Cideredward
Disclaimer: I do not own FMA
Prologue:
"Do you really thing that I would do you stupid stories after what you did last time?" said Edward with a coy smile.
"I do admit that the cats making babies in your brother was wrong, but I can't help myself." said kittypirate17 apologetically. "If I do not do some bad things everyday, then my alter ego will come out and do worse things."
"Your alter ego?" asked Edward.
"Yaoi Girl." said kittypirate17 "she is a superhero of yaoi fangirls and my boyfriend turns into Yuri Boy."
"Okay… So what is the next fairy tale you are going to screw over?" said Edward.
"Cinderella." said kittypirate17 with a gleam in her eyes.
"Wait, you are not getting me in that dress!" said Edward
"You will do it or.."
"Or what? You will send the fangirls and Mary Sues after me? Are'nt you a Mary Sue too?"
"Mary Sues are people who write themselves in their own fanfics with extraordinary powers and no weaknesses. I do write myself in my fics, but not often and when I do, I am just me, not some wanna be noob."
"I see." said Edward.
"Why was I the grandma in your last fic?" growled Izumi. "I'm not old at all!"
"Why were we written out?" asked the homoculi.
"The last story was too short to put you all in. But this time I promise I will put most of the cast in." assured kittypirate17
Story:
The evil stepmother looked in misguided pleasure as CinderEdward had his butt in the air as he was scrubbing the kitchen floor. She waited until CinderEdward got close enough and she kicked him over. "You call that clean?!" she hissed as she knocked over a vase and the dirt spilled out. "Do it again."
There was a knock at the door, it was Prince Roy's messenger, Hughes. "There is to be a royal ball this Saturday at the palace. All eligible maidens are to attend." said Hughes as he passed her the envelope. "And my beautiful daughter Elisa will be attending also!" said Hughes gleefully as he pulled out pictures of his daughter. "Doesn't she look so cute in that dress I bought her?"
"No." said the evil stepmother as she slammed the door in his face. "Girls! Get down here now!" she screamed up the stairs. The two evil stepsisters ran down the stairs and tripped halfway down. "You two are so moronic sometimes." said the stepmother.
"But Mama Hoho!" said Gluttany . "Envy's big feet keep getting in the way!"
"Well, if your fat ass can move faster, then that wouldn't be a problem would it?" sneered Envy.
"Shut up, both of you!" yelled Mama Hoho (Hohenhiem). "Now what we will need to do is figure out what to wear! Prince Roy is so fine, not just any old outfit is going to work. We need the perfect outfit. I know! MINISKIRTS!"
"Hold it right there kittypirate17!" said Edward as he threw down the mop.
"What is it now?" asked kittypirate17 annoyed.
"First off, my father as the evil stepmother and Gluttony and Envy as the stepsisters. And now this! There is no way in Hell I will work for you anymore if I have to see Gluttony in a miniskirt! That is just so wrong!" said Edward as he was holding his mouth to keep the vomit in.
"Okay fine. Now back to the story." said kittypirate17.
"No Mama! My fat will fall out and make people sick!" whined Gluttony.
"Good point." said Mama Hoho as she was trying to wash away the image of Gluttony is a miniskirt.
"Excuse me, but do I get to go?" said a shy CinderEdward.
"You? Go to the ball? HAH!" said Envy as she picked up CinderEdward's rags. "The invitation said that every eligible maiden not ragamuffin."
"What makes you think that the Prince will choose you over my lovely daughters?" said Mama Hoho.
When Saturday arrived, the palace was buzzing with activity. The servents were busy decorating, baking, cleaning, and making the Prince's outfit for the ball. The Prince sat alone on the throne being bored out of his mind. His favorite servant, Riza was next to him and said "So what kind of woman are you looking for, your highness?"
"I don't know what I want." said the Prince.
At Mama Hoho's house, the girls were getting ready for the ball. Gluttony was wearing a trash bag decorated with flowers and bows (it was the only thing that would fit), much to Mama Hoho's dismay. Envy was wearing a pink halter top with a black leather miniskirt.
"What did I say about the miniskirts?!" yelled Edward.
"You said you didn't want to see Gluttony in a miniskirt. but you didn't say anything about Envy" kittypirate17 smiled.
"Crap, you got me there. Now back to the story." said Edward.
Mama Hoho was in an elegant blue gown with glitter. The neck dropped down to the middle of the thorax. She was in matching shoes and had a blue handbag. "CinderEdward, you are to stay home and clean until your fingers bleed."
"Yes, maim" said CinderEdward. When the carriage arrived to take the three to the ball, Envy shot CinderEdward a look that said "Soon, the Prince will choose me." While Cinder Edward was washing dishes, which were all broken due to Gluttony eating them, There was a bright white light coming from the garden. CinderEdward went outside to see what was going on, and when the light faded he saw…
"Wrath?" said CinderEdward. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm your fairy godmother, stupid." said Wrath as he pulled at the pink tutu and the white spandex. "Who did you expect, Liza Minnelli?"
"No, but I was expecting someone like Winry or Rose." said CinderEdward, disappointed.
"Well, you got me so deal with it." said Wrath while he was searching for his wand. "First order of business is to get you something to wear." Wrath waved his wand and suddenly they were in Dolce and Gabana clothing store. As they were browsing in the dress aisle, Wrath squeeled and picked up a dress that went down to CinderEdward's thighs. It was red with a V- neck . With a wave of his wand, they were back home in an instant. "Hmm." said Wrath as he was looking at CinderEdward's feet. "You need some slippers for you feet." He then waved his wand again and the slippers were there.
"Wait a minute! These slippers are just cardboard and paper mache!" said CinderEdward.
"Sorry, the glass slippers were copyrighted. Just don't get them wet or the magic will disappear." Wrath looked around and said "You can't go to the ball without someone to drive you." With a flick of his wand, Wrath made a grape carriage with Izumi the driver and Black Hayate pulling the carriage. "Hi Mommy!" said Wrath as he jumped up to give her a hug, but she punched him out of the way.
"Go home now, Wrath! You are in big trouble mister!" she snapped. "Dolce and Gabana called the house to tell me that you were stealing again! No alchemy for two months!" her expression softened as she spoke to CinderEdward. "Time to go to the ball! Hop in!"
The palace fell silent as the unknown stranger walked in wearing a red dress and tacky slippers. Mama Hoho and her daughters were trapped in jealousy as the stranger walked up to the Prince and gave a dignified bow. "Please excuse me for the intrusion, your highness." she said "But please permit me to enjoy the festivities with you and your guests." The Prince was captured in awe as he gazed upon the glorious lady. Dirty blonde hair, golden eyes, metal arm and leg, and the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.
"You may join us in the celebration." said Prince Roy "On one condition."
"Name it." said CinderEdward.
"You marry me at once." persisted the Prince.
"Not if I have anything to do about it!" screamed Mama Hoho. "Gluttony, eat that dress, now!" Gluttony ran towards CinderEdward, mouth watering and appetite raging.
"Enough of this violence! Guards! Seize the three wenches and throw them in the dungeon!" Prince Roy yelled out.
"Yes sir!" said Riza as she pointed her pistol at the three. The rest of the guards surrounded the three, but they would not budge. Gluttony began eating people and Envy turned into Elisa, but Hughes grabbed her and smothered her with hugs and kisses. Mama Hoho jumped from one body to the next.
"STOP!" yelled Prince Roy as a red lighting bolt ran out of his fingers. "You must leave at once! You are herby banished from this kingdom forever!"
Gluttony was finally close enough to drool all over the slippers, and the magic was gone, and the rags were all that CinderEdward wore. "This is who I really am, your highness! A little ragamuffin who works her hands to the bone and gets no compensation!" The guests gasped at the sight of the rags and the dirty little girl. The Prince's expression remained the same for a moment, then a smile ran across his face.
"You are exactly what I want! I don't care if you really are a man, but seeing you in that dress made me sweat like a stallion!" The entire room was staring blankly at the Prince with sweat drops on the back of their heads. Even the guards were taken aback. "CinderEdward, you are so humble to come dressed as you are, and that is exactly what I want with my life! I never wanted to rule a kingdom or be rich, all I ever wanted was to be happy. Seeing you like that has made me realize: that I want to live in poverty with only you!" he swept CinderEdward off of his feet and kissed him long and hard. The next day, they were married, moved to the countryside, built a farm and worked the land and had hot blonde haired, black eyed flame throwing babies.
Epilouge:
"Well I'm glad that's over." said Roy Mustang as he dropped Edward on the ground with a thump.
"What was that for?!" said Edward as he was getting up.
"For making me lean forward so much to kiss you." shuttered Roy.
"Just what exactly are you incinuating?" said Edward.
"That you are short. What else would I be making fun of you for?"
Just then, the author walked in, wearing a white tank top with a big "Y" on it. "Here comes Yaoi Girl to the rescue! With my magical Yaoi Staff, I will fix this situation with yaoi goodness!"
"Oh damn." said Edward.
Yaoi Girl extended her hand which had an envelope in it. "This is from my host! She says it is you payment!" she screeched.
"Hey it's actually money this time!" laughed Edward. "Screw you guys, I'm going to the casino!"
"Just wait until he finds out that money's from the board game monopoly!" said Yaoi Girl, who was changing back into kittypirate17.
"What the hell happened to me?" asked kittypirate17 as she woke up from the daze.
"I have no idea." said Roy. "If you excuse me, I am going to make out with your best friend."
"Have fun!"
Meanwhile, Edward was winning at the black jack table. All of the ladies were crouding around him to see if they could steal some of his cash. When he went to go cash in on his winnings, the man behind the counter laughed and said "You have got to me kidding me. This is just monopoly money kid!"
"I WILL GET YOU, KITTYPIRATE17!" Edward screamed to the high heavens.
