This chapter. My goodness. THIS is the one you will go insane trying to make sense of.
By the way, be prepared for frequent interruptions that will be what song starts playing when. And be prepared for those songs to be… pretty much anything from any Ace Attorney game ever.
So yeah, complete and utter crack half the time. And many, many fourth-wall breaks, more so than usual.
If you're confused as to who looks like what, you can just Google the characters. I'm Athena Cykes, everyone else's identity is expressly stated as the chapter goes.
I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds or Ace Attorney. Enjoy.
Chapter 18
[January 1, 9:49 AM]
[District Court - Defen—]
"No. We are not doing that," I growl, swatting away the text bubble that appears in front of me. Lucy wanted us to go all-out Ace Attorney references in this trial (to the extent of everyone having to pretend to be one of the characters if we were the defense/prosecution), but I'm drawing the line at the bubble announcing the date, time, and location.
"But Shimmer!" Lucy calls, from another room.
"No buts, Lucy," I say. "I'd rather not deal with the annoying clicks. You couldn't have used the classic ones? You know the ones from Dual Destinies annoy me."
I can almost imagine her pout. "Well, the classic ones annoy me."
"Whatever." I sigh, and turn to face my friend, Doccy. At least he didn't have to do much of a costume change to fulfill his role. The only thing that changed was his suit got a few shades brighter. "Are you ready for this?"
"I don't see why you can't do this by yourself," he replies.
"Lucy roped all of my muses and yours into it. It's only fair." I gesture to the rest of the lobby, which only has Carly in it. "Besides, it would've been me against… wait…" I count on my fingers as I name off the muses I know have aligned themselves with Lucy. "I think… seven? Because Sky wouldn't agree to be Maya/Mia, and I don't exactly have anyone to be Apollo." I grin, and add, "Plus, you were already wearing a blue suit. You'll make a great Phoenix Wright."
He grumbles a little, poking his hair, which had been forcibly styled into the… er, "hedgehog" look. As in, spikes and everything.
"Arf! Arf!"
"Flabébé!"
My two good muses appear in a flash of light. I sigh a little, because I know what they want. "Sorry guys, but you aren't human. You can't play the roles of anyone."
They look at each other, and then Rudolph starts glowing. I have to cover my eyes at the next flash of light. When it dims… there are two people I've never seen before standing in front of me. …Well, the guy looks kind of like an older version of Joseph, but wearing Apollo's clothes. The girl, though? She's like, the spitting image of Maya Fey, other than the fact that her hair is unnaturally blonde and has this giant pink flower in it.
Wait… I have seen these two before—they're the ones who saved mcdinh after she lost her cool and nearly blew herself up!
***Apollo Justice ~ I'm Fine! from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies begins***
"I'm Rudolph slash Apollo Justice, and I'm fine!" the boy shouts.
"And I'm Piano slash Maya slash Mia Fey, and I want a burger!" the girl shouts.
I open my mouth to speak, shut it, and hold up my finger like I want to speak but I have food in my mouth or something. In this case, though, I walk over to the nearest wall and slam my head into it a few times. When I turn around, and they're still there… "What in the world are you two doing?"
"Suprised? We've been working on the trick for forever!" Rudolph exclaims, probably louder than he meant to (of course, with Apollo's Chords of Steel…).
"Mhmm!" Piano adds. "We were going to wait for a day when you were sad or something, but we just couldn't pass up a chance like this!"
"Ace Attorney for the win!" my two good muses squeal simultaneously.
I sigh, pressing my hand to my forehead. I don't believe it… and that music is not particularly my favorite. It's going off.
***Apollo Justice ~ I'm Fine! ends***
"Okay, okay, you're… Apollo, and you're Maya," I say, pointing at Rudolph and Piano respectively. Another sigh. I never could have imagined these two turning human… I mean, I know Rudolph was human once, but… "Can we get the trial started yet?"
XXX
***Trials and Tribulations ~ Court Begins (also known simply as Trial) from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations begins***
[January 1, 10:00 AM]
[District Court - Courtroom # 9 ¾]
It's… the same as any courtroom in the Ace Attorney series. I really don't know what I was expecting. …Wait, no, there's a big difference. Joseph is the… ugh… the judge. Why the heck did I agree to that again…? Oh, right, because he's like, the only one who never picks sides. Even though he's insane…
And… there's also another big difference—the giant hologram projector machine thing that they used as the Court Record in the Phoenix Wright movie. (Too bad that wasn't released in English… I bet my muses would have included more references to it…) Oh yeah, the fact that that machine is here… Yep, there's a Court Record button at the center of the desk, which lets us pull up evidence and profiles whenever we need to.
Shame the only evidence currently consists of the attorney badges Doccy, Rudolph, and I wear…
Joseph bangs his gavel, grinning wildly. "Court is now in session for the trial of Maya Gilligan Fey—"
"Objection!" I slam my hand on the desk. "Jose—" I pause, correcting myself, "Your Honor, this is not a parody of Phoenix Wright: Ace Idiot. Maya is not on trial… and her middle name isn't 'Gilligan'."
"Darn it!" The smile vanishes from Joseph's face. "I should make you lose the Internet for that…"
"I told you, this isn't Ace Idiot."
"You should listen to her, little bro!" Rudolph chimes in.
"Muh…? Oh, okay!" The smile pops right back onto my insane muse's face, as though he was expecting his brother to be human again. "Well, alrighty then. Court is now in session… for the trial of Carly Carmine. Is the defense ready?"
…
I resist the urge to turn around and slam my head into the wall, von Karma-style. I forgot to tell Doccy that it was his job to say that we were ready. Alright, I guess… "The defense is ready, Your Honor." Hopefully no one caught onto the slip-up. I'm not… the defense team leader… At least, I don't think I am. Doccy's supposed to be, since he's Phoenix Wright.
On second thought, maybe I should have chosen to be Maya/Mia. Then, when I was Mia, I could control everything on this side of the courtroom.
…Screw it, the Mood Matrix is way too appealing.
"Screw it!"
"AHHHH!" I'm pretty sure my face turns the brightest red it ever has before. I completely forgot about the Widget-replica that Lucy… well, told me to call Widget. And if I have a Widget-replica, then of course it would do the same thought-blurting thing the original does. "U-Uh… Ignore that! It was completely out of context!"
"I can imagine," Joseph nods. "Most of your thoughts are pretty weird when out of context…" He shrugs. "Anyways, is the prosecution… what?"
Lucy, full-on cosplaying Edgeworth—and by that, I mean other than her height and gender, she looks exactly like him in Dual Destinies—is the only person at the prosecutor's bench. That isn't right… the rest of my muses plus Doccy's are supposed to be there…
Lucy Edgeworth-bows (no surprise there), and says, "My apologies, Your Honor. There was a last-second role change, and as such I am currently the only one available. Nevertheless…" she takes off her mock glasses, and places them in her chest pocket like Edgeworth did in Turnabout for Tomorrow. (The feels from that case… I better not reference it again… Especially when I'm pretending to be Athena…) "The prosecution is also ready," Lucy finishes.
"Goodie!" Yeah, Joseph is pretty much the exact opposite of the Judge. "So, um… next is the opening statement, isn't it? Yeah, yeah! The prosecution may give its opening statement." …Okay, saying he's the exact opposite is a bit wrong. He seems just as forgetful.
"Indeed." Another Edgeworth-bow. (I'm going to abbreviate that as an Edgebow from now on. Because… I can.) She stands back up, and suddenly there's a folder in her hands. She removes the paper from inside, holds it in one hand, and taps at it with the back of the other. Lucy proceeds to detail the crime—it happened at 6:37 PM on October 24, by the beach's outdoor restrooms. The victim, Bruno, was stabbed once in the chest. He died immediately, and there were no signs of a struggle. The murder weapon, a knife with a six-inch blade, has the victim's blood and the defendant's fingerprints on it. Not only that, but Carly's footprints are the only ones around the bathroom, aside from Bruno's. This will be a tough case, especially since I hardly know the entirety of Carly's side.
[Beach Diagram added to Court Record]
[Autopsy Report added to Court Record]
[Knife added to Court Record]
Just like that, the three things she presented to the court appear in our holographic display. It's in pretty full detail, really. Still wish I had a paper copy of the diagram and the autopsy report. …Wait, we had an autopsy done? Who the heck conducted the autopsy?
You know, I probably shouldn't ask. Knowing my muses…
"That's quite an incriminating case you present, Prosecutor Lucyworth," Joseph says.
…
…
…D…d…did he just call her "Lucyworth"?
I… I don't even… WHY IS THAT A THING?!
"Joseph, I forbid you and everyone else from calling her that," I say, slamming my hands on the desk. "And I'm using author powers for that, not lawyer powers, so you can't penalize me for not calling you 'Your Honor'," I add with a smirk.
He pouts a little, "But they all had really awesome name blends… except X, because her name is one letter, but still!"
"N-O."
"Fine, party pooper." The boy rolls his eyes at me, and then looks at Lucy. "You can call your first witness."
An Edgebow. "Very well, Your Honor… wait…"
"This trial is stupid!" Jack roars from the witness stand. "Carly is innocent!"
Well, this is nice. He isn't even a real witness (actually, I don't think anyone would be except Carly… and Bruno himself, but I don't think Piano is going to channel him, not to mention the fact that spirit channelling doesn't even count as a real testimony). But of course, because of Carly, Jack's going to be extremely stubborn and not let the trial progress like it should.
…Granted, I suppose it's because he doesn't trust me to successfully defend her. I wouldn't blame him for that, after everything I've done/let my muses do. Seriously though, I have Rudolph, Piano, and Doccy helping me. Why wouldn't he trust them? Especially Doccy, because he hasn't done anything to Jack yet!
"You are not a witness," Lucy counters, glaring at him with a perfect replica of Edgeworth's glare. "Get off of the witness stand."
"Say she's innocent and maybe I will!" the violet-eyed man retorts, offering an equally powerful glare.
Lucy is silent for a moment, and then she looks at me. Her lips are tight, and her eyes are almost… pleading for me to do something. And I think I know exactly what she wants me to do. Basically do something that happened during Turnabout Academy in Dual Destinies.
"He has to testify for it to work," I say, directed towards Lucy.
"What… are you talking about?" Doccy asks.
"You'll see in a sec," I reply.
Lucy nods, and slams one hand on the desk. "Looks like you get to be a witness after all, Mr. Atlas." She's REALLY trying to stay in-character. She would never call him that. At least we kind of did away with the name-and-occupation thing. We all know each other, and I think the majority of the people here don't have a job. "So… give us your testimony, if you please."
"Hmph."
Witness Testimony: She's Innocent
This trial is useless!
Carly would NEVER kill anyone.
And she was with me up until the moment she went to the bathroom - she didn't have a knife!
Besides, everyone heard her scream when she found… the body. There's no way she faked that.
Anyone who thinks she's guilty is an idiot.
Short testimony. Alright, that makes it easier for what I'm about to do.
"Huh, I was expecting something more… loud," Joseph notes. "Ah well. The defense may cross-examine the witness."
"Oh, we'll do something better, Your Honor," I say with my head held high. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited, and Widget-2's face mimics my excitement.
"…We will?"
That's right… I didn't have enough time to tell Doccy about the Mood Matrix. I had to fill him in on how to cross-examine… normally. I should've had enough time to, though… sucks that I spent most of the time between the previous chapter and this one being a lazy bum or hanging out in mcdinh's world. …Well, the Nethe… uh… Underworld, but still…
"Lazy bum!"
…Of all the parts of that though, it had to pick that one to blurt out. I sigh, waving my hand as if that's an explanation for that thought. Time to make you useful for once, Widget. I click the button on the side of the little half-sphere around my neck, and then swipe my right hand in the air across the winky-face hologram that appears in front of me.
Then I watch as the rest of the program starts up, ending with registering the…
Dang it, the noise level's overloading the program. Looks like I'll have to probe something in the testimony…
***Running Wild · Mood Matrix ~ Get a Grip on Yourself from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies begins***
[This trial is useless!] Nothing important there; the emotions are overloaded and there isn't even a picture showing up to look at.
[Carly would NEVER kill anyone.] Hmm… there's a picture of Carly now… You know, she's probably the source of the extreme noise… I don't think anything in the other parts of his testimony would be able to be looked at yet, without getting rid of the extra stuff. I tap on the image of Carly, and shout, "Got it! The source of the overwhelming emotions is Carly, so if I factor her into the system…"
Several clicks, and the noise level has gone down to 70%. That means I have to dig through testimony still, but at least I can tell what Jack's feeling with each specific thing he says rather than everything at once.
The first two statements light up red with anger—which is understandable, since he thinks this whole thing is a waste of time.
[And she was with me up until the moment she went to the bathroom - she didn't have a knife!] The only emotion flaring up at this statement is blue… Sadness…? That doesn't sound right…
[Besides, everyone heard her scream when she found… the body. There's no way she faked that.] Again with the blue, but this time it makes sense. Even if he didn't act like it, Bruno was still Jack's friend. Talking about him must hurt on some level.
[Anyone who thinks she's guilty is an idiot.] Ah, back to the anger.
"Hmm…" I hum, trying to process everything that I just learned.
"Something stick out to you?" Doccy asks.
"Yeah, there's this one emotion that's out of place, but…" I stop for a moment, flipping back to the third one. "…I'm not sure what the explanation for this is. I mean, in Dual Destinies an inconsistent emotion usually meant the witness was intentionally lying or omitting a detail… In this case, I think Jack's lying… But for what?"
"He's definitely lying," Rudolph chimes, rubbing the oversized golden bracelet on his wrist. "My bracelet tensed up at that statement. I'd perceive his tell, but I think you've got it with the Mood Matrix."
…Mhmm. Otherwise known as being lazy.
"Lazy!"
Why can't this thing have a mute button?!
I sigh, and I scroll back to Jack's third statement, the one about Carly not having a knife. If he was telling the truth, and this statement stayed in line with the other parts of his testimony, he should be angry, not sad. "Got it!" I shout as I tap the sad face icon on the screen. "Jack, if you're telling the truth, then why do you feel sad when you say Carly didn't have a knife?"
***Pursuit ~ Questioned (also known as Pressing Pursuit ~ Cornered 2002) from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice For All begins***
He glares at me. "I don't feel sad when I say that. Your machine's busted—or maybe it never worked in the first place!"
…Right, blame it on Widget for malfunctioning or something. But that isn't going to work, because I know he's lying somehow. And I have proof, I think. "Sorry Jack, but Widget isn't broken. You're lying because she had a knife, didn't she?"
He slams his hands on the witness stand, so hard I think he might break it. "I told you once, I'll tell you a million times. Carly. Did. Not. Have. A. Knife."
…Oh man, this is so fun. I can feel the excitement bubbling up inside of me. "Oh, but that goes against this piece of evidence," I reply. I open up the Court Record, tap on the knife, and shout, "Take that! If she never had a knife, then how could her fingerprints be on the murder weapon?"
"Someone planted them on it, of course!" he shouts back.
"But that could only happen if she was unconscious, and she didn't faint until we showed up on scene. There was no time for someone to plant her fingerprints on the knife," I say.
"So, you're saying that the knife is valid evidence pointing towards her guilt?" Lucy interjects, a smug grin on her face.
I freeze up, mouth wide open. I'm an idiot. All this time, taking apart a testimony that, while faulty, helped the defense a lot more than the prosecution. And I don't know how to respond to that. Ugh… this is…! Am I really cut out to be a defense attorney…?
"Couldn't someone have taken the knife from Carly at some point?" Doccy asks. "That way, her prints were still on the knife, but not because she's the murderer."
"Doccy, you're a genius." I heave out a sigh of relief. He just fixed my giant blunder with two sentences.
Unfortunately… this happens.
"OBJECTION!"
To be continued…
So. Yeah. This happened. It's far too long to fit into one chapter, so it gets split again.
Happy 2015 by the way, you guys.
Oh, and you should totally check out a story I'm cowriting with mcdinh, a crossover between 5Ds and Sword Art Online, if you haven't already. It's called Crimson Blade Online, and it's on my profile.
