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Whew, I haven't updated for so long! Sorry about the very long wait, guys! I've had my finals, and then spent a week being rather addicted to Ragnarok. Thanks for sticking with me though, and a big hug to HPBabe91, lily, nhix, Rostta, aziangurl723, shadowriter318, cutiepug66, runwithskizzers, iamNOTafangirl3221, Tears like Crystals, and dark dreamerx for reviewing!
And if I don't update for a very long time after this, it's because I've been grounded. Just a heads up.
Music: "If Everyone Cared" by Nickelback.
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B r o k e n T y p o g r a p h y
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Chapter 12 - If only He Knew
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He growled with anger and hit himself on the head repeatedly.
"I'm a bastard."
He punched the wall behind him as he sat on the sofa in his house, and a crack appeared.
"I'm a stupid-"
Punch.
"Arrogant-"
Punch.
"Evil-"
Punch.
"Bastard!"
Thump.
He slid down onto the floor, panting, his knuckles bleeding and bruised.
She would never forgive him.
Not after what he did to her.
Not after how he rejected her.
Not after how he struck out at her.
Silence.
He had betrayed her trust.
After all they went through together…
This is what they ended up to be.
Pause.
He closed his eyes and attempted, once again, to calm himself.
His attempts were futile.
He opened his eyes again, new rage coursing through him.
Rage at Orochimaru.
Rage at that person.
Rage at everyone else in the world.
But mainly…
Rage at himself.
Silence.
He found himself absentmindedly patting the stuffed tomato that she had given him that day.
When had he begun to do such things?
He was seriously losing his sanity.
Thump.
He jumped and smashed into the ceiling of his house, heart racing at the loud knock on the door.
"Hey! Teme, are you in there? What was that?! Open up!"
He leapt to his feet, the top of his head smarting terribly, and yanked the door open.
"Teme, what-!"
The dobe fell silent at the sight of him.
Then…
The blonde started laughing.
"Ow!"
He had punched the dobe on the top of the head in annoyance, and stomped back into his house.
"What was that for, teme?!"
He did not reply.
"What're you here for?"
He glowed at the blonde, glaring the infamous, frightening Uchiha glare.
The dobe had become used to the glare however, and it had no effect whatsoever.
"I'm here to ask you something."
He stiffened slightly and looked over suspiciously at the blonde. The other boy's tone and face had become uncharacteristically serious.
"…what?"
Pause.
The dobe sat down silently on the couch, playing for time.
And then…
"Why did you do that to her?"
Silence.
He felt every nerve in his body tense at this question, and he stiffened like a board.
Silence.
"What did she do to you? I don't think she deserved that, Sasuke."
He felt all the rage that had consumed him simmer away, leaving him tired and worn out.
Pause.
"…I don't know."
Silence.
"You know."
He looked up at the dobe.
When had Naruto become so perceptive? When had the blonde become so serious?
"This is Sakura-chan we're talking about, Sasuke. I know that you don't feel the same way for her as you act."
His brow furrowed.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Silence.
Then…
"…do you love her, Sasuke?"
That question caught him off guard.
He blinked furiously, trying to get back into control.
Pause.
"…what?"
Naruto was looking at him very seriously, no sign of a joke or tease on that whiskered face.
"Do you love Sakura, Sasuke?"
For once, the dobe hadn't added the affectionate "-chan" suffix to her name.
He was silent.
He turned slightly away from Naruto, closing his eyes.
"Why are you asking me this?"
The blonde answered with a question.
"Why did you risk your life for her the day Sandaime Hokage died?"
He clenched his teeth and stayed silent.
"Answer me, Sasuke."
He could feel his heart beating faster at the thought of her.
"She…I…because we're teammates. I'd…do the same for you."
Silence.
"I don't doubt that. But, teme…"
He sighed inwardly, wondering why Naruto kept pestering him with questions.
"…why didn't you join Orochimaru?"
His eyes widened slightly.
…what was he going to say to that?
Pause.
"That's none of your business, Naruto."
Silence.
He felt Naruto shift beside him uncomfortably.
"I guess not."
He turned around to look at the blonde once more. Naruto was still looking at him with that serious expression.
"Well…think on it. I don't want Sakura-chan to be hurt because of you."
The words were harsh, but they struck him and sent him back into reality.
The dobe grinned, reverting back to his normal self.
"See ya next time, teme!"
He watched Naruto jump towards the window and land on the edge, then…
Pause.
"What's up with that stuffed tomato anyway? Isn't that the same one Sakura-chan gave you a year ago?"
He stiffened, but before he could answer, the blonde was gone, leaving the curtains swaying and fluttering in the wind that came through the open window.
Silence.
He sighed, got up slowly, and walked towards the window with the intention of closing it. However, he stopped at the edge and paused, looking up at the moonlit sky.
It had been a long day.
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I see him watching the hole with horror
Recoiling as the sun sets, letting
Dark shadows grasp for his life
As she gets pulled into that gaping hole
That black void
Frightening, and terrifying
Her voice calling out helplessly
As he watches, unable to do anything but stare
I smile slightly
For, were these two meant to be?
To be caught in this intricate trap of mine
To have absolutely no idea what is happening
I sit here, in the dark recesses of my mind
Watching that pair
Drown with sorrow
And end their bonds with
My vileness of it all.
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He sat at his kitchen table, eating breakfast sullenly.
Sunlight filled the bright room, making him wince with annoyance.
Why did the sun always mock him when he was feeling his worse?
The day should've been rainy and grey.
But no.
The sun had to shine this day.
He glared at no apparent spot, somewhere out the window, up at the sky.
Damn the sky for being so blue.
Damn those clouds for drifting so lazily in the sky.
Damn the sun for being so cheerful,
When he was feeling so down.
Silence.
He finished off his breakfast of pancakes and ketchup rather viciously, and threw his bowl into the sink.
And of course, it shattered.
He cursed vilely and punched the crack in the wall, making it larger, and causing his knuckles to ache with pain.
He had just woken up, and was already having a bad day.
Pause.
He glared out the window once more and decided to go for a walk.
Anywhere other than his stuffy house, where he had spent the last few days in anger.
However…
He sincerely hoped that he wouldn't meet her outside.
Seeing her was the last thing he needed at the moment.
Silence.
Step.
Step.
Step.
He shut the door and locked it securely, then set off, down the trail to the park, thinking…
He loved her.
He had come to that conclusion already.
But then…
If he loved her…
Why did he reject her confession to him?
Why was he so vehemently determined to stay away from her?
Why…
Why was he frightened of seeing her?
He loved her.
She loved him.
He was supposed to embrace her with open arms.
And yet…
Here he was, caught in the middle of an intricate web.
A huge problem weighing on his mind.
Disrupting his everyday life.
Heck, she disrupted his everyday life.
Silence.
He loved her.
Or at least…
He thought he did.
He was no longer certain about that.
People don't pushed their loved ones away.
So that means…
I…
I…
I don't love her.
Pause.
He stopped in the middle of the empty path, his head bent low, trying to gather up his thoughts once more.
If he didn't love her, then…
What was it?
What was the feeling that was in him, now?
Why did he feel as though his world had come to an end, by realizing what he had done?
By seeing the desolate and hurt expression on her face?
Why did he feel so immensely guilty after Naruto had come to see him?
Silence.
I don't know.
Or do I?
He couldn't understand himself.
He had always thought that he knew his own feelings.
He had always thought that he could control himself.
But apparently, he couldn't.
Not now.
Not after I met her.
Was he really as hopelessly head-over-heels in love with her as he had thought?
Or was it…
Something different?
Why didn't he join Orochimaru?
Wasn't gaining power his sole reason for living?
So why…
Because of her.
But…
Why, because of her?
If he didn't love her, then
Exactly why did he stay for her?
I don't know.
He really didn't know.
Silence.
He sighed and came into view of the park.
And beyond that, the bridge where he had met up with the rest of his team every day, faithfully, for missions.
And on that bridge…
Just why?
Was her.
Her pink hair was fluttering softly in the wind.
It no longer looked like a mop.
Dead and limp.
It was normal once more,
Its softness and silkiness restored.
A flash of green caught his eye, and he turned his head slightly, to see…
Bushy eyebrows.
Chattering animatedly with her.
He watched her head turn slightly.
He didn't want to see her face.
But he couldn't tear himself away.
He stood, rooted to the spot, watching…
Watching…
Watching…
And, to his surprise, she looked relatively normal.
Her eyes did not have their usual shine, but at least they had life.
Her skin did not glow as it normally did, but at least it wasn't pale and sickly.
Her mouth was curved in a smile, and…
She was actually laughing.
Not a loud laugh, or a long one.
But enough to be classified as a giggle.
Even after the way he treated her…
She was still able to laugh.
Silence.
He felt a surge of red-hot jealousy course through him, almost immediately.
How come he made her look like an empty shell,
But bushy eyebrows didn't?
How come Lee was able to set a smile on her face,
And make her laugh, even after such an ordeal?
It wasn't right…
It just wasn't right.
His hands clenched into fists and he stood there, glaring at the green-clad boy in the distance.
He smoldered in anger and jealousy.
Why couldn't he make her happy?
Why did he fill her with such sorrow?
Wasn't he the one that risked his life multiple times to save her?
Wasn't he the one that she loved?
Or was it all…
Just a lie?
"Ne, teme."
He whirled around, lashing out at the stranger that had suddenly approached him without his knowing.
"E-eh, teme, it's me! What're you doing?!"
He paused, and stopped in mid strike.
"…Naruto?"
The blonde nodded and looked slightly wary.
"Wow, you must've been really preoccupied to not have sensed me."
He raised an eyebrow.
"When did you learn to use longer words such as preoccupied?"
He saw the dobe smirk.
"I learned it from Iruka-sensei!"
"…"
He stared at the dobe.
"Uh, yeah…whatever. Why're you here? Why do you keep popping up suddenly?"
He heard the blonde sigh.
"…she looks happy, doesn't she?"
His head snapped back, and he watched her smile at something Lee said, nodding eagerly.
"…I don't think so."
He had struggled to mask the defiant tone in his voice, but failed miserably.
He saw Naruto turn back to him, expression slightly serious.
"Well, she looks happier with him than she did with you."
His mouth twitched, and he felt the urge to beat the dobe up into a pulp.
"Hn."
He turned his face away from her, not wanting to watch her act cheerful towards bushy eyebrows.
"You know, Sasuke…"
There was the dobe again, using his name. Not acting normal.
"If she's happier with Lee, then maybe you should just give her up."
He turned around to stare incredulously at Naruto for a moment, eyes wide.
"…what?"
The dobe looked back at him.
"Give her up, Sasuke. Let her be with Lee."
Silence.
"How do you know if she wants to be with him?"
The blonde rolled his eyes.
"Well, she's obviously happier with him than she is with you."
Pause.
He resisted the urge to tell the dobe that she had actually confessed to him.
"Well…who cares? It's not like I want her anyway…"
He mumbled the last part, his voice fading away rather pathetically.
"That's good then! She can be happy, and not have you dragging her down, teme."
His eyes narrowed, although he knew that the dobe was only being half serious.
"Whatever."
He turned his back on the blonde, not wanting to continue the conversation.
"…hey. Sasuke-teme…you're jealous, aren't you?"
He stiffened at this accusation.
"…"
He felt the dobe come up beside him.
"Come on, don't lie. You can tell me. I wasn't really being serious about what I said before, you know. About bushy eyebrows and stuff. It's so obvious that she likes you."
His eyebrows furrowed at the sadness in the dobe's voice. But then, this had to be a sensitive subject for the blonde. Naruto had always had a silly crush on her, even when the obvious stated that she only liked him.
"…"
Silence.
"You're the only one she truly likes, Sasuke."
Naruto's voice was sad and quiet.
"You shouldn't push her back like that. I know that you like her. Heh, you probably even love her without knowing it. But it's deep down there, Sasuke."
Why was the dobe so perceptive? It was as though someone had taken over Naruto's body and was talking through the normally noisy blonde.
Pause.
The silence was broken by the sounds of her distant laughter, and Lee's earnest voice.
"Oh, come on Lee-san, that's not true!"
"But I'm so sure I saw it, Sakura-chan!"
Step.
"I don't know what really happened yesterday, Sasuke. But I know that you hurt her. Please don't hurt Sakura-chan. She's precious to all of us, not just you. If you truly love her, teme…go apologize to her. She'll forgive you. She always does."
Step.
Step.
Step.
He gazed at the dobe's back as the latter walked away from him.
Deep down, he knew that the blonde was right.
Naruto was correct, for once.
However…
Silence.
He didn't want to believe it.
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And now they're gone,
Into the darkness of it all
That gaping void, sucking in all life
A figment of my imagination
All of them
Mere puppets to my pleasure
For, I
Like to watch them suffer
In those depths of hell
Voidless
But not very likely
As long as I am here
That void shall stay
And stay it will
For my sheer willpower
Will carry it on
And let it drift about
Sucking in innocent souls
Of sorrow.
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Silence.
He was sitting on a swing in the park,
Listening to her chatter away with busy eyebrows.
Sounding so happy…
So lively,
And so cheerful.
He felt his heart sinking.
Was she really happier with Lee?
Was he not able to make her life just a little brighter?
No…
He was too tainted.
By his own problems.
By his own ambitions.
By his own guilt.
Silence.
He felt, rather than heard, the chatter die away.
And then there was silence.
Pause.
He wondered if both she and bushy eyebrows had departed.
Gone their separate ways.
Was Lee able to give her everything he could?
Lee had promised to protect her.
Lee had always tried to cheer her up.
Lee always made her look on the bright side.
While, he…
Always tortured her so.
Always blamed her.
Always rejected her.
And yet…
Why would she love him?
Just why?
Silence.
Step.
Step.
Step.
He heard footsteps approaching him.
Sounding louder and louder.
He did not get up or look around.
He did not need to.
For, he knew…
Just by his feelings.
That it was her.
Not the dobe.
Not Kakashi.
Not Lee.
Her.
Pause.
He heard her stop, then gasp softly.
At the sight of him, no doubt.
Sitting there…
Right in front of her.
Silence.
He could feel her eyes on him.
Wary.
Watching.
And sad.
Step.
He frowned slightly.
She seemed to be walking towards him.
Closer to him.
Rather than running away.
He fought the urge to turn around.
And then…
"…S-Sasuke-kun?"
He froze slightly.
Her voice held no sign of resentment, or anger.
Rather…
It was cautious, slightly wary, curious, and a little…apologetic?
Silence.
He finally turned his head to look at her.
She looked fine.
A little nervous and not as cheerful as her usual self.
But otherwise, normal.
"…Sakura."
He watched as her eyes widened slightly at his acknowledgement of her.
Pause.
"Sasuke-kun…"
He saw her pause slightly.
"I…how-how are y-you?"
He heard her voice tremble slightly.
Silence.
"…"
Then, suddenly, she ran in front of him without warning.
"Sasuke-kun…I-I have something to say."
He looked up at her warily.
She was looking at him earnestly, with that apologetic expression on her face.
"I-I…I'm…"
He felt her stutter, and hesitate.
"I…I'm…gomen, Sasuke-kun."
He felt his whole body stiffen for a moment.
Had she…
Apologized to him?
Silence.
"I'm really sorry about the o-other day, Sasuke-kun…f-for giving you so much pressure."
He was really speechless.
Why was she apologizing to him?
When he was the one at fault?
It should be the other way around.
He was supposed to be apologizing to her.
After all, he was the one that was pressuring her.
He was the one that had struck out at her.
He was the one that had denied her when she had loved him so.
Silence.
"…why are you apologizing?"
He watched her eyes widen even more, looking rather shocked and confused.
"…well…I know t-that I pushed you t-too much…I shouldn't have followed you…I'm just really sorry for making you so upset, Sasuke-kun, I really am. I didn't mean to, it's my fault, I should've known, after you had gone through so much with Orochimaru and the Sound Four. I was being stupid, it was all my fault, please don't be mad at me Sasuke-kun, I didn't-"
She was babbling again.
"Sakura, stop."
He watched as she fell silent, looking at him with those emerald eyes.
"You shouldn't apologize. It wasn't your fault."
He closed his eyes.
He didn't know what to do.
He didn't know what he was feeling at the moment.
He knew one thing, however.
Pause.
He wasn't running away from her this time.
"I…I…"
And he stopped, falling silent as she had a few seconds ago.
He should be looking at her.
And apologizing right to her face.
But he couldn't bring himself to do it.
He didn't even know if he could apologize to her.
"I…"
He clenched his teeth and tried again, but couldn't say the words.
He stopped, however, as her voice sounded out again, soothing him.
"Ne, Sasuke-kun…"
Pause.
"You don't have to say it. I know."
He looked up at her, not knowing what to say.
She was smiling slightly.
"I know, Sasuke-kun…arigatou."
For she did love him.
Just like she said.
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But now, I am whirling
Through my own void of darkness
Swallowing me up,
As it did
To all those other hapless victims
Of my pleasure
Here I am, voidless
Suffering in my own misery
Wondering why I did not see this sooner
For, where had I made my mistake?
Just where?
Everything had been perfect
Right down to the point
Of perfection
Yet, now
I am away
Falling down into those depths of hell
Where I had sent those others
And now, they are reaching up
To take my life
To extract revenge
To gain retribution
Against me
For ruining them
She, and he
That could've once been
But weren't
All because of me.
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Right, the chapter is finished! I had a horrible writer's block in this chapter, and I hope that I plowed my way through it well enough for you guys to like it. Or enjoy it. One of those two. I know the song/poem didn't make any sense whatsoever, but hey…I had writer's block for that too. -laughs nervously-
The poem in this chapter is called Voidless.
Anyways, I really enjoyed the reviews for the last chapter; thanks a lot to all you guys that reviewed! And I hope that you guys can review again. -looks hopeful-
