AN: I present to you the next chapter of the Uryu Chronicles, which features Uryu being overly defensive and irritable in response to the previous events. He's . . . not happy that he couldn't handle the Menos Grande and that he saved Ichigo. As a result, well, let me put it this way: Dear God, Uryu is SUCH a tsundere.

This chapter's shorter than the last one. I'm really sorry about that, but the last sentence seemed like a good conclusion, and the next part of the Bleach storyline is Uryu's training, which doesn't seem to quite fit with the rest of this.

Also, I'm sorry I keep saying this, but someone please go put my A Bored Shinigami is a Dangerous Shinigami poll out of its misery.


My teacher noticed my injuries, unfortunately, and inquired as to their cause. I was forced to lie and say I fell down the stairs. Implausible, I know, but I cannot lie well when put on the spot. Why, of all things, was this one I had forgotten to prepare for? I have even devised plans in case of a stuffed animal invasion! And yet I did not think of excuses to explain away injuries?

Part of that is likely due to the fact that Ochi-sensei (with all due respect, of course) is a completely irresponsible and apathetic adult. Why did she choose now of all times to do her job and actually be concerned? At least she went back to her usual self immediately after hearing my explanation, sparing me further pain.

I can feel my classmates laughing at my excuse. I know it was terrible! Unlike the shinigami, I am not a complete imbecile!

STOP WHISPERING ABOUT ME, SHINIGAMI! I AM NOT DEAF! I CAN HEAR YOU TWO!

No, Asano, I was not talking to myself yesterday! I was talking to the moron of a shinigami sitting next to you! It truly shows how evil the shinigami are that they have devised a method to appear invisible, thus making us Quincy look like fools while we are only trying to protect the human race from them!

Shinigami! You and your friends quit talking about me!

And the rest of you! Quit staring broodingly off into the distance! You are neither cast members of an angsty teenage love drama nor stoic manly men in an anime!

. . . Although, admittedly, Sado comes rather close to the latter.

. . .

Lunchtime has began, and thus, so has the Asano Keigo Crazy Hour. While Asano was performing his usual antics, the shinigami invited me to eat with them. Me.

I do not even need to call a psychologist; I can diagnose him right now. He is delusional and dangerous and should be removed from Karakura High School immediately. Perhaps brought to a psychiatric ward for the safety of the general public. I will even help in his extraction, as I'm sure things will get violent. No need to thank me; I am only doing my duty.

After thinking about it for a few moments, I realized his true aim. He seeks to get me to lower my guard, perhaps find out information about me. Well, I will not fall for it! I will exploit him instead, making him believe he is successful while revealing nothing! This way, I can save some money and exploit the shinigami (or, more accurately, his friends) while I am at it. Living on my own is expensive.

In some ways, the shinigami is proving truly useful. A rather excellent grunt. He does my work for me and is very easy to fool.

. . .

As it turns out, the shinigami and his friends eat on the roof. The atmosphere was depressing. I stayed silent at first so I could better observe them, but no one had anything to say. Of course, how could I expect much better?

After a few minutes, the shinigami pressured Asano into talking, putting on full display all his powers of compassion and empathy (that is to say, none). He even behaves this way to his friends. As Asano babbled his inane babble, I took advantage of the moment to try probing a little into the shinigami's motivations. He proclaimed that the reason he invited me was that he was in a good mood and I should thank him for it. My God, the arrogance! Especially since I nearly killed him!

. . . Wonderful. Now even my own mind won't let me forget what I've done. This is truly the cherry on top of the cake.

He also tried to force me to change my seating posture purely because he didn't like it. He didn't ask; he simply demanded. Could he get any more controlling? I feel like I should be calling some kind of hotline to warn them we have a future domestic abuser in our midsts.

. . .

I sensed two more shinigami with Kuchiki Rukia, so left to confront them. Unfortunately, I believe I may have accidentally explained that my excuse was an excuse out loud. D*mn my uncontrollable mouth!

The red-haired shinigami was even cruder and looked even more like a delinquent punk than the shinigami. I did not even know that was possible. Congratulations, shinigami, it seems that someone else has finally surpassed you in several of your unfortunate aspects. Why am I not surprised that it is another shinigami?

Kuchiki Rukia tried to protect me by denying that I was involved. Being protected by a shinigami? I cannot suffer that humiliation! So of course, I fought him. However, it seems he exceeds the shinigami in his skill at brute violence as well, and he defeated me, in no small part due to the wounds I had already incurred. I am currently considering calling him Shinigami 2.0

Before he could kill me, the shinigami showed up and they fought. With no finesse, naturally, seeing as how they are both shinigami. I would consider thanking him, but it is clear he only interceded for Kuchiki Rukia's sake. My life was merely a byproduct of that.

I don't remember much else about that night, aside from being treated by that shady blond man. I fear I may have said something foolish and deluded while woozy from bloodloss. But this is truly a superb turn of events. More shinigami in my life is just what I needed.


AN: I'm sorry for including a second Author's Note, but there are some things I wanted to explain. First of all, Uryu does not seriously believe that Ichigo is a potential domestic abuser. He is in denial. He is trying to find things to dislike about Ichigo, so he is exaggerating some of his negative traits. He does dislike being bossed around, though. Similarly, Uryu does believe that he owes Ichigo post-rescue, but he really doesn't want to so he's coming up with excuses to justify his claims otherwise. And while he did black out for the Byakuya bit, Uryu remembers perfectly well what he said to Urahara, but he really regrets having said something so sentimental, about a shinigami, too, so again, he's in denial.

. . . So yeah, this whole chapter can pretty much be summed up as, "Uryu is angry and defensive and in denial." He does sincerely consider Ichigo to be a bit of a rude, violent, idiotic jerk, but not as much as he claims.