Thumbelina

Disclaimer: I do not own Thumbelina or FMA

Prologue:

"Hell no." said Edward from the shower. "Wait what the hell are you doing in the bathroom?!" he said as he pulled the curtain to cover his no-no area.

"Just enjoying the view." kittypirate17 blushed.

"You are a sick pervert, you know that?!" he screamed.

"You really should go shirtless more often, you look good like that."

"Out!" he tried to throw the soap at kittypirate17, but it slipped out of his hands onto the floor.

"Here's the deal, if you do this for me I won't yell to Heindric that you need assistance in the shower."

"That won't work on me! HAH!" smiled Edward.

"Okay, if you do this for me, I won't have to call Winry to make you new automail."

"I don't need new automail right now."

"I meant for the place that I would chop off."

"You can't do that to me! I'm a super sexy bishie!"

"Do you know how much I would get on EBay for the wang of a sexy bishie such as yourself?"

"I will do it. Just so you don't get so filthy rich that you stop writing all together."

kittypirate17 gasped "Stop writing all together?!" she smacked Edward "I would never stop writing!"

Story:

When Trisha Elric was twenty years old, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, and told that she would never have any children. For the next two years, she mourned and tended to her garden as if the flowers were her babies. One day, she noticed two unusual red flowers with silver thorns. She thought nothing of them at first, but when they bloomed, two tiny children popped out.

"Holy Hell!" she screamed as she reached for the weed whacker.

"No, Mama!" said the one with the lighter blonde hair. "We were sent by Central to be your children!"

"Why are you two so tiny?" asked Trisha as she held out her hands to allow the boys to climb up.

"We were premature." said the dirtier blonde-haired person "I am Alphonse, and this is Edward."

"I wonder if you two are atomically correct…" said kittypirate17 while picturing possible Elricest.

"Please continue with the story…" said Alphonse.

"So, how the hell did you boys come to be?" asked Trisha

"Well," Edward blushed "When Papa Hoho fell in love with a plant chimera; they had relations and thus produced us. Scar had killed the chimera before we could be born, so Papa Hoho put us into your flowers to grow and blossom."

"You mean that he…in my flower bed?" said Trisha with a disgusted look.

"Yep, pretty much." said Alphonse.

For the next three years, the boys helped their mother out in the garden, by using alchemy to fend off the rabbits and other plant-eating creatures. They had made a home under the porch and had some rabbit stew for dinner. Then, one night, as they were watching the fireflies, they saw some fairies flying by and stop at the flowers in the garden.

"Who are you?" asked Edward to the black haired male fairy

"I am the Prince of Fairies!" he declared.

"Stop with the delusions of grandeur already," said a blonde haired female fairy "you are nothing more than the court jester."

"Must you be so mean to me, Riza?" said the black haired fairy as he slumped over in despair.

"I am just speaking the truth" she said.

"Why are you here?" asked Alphonse.

"We are here to warn you of the coming toads that will steal and have their way with little boys such as yourselves."

Just then, the said band of toads came and swept down across the garden and scooped up the brothers and ran off. "What shall we do?" asked the female fairy as she looked to the black haired fairy.

"Premarital sex?" he said and he pulled out a super tiny miniskirt. Riza was blushing as she flew away and contemplated the thought of what would happen in that situation. Mustang followed after her with intent to do things.

"I got the Elric brothers for you! Happy Fucking Birthday! Now where's my cookie?" said Gluttony as he handed the brothers to Envy, who in turn handed Gluttony the entire cookie jar.

"Now, what am I going to do to you? I can do a pretty mean dragon snake, wanna see?" he said as he gently stroked their hair. Edward bit his hand, and in retaliation, Envy punched him in the mouth, knocking out his two front teeth.

Alphonse laughed and said "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!"

"Shut up Al!" said a strained Edward with his mouth bleeding profusely. "Why did Papa Hoho and Dante have to copulate to create you?"

"Cause that's the only way human babies can be born, moron. Then after the human me died, they created homunculus me." Just then, Trisha burst threw the water with a shotgun in tow.

"Who is planning to violate my babies?!" she asked the female fairy.

"The green haired one and the fat bald one." she said as Trisha raised and cocked the shotgun, pointed it at the ugly toads, and shot until the gun was empty. When the smoke cleared, Trisha had realized her horrible mistake. Not only had she killed the toads, but she had killed her boys also.

"Is this what equivalent exchange is about?" she had asked herself "The deaths of the toads at the cost of my beloved children?" she sobbed.

"So about that premarital sex…"

"Not now, fool. This is getting good!" said Riza as she was eating buttered popcorn.

Therefore, because of her heinous deed, Trisha went to therapy three times a week to cope with the pain, where she met her therapist and future husband, Feury. They had adopted Wrath and Elisa, who were soon to be incarcerated for the act of illegal possession of bud

"Feury?!" yelled Edward "He is at least twice my mom's age and he's too paranoid to be with my mom!"

"I like making up parings that could never work." smiled kittypirate17.

Epilogue:

Feury cringed at the thought of being paired up with Trisha. "I'm sorry, but I wouldn't do your mom if she was the last woman on Earth."

"What so I'm not good enough for you now?!" screamed Trisha.

"That's not what I meant, Mrs. Elric!" sweated Feury. "I meant that you are kind of old for me!"

"So where is our payments?" asked Edward.

"Oh you will not be getting payments anymore…" said kittypirate17.

"Then good riddance to you."

"You will work for me or I will release these pictures of you and Alphonse to the public."

"You don't have any pictures!" said Alphonse as he blushed and tried for the envelope.

"I have plenty of pictures. EdxRoy, EdxAl, EdxHughes, EdxEnvy…"

"Please don't put those out!" begged Edward as he clutched onto her leg. "I don't need the yaoi paparazzi on me more than they already are! You can have all of our souls and command us as you wish for now on (not taking the legal rights away from the author and artists from the manga and anime)!"

"Edward, no!" they all shouted.

"Deal!" said kittypirate17 with misguided glee "Then I guess I won't need these baby pictures of Edward and Alphonse anymore."

"Those were just our baby pictures?!" said Alphonse as he looked at himself on the bearskin rug.