Sirius finally catches Corinne alone on the grounds two days later, sitting at the edge of the lake. She has a stick in her hand and she's swirling it around in the water.
"I'd be careful if I were you," he tells her, taking a seat next to her, "something might reach up and pull you down."
"Or someone might pick me up and 'accidentally' drop me in," she says, not looking up.
"Ah, you still haven't forgotten that, have you?" he grins.
"No, I haven't," she says without humor.
There's a moment of silence. Sirius looks over at Corinne and asks her quietly, "have you talked to him yet?"
"I wrote him a very long, angry letter, but Jenna didn't approve. She helped me write a simple one in which I explained that I heard Chad talking about his other two girlfriends and that it's over. I wanted to add more, like 'how could you' or 'you're the worst person in the world' but Jenna said that would show him that he hurt me, and I didn't want that."
"She's right. I'm glad she helped you. You might have regretted sending your first draft. Has he written back?"
"No. I sent the owl yesterday. It's only been a day. It could still-"
"I say this as your friend, Corinne. Don't hold your breath; he won't send one. And if by some miracle he happens to write back, that won't change anything."
She nods dejectedly. "Ben said not to expect a letter of apology or explanation and Jeremy said the only reason he would write back is to try to deny it, and even if he did, that I know better than to believe him."
"You have some good friends."
"I know. They've been great."
There's another short silence that Sirius breaks. "How are you doing?"
Nothing that has happened has made her cry, but those four small words, that one simple question, nearly reduces her to tears. "I don't know. I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt, but I'm not completely cut up about it."
"He's a prick. Don't think about it."
"I wish I could stop. Why-"
"It was nothing you did," he tells her before she can finish asking the question. "There's nothing wrong with you. It's all him."
"That's what my friends keep telling me but the fact remains that he cheated on me for a reason. If he was completely happy with me then he wouldn't have needed someone else to make him happy."
"No it's not-"
"I was the other woman, Sirius. He has a girlfriend. He used me and when he got bored he went back to her. He never cared," she says, hoping he'll contradict her, needing him to tell her that he did care, that he cared about both of them equally.
"No, I don't reckon he did."
She's crushed all over again. She tries to rationalize it, convince him- and herself- that he did care. "He was so nice to me in the beginning though-"
"Yeah, because he was on the chase. Look, if he really cared then he wouldn't have cheated in the first place."
With facts like that staring her in the face, Corinne can't keep pretending that he did care. Facing that truth hurts her, but she has to accept it. He never cared. He never cared about her. He doesn't care about her. How could she have been so blind? Why didn't she see it before? Why would he do that to her?
"Don't think it had anything to do with you though."
"How could it not? I wasn't enough for him. I wasn't good enough to keep him around."
"Stop talking like that, Corinne. It's not true. It's him. Blokes like that aren't happy with anyone. They could have the girl of their dreams and they would still cheat on her. It's something wrong with them. There's something wrong in their head."
"From what I was told, he has a girlfriend that he's been with for a while but there's nothing there, he's just with her because he doesn't want to let go. He got with me hoping to find someone better so he could move on, but I wasn't good enough to make him let go of his girlfriend."
"I'm not going to act like I know what he was thinking and why he did it, but I guarantee that it had nothing to do with you."
"Nothing you say is going to make me feel any differently."
"But it's true."
"No, it's not." Corinne screws her eyes shut, trying to hold in her tears. She knows it was something wrong with her. Everything was great at first, but when he started acting distant she started being clingy. The more he pushed away, the harder she pulled. She pushed him away. It was her fault.
"You're gorgeous, smart, funny, independent . . . you have so much to offer anyone who asks you out. Don't let one prick demolish your self-esteem."
"I just . . . I feel so . . . it hurts," she says quietly.
"I'm sorry." He isn't sure what to do. Should he hug her? Pat her? Say something else? He does nothing instead. He simply sits next to her, letting her know, through his presence, that he's there if she needs anything.
They sit in silence until the sun sets. Sirius waits with her, at times impatient to leave, at others perfectly content to keep her company. At one point, he gazes at her out of the corner of his eye and wonders when exactly they became friends, and when exactly he started feeling so protective of her.
OoOoO
"How's she holding up?" James asks Sirius. He's lying on his bed playing with the Snitch he caught in last week's match against Hufflepuff.
Sirius looks up from his Transfiguration essay. "Well enough, but she's hurt. I have no idea how to help her."
"Who says you have to? She has her other friends who probably understand her better anyway."
Sirius stares at him. "She's my friend too. That's what friends do for each other. I'm sure you would help Lily cope with something even though she has Mary and the other girls."
"Well yeah, but that's because I love her. You don't love Co-" James suddenly sits up, gripping the Snitch tightly. "Wait, you don't love her, do you?"
"Of course not," Sirius scoffs. He isn't sure if he's lying or not, but part of him doesn't want to know.
"Then let her friends deal with it. She's nice and all, shockingly enough, but that's not up to us."
"I'm still going to help her," he says, determined.
"Alright mate, good luck with that," James says, going back to playing with the Snitch. "Crying women make me uncomfortable."
"She hasn't cried. Or, if she has, it's never in front of me."
"Really? I always suspected she was heartless-"
Remus bursts into the room. "Are you two almost done? James, why are you playing with stupid thing instead of writing your essay?"
"Relax, Moony. I only need four more inches; I'll finish it tomorrow," James says.
"I'm on my last paragraph," Sirius tells him. "Where's Worm?"
"I haven't seen him since dinner. About Thursday night-"
James stores the Snitch in a small box. "Don't worry, everything will be fine. We've done this dozens of times and nothing bad has ever happened."
"Except that time Corinne-"
"It'll be fine, Moony. Stop worrying so much," Sirius says, rolling up his parchment and putting his ink and quill away. "Where's the map?"
"In my trunk," James says. "Where are you going?"
Sirius finds the map lying on top of James' piles of robes. "To find Corinne. I'll see you two later."
Remus and James exchange a look but say nothing.
OoOoO
Sirius finds Corinne in the library, very close to the front desk. Most students look for isolated tables towards the back, but of course Corinne would want to be right in front of the librarian. "Hey."
Corinne jumps at the voice in her ear and nearly spills her pot of ink. "Sirius! Don't sneak up on me!"
"Sorry," he chuckles, "I thought you heard me coming."
"Well I didn't!"
"Shh, Madame Pince is giving us a death glare," he says, nodding at the stern librarian. She's new, and far younger than Madame Suffrey who retired last year, but she's surprisingly strict. "What are you working on?"
"The Transfiguration essay due on Thursday," Corinne answers, not bothering to look up.
"You're still working on that? I finished it ages ago!" It was actually ten minutes ago, but she doesn't need to know that. Besides, it's not like he would have finished so early if Remus hadn't insisted they did.
"Well good for you," she says irritably.
"Come on, I'll help you finish so we can get out of here. I hate this place," Sirius says, looking around at the nearly empty library.
"I don't need your help," Corinne snaps.
Sirius is used to Corinne's sunny personality, so he takes no offense to her tone. Instead, he studies her carefully over the top of her book. "This isn't just about the essay, is it?"
"What? Of course it is," she says unconvincingly.
"You don't have to lie to me. How are you doing, really?"
She puts down her quill and sighs. "A little better, but . . . well it doesn't hurt much, but I can't stop thinking about him. How pathetic is it that I miss him? I'm angry, but I'm still dying for a visit, an owl, anything. I need some kind of closure. I want him to realize what he's missing out on and beg to have me back."
"He won't."
"I know, and that kills me."
"Idiots like that don't care. He won't realize what he's missing out on because he'll never think that he's missing out on anything."
"So you're basically saying that he doesn't think much of me."
"Basically."
"You're such a-"
"Do you want the truth or do you want me to lie to you?"
"You don't have to be quite so honest, Sirius! Every time you open your mouth you reopen the wound! You're so insensitive!" she hisses before grabbing her bag and leaving the library.
Sirius follows her out. He finally catches her around the corner in an empty corridor. "The sooner you let go of the idea that he cares and he'll eventually miss you, the better. If you keep up those thoughts you're going to keep hope alive that he'll come back to you. Let go of that hope because it's not going to happen, and as long as you have that hope then you'll never let go."
That explanation, as painful as it is, is logical. Corinne follows the logic and accepts it. As a matter of fact, logic calms her down. It makes her rational. "You're right."
"But like I've said, it doesn't matter because even though he doesn't realize what he's missing out on, he is missing out on something great."
"Whatever, I don't need your pity."
"It's not pity, but fine, I'll drop it," he says, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Must she always act so calloused? "You have to know that nothing is wrong with you though. You have this notion that he cheated on you because of something wrong with you. That's not true."
"Yes it is."
"Why do you keep saying that? Please elaborate. What the hell do you think is so wrong with you that it warranted his cheating?"
"I drove him away," Corinne whispers, screwing her eyes shut. The emotional pain and humiliation from what is about to spill out of her mouth is causing her physical pain.
"How do you reckon you did that?"
She finally spills the thoughts that have been haunting her. She admits out loud the secret she's been trying to push deep down inside and forget. "I was too clingy. No one likes clingy people, him especially. I felt him distancing himself, and that's when I started to cling to him. The more he pushed away, the harder I held on. The harder I held on, the more he pushed away. The more he gave up, the harder I fought."
"Is that what has you convinced that you pushed him away?"
"How can that not be it?"
"He started distancing himself because he was planning to end it soon. There is nothing in the world you could have done to willingly keep him with you. Even if your clinging pushed him away, it only pushed him further. He was going to leave you either way. You didn't push him away at all, it was something he was already planning to do."
"Sirius, I . . . I don't know. To be completely honest, it's not even that it hurts anymore, it's more that I'm obsessed. I know that he isn't going to come crawling back to me, I accept that, but I can't help but think about him."
"So let's get your mind off of it."
"How?"
"Do you trust me?"
"You know I do."
"Then go put your things away, grab a jumper, and meet me in the Great Hall in ten minutes."
"Well, I trust you, but I also know that you tend to be . . . ah . . . mental. So we're not going to do something dangerous or anything that will get me trouble, are we?"
"I'm not mental!" he protests. "But no to both."
OoOoO
"I thought you said we weren't going to do anything that would get us in trouble!" Corinne hisses at Sirius as he leads her around the greenhouses.
"No, I said we weren't going to get in trouble, because we won't get caught."
"Sirius-"
"Corinne, relax. This is supposed to be fun. Live a little. It's okay to break the rules sometimes. We're only breaking curfew, not committing murder."
"You're right," she admits after a second. "I just . . . never do stuff like this."
He raises an eyebrow. "Really? This coming from the inventor of Midnight Tag?"
"I didn't invent it," she grins, "but we play that inside of the safe, warm castle."
"This isn't about you being afraid of getting caught. This is about you being cold isn't it?" he asks, shoving her lightly.
"No," she denies, even as she sees her breath in the cold night air.
"You want my coat?"
"No thanks, I have mine. It's my face that's cold."
"We'll warm up once we get to where we're going."
"Where are we going anyway? The Quidditch Pitch?" she asks, recognizing this as the path that leads there.
"Yup."
"Why?"
"You'll see once we get there."
It doesn't take them very long to reach the large, empty field. The night breeze carries the scent of dewy grass. With the stands as a shield between them and the castle, Sirius lights his wand. Corinne follows him up to the top of the stairs right in the middle of the pitch. Sirius conjures a small jar, lights a flame, and places it inside. She huddles closer to him, trying to get warmer. "Why here?"
"It's different at night when no one is yelling or fighting. I like coming out here to relax."
"In the cold?"
"Stop being so negative. I'm trying to do something nice for you."
She suddenly feels bad, which is rare. "I'm not being ne-"
"It's okay," he shrugs. "I get what you mean. Let's not fight for once."
"That sounds good. Let's just sit here and enjoy the peace and quiet," she says, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.
The best thing about being outside, Sirius thinks, is the calmness of it all. The world feels still, unmoving and unchanging. Being outside at night makes the world feel a little easier to live in. Problems don't seem so ominous, worries aren't so cumbersome.
In the glint of the blue flame, Sirius notices something on Corinne's palm. Sirius gently takes his hand in hers and examines it. "Is this from that night with the time travel?"
Corinne looks down at her palm, trying to ignore her racing heart as Sirius runs his thumb over the scar. "Yeah, it never went away."
"I'm sorry I didn't do a better job."
"You did just fine," Corinne says. He was oddly sweet, in his own way, that night. It was a side of him she hadn't seen and a side she rather liked. "It would have been much worse if you hadn't pulled out the glass and healed the wound."
"Well, at least you'll have a nice reminder of the adventure of a lifetime."
"I would hardly call that the adventure of a lifetime."
"Well, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but you have to admit, looking back, that it's something no one will ever get to do."
"I reckon that's one way to look at it. Sirius?"
"Yeah?" he asks, still holding her hand.
"Have you ever had your heart broken?"
Sirius takes his time answering. He places her hand down on her lap and stares up at the sky. "I don't know if I would call it a broken heart. I was in fifth year and she was in sixth. We went out for a couple of months. When she cut things off, I was hurt for a while, but it wasn't bad. I didn't love her."
"Oh," she says, staring at the blue flame. "You're lucky."
"Some people would say it's tragic," he says, looking over at her. Her long, brown windswept hair falls in unruly waves down her back and around her shoulders, covering her face from his view. He used to wonder how she could stand to have such a massive mane of hair loose and messy. Wouldn't she rather use a spell to make it sleek and shiny? Now though, he rather likes it. The way the wind blows the tendrils around her face, the scent of jasmine-
Corinne feels his gaze on her and meets his eyes. "How is it tragic that you haven't had your heart broken?"
"Because that means I haven't ever been in love."
Sirius thinks he sees a tear streak down her face, but attributes it to a trick of the blue flame because when she speaks, her voice is steady, if a little bitter. "Trust me, it's not that great."
"One day, Corinne, you're going to meet someone who will make it all worth it," Sirius tells her. He has this insane urge to sweep her hair behind her ear, but fights it.
"Maybe," she sighs, thinking that it isn't very likely.
"You will," he assures her. He pictures some faceless stranger holding her in his arms, and a flare of anger rises in him. He takes a deep breath and forces the emotion away. It's irrational. He attributes it to being overprotective, but he isn't entirely sure that's the case.
OoOoO
Sirius runs down the hall trying to reach Corinne as she leaves the Arithmancy classroom. "Johnson!"
"I haven't heard that name in a while," Corinne says, turning to wait for the owner of the voice.
Sirius takes the lack of a scowl as a sign that she's in a pleasant mood. "You weren't responding to your name," he says between gasps of air.
"I didn't hear you. So what was so important that you had to sprint all the way over here?" she asks, watching the rest of the class filing out.
"I heard you're having a round of Midnight Tag tonight and we want in," he whispers.
Corinne raises an eyebrow. "You ran all the way over here just to tell me that?"
"Well, no," he says, "but I reckoned I'd start with that before I forgot."
She continues to give him a queer look but nods her head slowly. "Alright then. Same time, same place. The group is a little bigger this time, so we'll have to be more careful, but that makes it more fun."
"Great! Now the real reason I ran here is because you're really going to want to leave this corridor in the next thirty seconds," Sirius says, looking down at his watch. He steers her down the corridor and up the nearest staircase as the first yells reach them.
"What is all of that? Sirius, what did you do?" Corinne demands.
"Me? Nothing," he grins. "I'm right here."
She stares at him until he finally relents. "Okay, we talked Peeves into dropping stink pellets in the corridor. Completely harmless but still funny."
"Unless you're the one getting hit with stink pellets."
"It's a good thing I saved you then, isn't it?" he grins.
"Aren't you too old for pranks?" Corinne asks, half amused and half irritated.
"Too old for pranks? No such thing! How dare you even suggest that?"
Corinne rolls her eyes but stays quiet for the rest of their walk to Transfiguration.
"You're not angry, are you?" Sirius asks her.
"No," she says. She takes a seat in the back and Sirius takes the empty seat next to her.
"Really? You don't care that we pulled a prank?" Sirius says, whispering so the rest of the class filing in doesn't hear him.
"Not particularly. It didn't get me, and like you said, no one got hurt." Corinne says as she arranges her completed essay, ink bottle, quill, and extra parchment on the table.
Georgia walks by smelling like, well, a stink pellet. Sirius catches Corinne's eye and they burst out laughing, but quickly stifle it when Georgia glares. "Hilarious, is it Black? I know it was you."
"I could've sworn I saw Peeves-"
"And who convinced him to do it? You did!" she accuses, jabbing his shoulder.
"No one needs to convince Peeves to wreak havoc. Besides, I've been with Corinne this whole time."
"It's true," Corinne says. It's true, but she also knows that it was his doing. Still, friends cover for each other.
"No one asked you, Johnson. And you!" Georgia rounds on Sirius. "I don't expect much from a stupid git like you, but one more prank and it will be your last one."
"Hey mate, everything alright here?" James asks, interrupting the one sided argument.
"Never better, Jamesie. Just having a nice chat with Georgia here," Sirius tells his friend.
"You're a git too, Potter! I can't believe you're Headboy!" she snaps before taking her seat on the other side of the room.
"Knows it's us, does she?" James asks with no concern.
"She's not the only one," Corinne says, noticing the stares they're receiving from the rest of the room, many of whom smell as badly as Georgia does. Some of the stares are approving or amused, but most of them are irritated or angry, though none as angry as Georgia. Corinne's friends are among the annoyed ones. She waves at them and they wave back but take the only seats left up front.
"They secretly love us," Sirius tells Corinne conspiratorially.
Just then, someone pokes their head in and chucks a wad of paper at James. "Thanks for nothing!" the boy says before leaving.
"Wasn't that the Longbottom kid you brought to Tag last time?" Corinne asks the boys.
"Yeah, Frank. Blimey, I forgot to warn him."
"You forgot to warn me too, you prat," Mary says, smacking James on the back of the head.
"Oi! Why isn't Sirius getting any of this?" James asks, rubbing the back of his head.
"Because Mary secretly loves me too," Sirius says cheekily.
Mary smacks him on the back of the head and tells him to keep dreaming. Sirius lets out a bark of a laugh but before anyone can say anything, McGonagall silences the class. "Enough. Peeves will be dealt with accordingly, as will any other accomplices," she says, looking at James and Sirius in turn. "Anyone hit by those foul pellets form a line up front so I may rid you of the smell. I cannot conduct class with this stench filling the room."
Lily is one of the nine of sixteen students who form a line, and as she passes Sirius and James, she too smacks them on the back of their heads.
"Blimey, that hurt!" James mutters. "I tried to warn her, but she's so stubborn she wouldn't listen!"
McGonagall takes the students in groups of three, waves her wand for a nonverbal spell, and then sends them back. Corinne wonders which spell she's using. Whatever it is, the process is quick and the room begins to smell of fresh linen rather than dung. As the students return to their seats, many of them shoot the boys reproachful glances.
"It seems very few people secretly love you. In fact, I reckon most people not-so-secretly hate you," Corinne says.
"Nah, they're a little annoyed, is all," James says as McGonagall finishes with the last group and starts her lecture.
Before Corinne diligently begins taking notes, she feels Sirius nudge her.
"As long as you love me, my heart will go on," he whispers with the same cheeky grin.
Corinne rolls her eyes but can't help the smile the spreads across her face. She never thought she'd be friends with Sirius Black, but she rather likes it.
I don't usually update this frequently, but it's a good habit I need to get into. My goal for the next update is no longer than two weeks! That being said, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! As always, reviews are welcome :)
