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Family Secrets

BPOV

I awoke the next morning by my alarm beeping, I remembered then that dad was not home, so it was just me in the house. I got up and jumped into the shower, spending longer than I usually would. I stayed under the water spray until it started to run cold, by the time I was dressed, and my hair was damp, I realised that I was running really late.

Grabbing my bag, I carefully rushed down the stairs. Going into the kitchen and grabbing an apple before walking out the house and getting into the truck, I was sure that as I passed the forest I could see flashes of grey running along at the same speed as my truck.

I got into school just before the bell rang, and rushed to my first class, getting to the door as the second bell was ringing. Angela and Ben were sat in the same seats as yesterday, keeping the seat between them free for me.

Like yesterday, I spent my day with Angela and Ben; we ate dinner in the library again. They invited me to the diner again but I explained that my dad was waiting for me at home. I rushed to my truck and made it back home in record time.

As I walked into the house, I was surprised how quiet it was, I knew that my dad was home by the cruiser parked outside. I walked into the front room, to find him sat in his chair staring at the blank screen on the television.

"Bella, I need you to sit down. I need to talk to you about something really important." Dad spoke suddenly causing me to jump slightly. I sat on the sofa, and waited for dad to tell me, what I could see was troubling his mind.

"I need to tell you about your grandmother, my mom." Dad began, swallowing loudly before turning to look at me.

"You were only a few months old when she passed away, and by that time your mom had taken you to Florida. Your grandmother was such a strong courageous woman, not long after I was born, she had to start fighting her body to do the things most people take advantage of."

I sat waiting as Dad looked away again, coughing a few times before he returned his eyes back to me. I was suddenly beginning to feel nervous, and I had no idea why.

"When I was in my early teens, your grandmother was diagnosed with a disease called Lou Gehrig's disease. Basically the neurons in her brain were attacking her muscles, causing them to weaken. It is a slow disease that happens so slowly, you see it happening over time." Dad explained before he coughed again and then turned his whole body and rubbed his face in his hands.

"My dad and I helped her with everything, especially near the end. When she passed away, as awful as it sounds it was a relief. She was no longer in pain and no longer suffering."

"I remember that grandpa passed away soon after." I almost whispered, remembering that he had passed away within two months of my grandmother dying.

"Your parents were soul mates, they would always tell me, but I just thought that it was because they loved each other so much. Within days, of my mom passing away, your grandpa changed. He started to struggle to do simple things, clutching his heart complaining that he was in pain. I took him to the hospital, but every test would always come back that he was healthy."

"It was very frustrating, watching him get weaker and weaker as the days went by. By this time I was almost living at the cabin, one morning, I went into his room to help him to the bathroom. Your grandpa, was still in bed, in his arms was a picture of my mom. As I got closer I realised that he had passed away, to this day I believe that he couldn't live without my mom."

By the time dad had finished telling me about my grandparent's deaths, I had tears rolling slowly down my cheeks. I wiped them quickly away, before I could say anything, my dad was kneeled in front of me. As my hands fell back into my lap, he took then and squeezed them.

"Bella, I have the same disease as my mom had. When you were a toddler, research discovered that it could be passed on through parents. There was only a five percent chance, but I wanted to be tested just in case."

"Oh dad," I whispered before more tears fell down my face.

"Last night Bella, I had to stay at the Olympic Medical Center in Port Angeles, when I started to drink heavily the symptoms started to show. I was put on medication to slow the disease down, and to reduce the symptoms. Some of my medication has been changed; it seems the disease is starting to advance." Dad explained, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"What medication are you taking, why have I never seen you take any?" I asked, trying to wrap my head around everything he was saying.

"You have never seen me take it, because I usually take it when you are still asleep or at school. At the moment, I am taking a drug called Rilutek. This drug will stop the important muscles from weakening too fast, I also take a number of drugs to make the stiffness and muscle pulling that I get every now and again reduce. The original dose that I was put on, it's no longer strong enough, and so I have been put on to a stronger dose." Dad explained while still holding my hands.

"What happens now?" I asked, wondering what to expect.

"I'm taking a few weeks off work until the new drugs start to work, then in the next few months I'm planning on taking it easy. Eventually, I will have to quit being chief, reducing my hours before taking early retirement."

"Do you know when that will happen?" I asked, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him before he got too ill.

"Nope, I'm going to take each day as it comes, I'm not giving into this disease. I want to be able to work for as long as possible, feel like I am doing something."

Suddenly a thought entered my mind, and before I could stop myself, my mouth opened and the question came out. "Could I have it?"

"I don't know, your mom refused to get you tested, there is only a 5% chance of you getting it from me, and even then for some reason more men get the disease than women." Dad explained.

"Can I be tested for it?" I asked looking away from his eyes.

"Of course Bella, I wanted you tested years ago, but your mum refused to sign the consent form. You are eighteen now, so you can sign your own consent form."

"Why would she do that?" I asked, surely she would want to know if I was going to get ill.

"That is something you need to ask her yourself, but I think she was just scared." Dad tried to explain, squeezing my hands again.

"Yes, I will ask her the next time I call her." I nodded.

"Bella, I need to ask you this and you need to be honest with me." He suddenly asked, bending his neck lower so he could look directly into my eyes. "If you want to go back home and live with your mom, then I won't be upset. I don't want you staying here, just because of this disease. If you want to go to college, then you must go."

"Dad, I want to stay here. Even though it's been rough lately, Forks has grown on me." How was I supposed to tell him that I couldn't leave because of Paul and the imprint? "I do want to go to college, not straight after graduation. I want to take a year out and decide what I want to study first, and save up some money." I explained, nodding a few times while I was telling him my plans.

"Good, I want us to spend time together. I don't really know you Bella. I just see this beautiful young woman who acts older than she is."

"Dad I want to be here when you need more help."

"Bella, you don't need to worry about when the disease gets worse, I have made plans with Billy and the Clearwater's. They will take care of me; I don't want you to feel that you have to give up your life to take care of mine."

"But your my dad, I want to be able to help you." I told him, trying to stop anymore tears escaping.

"And you are my daughter, when the time comes Bella; you need to understand that I will be unable to perform my most basic needs and requirements. I don't want you to see parts of my anatomy that are private." Dad suddenly spoke raising his voice.

"Ok, I understand, but I still want to be there for you." I begged.

"Of course Bella I won't shut you out, but I want to be able to keep my dignity."

We sat in silence for a while, each to our own thoughts, I knew that there was more to this than he was letting on. I planned on researching once he had gone to bed. My brain was telling me that I needed to know everything that will happen, and how long I will still have my dad. I also needed to call my mom; I wanted to know why she refused to have me tested.

Maybe that was why she had not called or emailed me in over a week, I remember speaking to her the day after I was lost in the forest and then nothing. I will call her tomorrow after school, it won't be too early then.

"Well Bella, are you ok with takeout tonight? I was thinking maybe Chinese?" Dad asked, clicking his fingers in front of my face.

"Sorry dad, I was just thinking about stuff. But Chinese sounds good; do you want me to order it?"

"Bella, it's a lot to take in, but try not to over think it all. I will order, what do you want?"

I gave dad my order, before pulling out the history homework I had been given. By the time I had finished it, the food had arrived. We ate in silence, watching a game on the TV. My mind was elsewhere, and I couldn't help it.

"Bella I'm off to bed, the hospital bed last night was so damn uncomfortable." I feel his lips on my forehead, "And Bella, if you have any questions I'm here ok, or I can give you my doctors number in Port Angles."

"Night dad."

I watch has he climbs the stairs, watching his legs; it is then that I see the slight limp in his left leg. I bite my bottom lip, to stop the sob leaving my mouth. I hear his bedroom door shut seconds later as he disappears up the stairs; I sit and look out the window. The moon is full tonight; I ignore the sound of the TV, not taking my eyes off the moon. I watch as it gets higher and higher in the dark sky.

When I look at the TV I see that it is almost midnight, I switch everything off and go up to my room. My brain is still in over drive, so rather than try to sleep I turn on my pc while getting ready for bed.

I type in the disease on Google, picking various web pages and reading them again and again. Understanding the first signs is clumsiness, and then what happens near the end of the disease. To know that one day my dad, will not be able to do anything for himself, and then the worst part when he will become incontinent and unable able to breathe for himself, even then it won't be the end as he will be put on a ventilator to keep him alive.

I sit at my desk sobbing loudly, my dad was going die a horrible death, and we will not be able to do anything about it. He was going to lose his dignity.

I jumped when I suddenly felt warm arms wrap around me and pull me to the bed; I knew that they belonged to Paul. I pushed my face into his chest and carried on crying, I could hear Paul asking what was wrong but I couldn't answer him yet.

"Bella, what is the matter? You need to tell me, was it a nightmare?" Paul asked and I can hear the panic in his voice.

I pull away from him, and point to the computer screen. I sit in silence with his arms still around me, as he reads through the page I was currently on.

"Bella, people die all the time and this is another disease that causes people to die too early. Is this a school project or something?" Paul asks confused.

"My dad has it, he is dying Paul. There is nothing I can do, and I may also have it, there is a risk that it can be passed from parents to children. I'm already showing signs, I'm so clumsy." I explain, unable to stop myself sobbing.

"Oh Bella, if it helps I don't think you have it. No I know you don't have it." Paul whispered, as he slowly led me down on to my bed with my head still resting on his chest.

I started to close my eyes, still upset for what the future will hold but feeling safe for now in Paul's arms.

"I will be here for you Bella, no matter what." I hear Paul whisper, before falling asleep.