping that girl who deserved nothing. Nothing but the pain she'd always known.

"I just… I don't know what to do anymore." I said, though it suddenly dawned on me that I'd never really known what to do. I sighed.

"Well," the old man said, gesturing to a nearby bench I hadn't noticed before in my despair, "Why don't we have a seat and talk about it?" I joined him there, feeling the warmth of his companionship. Even if I didn't deserve it, and even if he wasn't Beast Boy, he was someone to talk to. A person who cared for some unfathomable reason.

"So, what seems to be the problem?" The old man asked, smiling at me in a friendly way, the wrinkles around his eyes forming distinct smile lines. Even if he was a bit stooped over, he looked healthy. His blue eyes seemed to shine with a brightness of spirit that I'd lacked pretty much all my life. Somehow he was like Beast Boy. Or maybe every kind person reminded me of my green-skinned friend.

"Well… there's this boy… I really like…" I said hesitantly. I knew I couldn't tell the man the whole truth – that would put him in danger for one thing, and it would sound totally absurd for another.

"Ah, a boy." The man said with a knowing gleam in his eye.

"Well, it's just… I want to be around him. He's the only person I feel close to, the only person I've ever wanted to really trust. But… but if he finds out about… about my family… and about who I really am… then he'll probably hate me." I looked down at my hands, noticing that I'd been twiddling my thumbs. I set them both on my lap. "He has a friend… that knows about my family. And I can't avoid that friend when I'm with him. So I guess the only option… is to never see him again." I felt the tears filling my eyes, blurring my vision. I'd grown used to crying. I'd had plenty of occasions in my life. But this was one of the first times I cried for someone else. This was the first time that I cried really wanting a specific person to come and comfort me.

"It seems to me," the old man said gently, placing his bony hand on my shoulder, "That there are plenty more options than just that." I looked up into his face, my eyes round.

"Really? Like what?" I asked.

"Well, you can never see him again, that's true. Or you could wait until this friend of his tells him who you are and where you come from. Or… you can just tell him that for yourself."

"But… but he'll… he's…" I stammered, willing this man to understand the predicament I was in.

"Now, now. Do you trust this boy?" The man prompted, gazing sternly into my face. I opened my mouth, feeling the answer in my heart as I responded;

"Yes."

"And do you feel that he trusts you?"

"I don't know," I murmured, when in fact I knew that he did trust me. Beast Boy was the type of person to trust anyone.

"And do you love him?" The question stunned me. I sat back, looking at the old man with a confused and shocked expression on my face. I knew he could see a lifetime's worth of sorrow and regret and pain in my eyes. And I could see that I'd surprised him, too. But he remained silent, letting my heart wrestle with my mind. I knew I shouldn't love Beast Boy. I knew it was almost impossible – we hadn't known each other that long. I knew that the fear of what he'd do if he knew should frighten me. I knew that I shouldn't even trust him, yet I did with every fiber of my being. I opened my mouth to say something, but the words wouldn't come.

"Once you've decided on that point," the man said, patting my knee and standing, "Then I think you'll know what to do." He gave me one last kind smile and then merged into a small crowd, disappearing among the throngs. I stared after him for a moment, and then smiled.

It had been three days since I'd last seen Beast Boy. The days passed slowly, miserably. I scrounged up whatever I could to eat and keep up my strength. The Bond still threatened me, an ever-pulsing danger that fed off of my weakness and despair. The dull ache and the exhaustion had become common feelings for me, just as being chained in a dark room for twelve years had. But without Beast Boy to distract me, I noticed it more than I'd like. The sun shone down on the fountain where I'd met him for our picnic, shimmering across the surface of the water like dozens of diamonds dancing in the daylight. I had washed my clothes in it the night prior, and they were still a little wet. I had to wonder if Beast Boy would have noticed it sooner or later. I sighed.

"Leila?" I started. The voice was not really familiar, and yet I'd definitely heard it somewhere before. I turned and looked over my shoulder, stunned to see Beast Boy's friend, the mechanical man, Cyborg. I turned slowly, letting my wet feet dangle over the side of the fountain as I stared at him.

"Yes," I said quietly, "That's me."

"Wow! BB's been looking like a madman for three days and I stumble across you by coincidence," he mused, looking a bit smug.

"Beast Boy has been looking for me?" I asked, feeling as if my heart had suddenly taken flight. Was he really that concerned about me? Did he think of me as often as I thought of him? Did his entire world seem dismal without me there, as mine did without him? It was almost too much to dream of, let alone believe.

"Oh yeah. He was real sulky after you wandered off. Mind if I sit down?" Cyborb motioned to the place beside me. I hesitated, looking around. The dark one wasn't with him.

"Well, alright," I said, watching as he hunkered down beside me. The sunlight glanced off of his metal appendages, as blinding as the fountain water at times. I looked up and saw he was looking at me intently, his expression relaxed.

"So you're not afraid of me, then?" He mused, a slight grin on his face.

"N-not… not really…" I stammered, although I was afraid of what he'd do to me if he knew the truth. Master said he knew lots of ways to make machines hurt people. I shivered at the thought.

"Well that's good. When you saw me and Raven you look as though a pack of jackals were after you." Cyborg studied the expression on my face with that surprisingly irritating, searching look of his. Was he suspecting me already? Did he know? Had the dark girl gotten close enough to peer into my mind after all?

"I'm just… I don't get along with people very well." I said, looking down at my hands.

"Abnormal people, or just… people?" Cyborg inquired.

"Just people. Actually I think I get along better with abnormal people than the everyday types," I sighed, thinking of how I'd never had a single friend until Beast Boy – or at least one I could remember.

"So… what do you think of Beast Boy?" I looked up, surprised.

"Huh?"

"I know it's a bit of an odd thing to ask," Cyborg said hastily, looking a bit embarrassed, "But he's my friend, and he's become really attached to you. I just… I don't want him hurt anymore." He sighed. I looked up at the sky, thinking. But the words came out of my mouth before I could really check them, flowing like water over rocks.

"He's the only happiness I've ever known. Before I met him, I didn't have a friend or hope in the world. But he's become all that to me, in a really short time. I feel that we are… we're similar, somehow. But I can't be like him. I can't… be happy like he can. I can't smile. I can't laugh. Not without Beast Boy. He's become… like the sun to me. I need him. Without him, my world is dark, and I feel all alone…" My voice trailed off as my eyes dropped to my hands. I sneaked a peak at Cyborg and saw that he looked surprised.

"So you like him, then?" He smirked at me.

"I shouldn't. I'm not good for him." I responded gently, my voice filled with the deepest sorrow, and I could feel it in my chest like a raging fire, dampened by cold water suddenly, leaving nothing but pitiful, suffocating smoke.

"Why not?" Cyborg prompted.

"Because he's the sun. I'm… I'm like the moon. He's warm and bright and happy. I'm cold and surrounded by darkness and despair. Even if he somehow takes away my past, makes me feel... whole… for the first time in my life… I'll only drag him down." I said, feeling the terrible truth of my words and hating the way they tasted. I wish I could fill my mouth with water and just wash away the words, the truths, the pain. I wish I could spit them out, along with the Bond, and just live for once.

"He had a girlfriend once, you know," Cyborg said suddenly. I looked up at him, surprised. "Her name was Terra. She was bubbly, energetic, and she became a member of our team. But she betrayed us all. She was the apprentice of one of our enemies. In the end, though, she gave up her memories and freedom for us – for him. And Beast Boy couldn't forget that. But when he's with you, I can see the way he laughs. He's himself again, if only for a while. I don't think it's just you that needs the other." Cyborg looked down at me with an open, friendly expression, and I felt as if I'd had my head thrust underwater and I was struggling to breathe.

"Broken trust," I sighed, looking away, "I don't think he could take that again."

"And do you think that will happen?" Cyborg looked at me, and I could feel his attention like it was a tangible thing, something I could touch and taste and smell.

"It's… unavoidable." I said at last.

"And why is that?" For a moment I considered telling him. Even if it meant getting tortured, maybe the normal people – the innocent people that weren't dirty and despicable like me – would be helped by it. Maybe I could make a difference.

"Because I…" The words caught in my throat. Fear filled me, messing with my resolve. I bowed my head, resigned. I just couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough. "I've made so many mistakes. I'm so tainted… dirty… horrible. He wouldn't forgive me." Tears filled my eyes, blinding me. I stood up, shaking my head as the Bond filled my body with pain, feeding off of my sorrow and fighting my control, "He would never forgive me." With that, I ran away, ignoring Cyborg's voice calling after me.

.~/.*~*./~.

Cyborg sat at his workbench, busying himself with making a new security camera after a wayward basketball took out the old one. As he fused parts, sorted through wires, and adjusted lenses, he thought about Beast Boy's friend and his talk with her. He hadn't told Beast Boy yet, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to. There was something about the things she'd said that had made him… cautious. He'd been especially unnerved by the look in her eye when she said Beast Boy would never forgive her. She obviously knew him well enough to know BB rarely held grudges, so it had to be something bad. She'd called herself the moon – dark, cold. She'd said she was tainted and dirty. She was sure that if she opened up to BB, he would never trust her again. Cyborg couldn't begin to guess at what she'd gone through. His mind worked through a thousand different scenarios, but he couldn't decide on any of them. For the past three days, Beast Boy had been practically a zombie. What more would he go through for this girl he barely knew? What more would he suffer until he realized he should just leave her alone before she became another Terra?

"Cyborg?" Starfire's voice interrupted Cyborg's thoughts. He turned slowly, looking at her worried expression and wondering what this could be about.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Beast Boy is home again. He is looking rather upset. I do not know what to do to encourage him." She said sadly, "He does not want to have a contest of the food eating, nor does he want to play the video games with me."

"BB's just stressed right now, Star. I'll talk to him." Cyborg said, standing. Starfire smiled, nodding, seeming to trust that Beast Boy's closest friend would know exactly how to cheer him up. Cyborg walked through the long halls of Titan's Tower, stopping outside Beast Boy's bedroom. He knocked once, listening as a loud thump resonated from the other side of the door. It opened in a quick motion, revealing Beast Boy's worn, sad face.

"What's up?" He asked monotonously. Cyborg hesitated. Would this really be a good thing to tell him?

"I saw your girl today at the park." He said at last, wishing he could be sure he was doing the right thing. Beast Boy's eyes lit up suddenly.

"Really? Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah, I did," Cyborg replied evenly.

"Did she say anything?" Beast Boy prompted, looking like a child with his eyes sparkling. If he'd been a dog, his tail would have been wagging quick enough to appear invisible.

"Beast Boy… I'm not sure if you should get involved with her. She seems… sort of… lost, if you know what I mean." Beast Boy frowned, his hand on the door, his eyes distant.

"She understands me," he said quietly.

"Yes, she does. She told me so herself," Cyborg murmured, feeling as if he were egging Beast Boy on when he should be telling him the truth. "But that's the problem, BB."
"What do you mean?" Beast Boy asked, looking defensive, his eyes filling with anger and confusion.

"She doesn't want to get close to you, BB. She said so. She doesn't want to… to let you down," Cyborh said gently, knowing that his words weren't the whole truth, but they were close enough.

"What? W-what are you saying? You… you don't… I…" Beast Boy looked crushed, his ears flicking down like a puppy's while his eyes grew huge and filled with expressions of hurt and dismay. Cyborg flinched, wishing he could encourage his friend, and hating that he had to be the bearer of bad news.

"Look, BB… she didn't really tell me any specifics. But she said that if you and her… got close… she'd just end up hurting you. And she was serious, dude. I'm sorry." Cyborg muttered, feeling the weight of his friendship like heavy stones on his shoulders. Beast Boy looked up at him, and in that moment all the expression just died away, replaced by a terrifying emptiness.

"Okay," he said quietly, "I get it." And with that, the door slammed in Cyborg's face.

./~/.*./~/.

Terra walked with her friends out of their high school, chatting about classes or afternoon plans or anything that interested them. But Terra was already looking around, searching the crowd for a familiar figure.

"Are you looking for your boyfriend?" Her friend Meghan asked.

"What? He's not-" Terra began, whipping around to face her. But then her eyes fell on Shadow, his tall form dark against a dark alley wall, his face hidden by his mask. It was hard to tell he was wearing one, though, since he was standing in the shade, and for that Terra was grateful. She didn't want her friends to think that the person she hung out with every day was weird.

"I'd better go. He'll be here soon. See you guys!" Terra exclaimed, running towards Shadow but trying to look inconspicuous. She paused beside him, waiting until her friends were gone, before turning to look at him with a wide grin on her face.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" She asked cheerfully.

"Today we will start looking for the student," he replied, turning. Terra followed instinctively, accepting the goggles and walkie talkie that he offered her.

"Do you think I'm ready?" Terra asked hopefully.

"Of course," Shadow replied, "You've worked hard." They strolled down the street together, she in her jeans and yellow T-shirt and he in his customary black attire. She marveled over how muscular he was, and how he seemed to move with the grace and stealth of a panther. Shadow stopped suddenly, turning.

"We will be looking in several areas. You are searching for a black-haired girl with grey eyes. She is thin and pale and will react badly to this." He handed Terra a small sound recorder. She pressed the play button. A voice filled the air, soft and gentle, singing. "Softly, oh softly, may the roses fall softly… gently, my dear, as I pass through the valley…" It was an old lullaby, one that Terra was not altogether unfamiliar with. She looked up at Shadow and tilted her head to one side.

"Trust me," he said, his gaze distant and sad, "She will know that sound and she will feel a despair more keen than any a normal person could hope to know." He paused, then looked back at Terra.

"Do you understand your mission, Terra?" He asked, his gaze serious.

"Yes," she replied breathlessly, excited for a chance to please Shadow, "I won't fail you!"


Author's Note: Thanks for reading Carved Glass! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I'm sorry for my wildly unpredictable updates - life is hectic and chaotic and confusing and all that good stuff =w= But on an up note I got to go to my first anime convention this past weekend! It was AWESOME! o I feel like I have a second home now ^v^ Anywho, I hope you all look forward to the next chap. Danke for reading XD

-Lion