A/N: Hook and Emma continue their conversation after Hook proposed to Emma, four years from now, this time delving into their memories of their time in Neverland. Also, little insights about their moments together in S04E05.
IV - Baby Steps
The Enchanted Forest, 2018
"Do you want some coffee?" Emma asked Hook after having talked to her fiancé for two hours about their past. She got up from the leather sofa in the Jolly Roger's cabin and walked towards the coffee-maker Hook had installed in the kitchen area for her. "I figured, if we'll be staying up any longer, I'll need some more fuel," Emma said, turning around to smile at Hook.
"Coffee, love? You know that's not my beverage of choice. I'm good with rum, but thanks for the offer."
"Of course," Emma nodded knowingly. She didn't mind Hook's drinking habit. He had toned it down since he had met Emma, no longer having a reason to drown his sorrows, but on special occasions he made sure to have his rum handy. Emma would often take the odd slug from his flask when Hook offered it to her. It was a symbol of their compatibility. There was once a time when Emma would have refused to drink with Hook, a time when she didn't take him seriously, but those days were long gone.
As Hook sat lounging on the sofa, he beckoned to Emma. "Make sure to hurry back, love. I can't wait to continue our little walk down memory lane," Hook said, stretching his legs.
"I didn't know you were the sentimental type," Emma answered fondly.
"With you, I am," Hook murmured in a seductive tone.
"OK, enough with the flirting, Mr. You know I can't resist you when you talk like that," Emma joked. Grabbing her mug of coffee, she headed back to Hook who was waiting for her expectantly.
He draped a blanket around them both and asked, "Now. Where were we?"
There came a point in Emma's life when she had endured so many disappointments that she swore to herself never to get attached to anyone again, but her solitary lifestyle made her feel closed off and lonely. Emma was tough, but she too needed love and companionship. She had found that companion first in Neal and now in Hook, but she had had her doubts about Hook in the beginning. There was a time when Emma was too attached to Neal to fall in love again, a time when Emma mistrusted Hook. Her heart had belonged to Neal even after he had fallen through a portal to his supposed death. That was why Hook's attempts to win Emma's heart on their journey to Neverland seemed futile, but he never gave up and was rewarded for his resilience in the end.
Emma and Hook shared their first kiss in Neverland, leading up to their second kiss when they returned from their time-travelling journey. That was when their relationship really took off. Now, four years later, they were about to get married. Looking back on that time when they first realised how they felt for each other, brought forth many fond memories. Emma may not have felt for Hook as deeply then as she did now, but she finally realised how hard it had been for Hook to get through to her and she was grateful that he had had so much faith in Emma coming round eventually.
After having taken the leap and having gone out with Hook, Emma felt like she was headed in the right direction, but things had also become more uncertain. Emma was conscious that Hook was good for her, but she also felt like she was free-falling, rushing towards an unforeseeable future. How should she act around Hook when she still felt so scared? Was it healthy to feel so attached to someone she could lose so easily or should she rather keep her distance? She was so used to going it alone that sharing her life with someone again seemed like a foreign concept. Emma knew how to keep her guard up, but what she was unaccustomed to, was how to act once she had let someone break through her walls.
Hook had 'infiltrated' Emma's proverbial fortress, tugged at her heartstrings and earned her trust. While this may have been true, Emma didn't know how to act around Killian when she was not rolling her eyes at his desperate attempts to charm her, something she used to do in an attempt to push Hook away. She couldn't keep him at bay any more, though. Emma had let Hook in and there was no turning back now, but this was unfamiliar territory for her. Emma only trusted a select few, all related to her, and now a pirate had stolen her heart - or rather, she had entrusted it to him. But even though Emma had begun trusting Hook, she was still battling the demons from her past. During the time the Snow Queen had invaded Storybrooke, Emma felt like her past was coming back to haunt her. Parts of that past had even been wiped clean from her memory. The period of time when Regina refused to forgive Emma for bringing Marian back to Storybrooke, brought up the trust issues Emma had had with her friend Lilith as a teenager and made her feel desperate to even things out with Regina again. If Emma hadn't walked away from Lilith, she wouldn't have had to be alone all her life. Regina was treating Emma now like Emma had treated Lilith then, harsh and unforgiving. This made Emma reflect upon her past behaviour.
It hadn't even been that long ago that Emma had forgiven her parents. Having grown up as an orphan, Emma had felt abandoned all her life. Now she had finally begun appreciating her mother, Snow, after having seen what it would be like for Snow not to know Emma at all. This Emma had witnessed on her journey to the past, a time when she hadn't been born yet. Emma did have a family now and she had found love again, but the pain inside her had never gone away. All she could do, was to learn to deal with that pain; and over time, Emma's wounds would heal. The closer Emma got to her parents, the more precious they became to her. When Emma realised how much she needed Snow and Charming, her walls had come crumbling down and she had finally forgiven them for giving her away. When Emma had come back from her journey to the past, she had felt like that vulnerable teenager she had once been again, a girl who had had no one in the world, but was now reunited with her parents and was finally ready to forgive them. She had really always been that girl beneath the surface.
The day after their first date, Hook had once again proved his worthiness of Emma. He did not force her into anything, but was simply there for her when she needed him. They had taken two steps forward by going out together and Emma had to stay strong, so she wouldn't retreat into the safety of her shell again. Even though Emma did trust Hook, she was still careful around him, but this behaviour seemed perfectly natural now that she had opened her heart up to him. She felt protected and safe in Hook's arms, but her dependence on him also scared her. She knew how to live a life on her own, with only herself to care for, but now that she had given her heart to Hook, Emma was afraid she would get hurt again. However, the connection she felt with Hook ran so deep, that Emma ignored those little voices in her head that told her not to pursue her romance with Hook. Emma felt that her feelings for Hook made her vulnerable, but denying herself true happiness was not in the cards anymore. She had waited long enough. Even though Emma felt thrust out of her comfort zone when it came to Hook, she was learning to let him in. After a life full of disappointments and feelings of hopelessness, someone had succeeded in breaking through her armour.
Hook still remembered when he had had his first chance of winning Emma's favour. When they were on Neverland together on a mission to find Henry, Hook had approached Emma with little jokes, he had flirted with her, so she would see he wasn't all that bad. But Emma, at that time, was preoccupied. First and foremost, she was desperate to find Henry and Hook didn't have a chance of winning Emma's heart to start with. Back then, Emma was too worried about her son and his fate. She didn't really take Hook seriously, and while she found him attractive, she would never have considered him as a romantic partner, because her feelings for Neal were still very much prominent in her mind. Upon arriving in Neverland, Emma believed Neal to be dead. She thought she had lost him again and this was simply too much to handle, considering all the years Emma had wasted when she was left in the belief that Neal had betrayed her. At that point, Emma had still not put her past behind her and was still very much struggling with who she really was. Was she the saviour or was she still just an orphan?
It was almost impossible for Hook to get to know the real Emma, unless he proved to her that he had truly fallen for her - unless he proved, ultimately, that he was more than a pirate. When they had first arrived in Neverland, Emma was only tolerating Hook. Although she appreciated his small gestures of kindness and his gentlemanly manner, she didn't take him seriously - something she showed openly when she asked Hook if "perms and leather conditioner" were "his thing". Hook wasn't even an option for Emma then, but he proved how much he cared about her by keeping David's secret (he was struck by an arrow laced with night root and would die within a few days if no cure was found). By saving David, Hook proved his worthiness of Emma, sparing her even more sorrow. However, Hook's chances dwindled when Emma found out Neal was still alive, but it did count for something that Hook had not kept that piece of information to himself. When Hook told Emma about Neal being alive, Hook had once and for all proved he was more than a pirate by means of a truly selfless act, shedding light on his unconditional love for Emma. He was a true hero.
Hook was rewarded for his valiant efforts with a kiss, the only thing he had to hold on to after Neal was reunited with Emma. But what a kiss it was! So sizzling hot that it had left Emma feeling dizzy and light-headed. It was proof that, underneath, Emma felt the same way about Hook as he did for her, only she wasn't ready to open up to him just yet. In the end, Hook knew he would win Emma's heart, and as he had told her, he would not do so with any trickery, but because Emma wanted him. Hook's time would come – eventually, but he needed to be patient. He knew Emma was the one for him, something he hadn't been expecting to find after Milah's death. Hook had found someone else to love, but in Neverland, Emma was still in love with Neal and knew that she would probably always love him in one way or another. It was all a matter of timing. The kiss was the first sign that Emma might return Hook's feelings, even if she had tried to play down the real meaning of the kiss, calling it a "one-time thing." Now Emma could freely admit that she had probably never stood a chance. It may have taken her some time to admit her feelings for Hook to herself, but she was a gonner the moment her lips had touched Hook's. Like live bait, Emma was hooked from that moment onwards, although she may have told herself that she had merely "slipped."
Hook had long since proved over and again how worthy he was of Emma. For instance when he gave Emma her space the day after their first date. He didn't make a big fuss when greeting her, but instead acted as if their being together was the most natural thing in the world. Through all the hurt Emma was going through, Hook stood loyally by her side to support her in this time of need. While she was delving into her own emotional issues concerning Regina and Lilith, Hook had allowed Emma to do just that – unselfishly – only to be the friend Emma needed at the end of the day when she felt the need to rummage through her box of things from the past. She had revealed another part of herself to Hook, another piece of the puzzle from her past, only to realise the Snow Queen had been her foster mother at one point. Emma felt comforted by Hook when he pecked her on the cheek. That kiss felt tender and familiar. Hook had taken away Emma's worry once again by simply being himself. They were good together. Hook would always be there for Emma. He would always listen to her and be the friend she needed desperately right now. Her best friend and her true love, Hook had faith in Emma and in their love. He truly believed in their relationship and stood by Emma when she felt overwhelmed by her past. With him by her side, Emma felt supported. In Hook, she had finally found someone she could confide in, someone she could truly be herself with.
