Two

"Cas, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Dean," Cas hisses as he crawls along the pavement, "might I remind you that this was your idea."

"Well, yeah, revenge was my idea, but I was thinking more like putting Nair in his shampoo or making out with another dude in front of him, not this."

"Both excellent ideas. I'll have to remember them. But in the meantime, this is what we are doing."

Dean groans as he crouches low and follows up the driveway in front of Michael's house. In his hand, Dean carries the pocketknife that his dad gave to him for his thirteenth birthday.

"Okay," Cas whispers as he stops beside Michael's black 2012 Camaro. "I'll keep watch while you slash the tires, then we'll get out of here."

Dean complains, "Remind me again why I'm the one slashing your crazy ex-boyfriend's tires?"

"Because," Cas begins, "someone has to keep watch, it's your pocketknife, and this way I won't technically be lying when I tell Michael that I am absolutely not the person who cut his tires open. Because naturally he'll assume it was me."

"Yeah, and then when you assure him it wasn't you, he'll assume it was me because I'm your best friend!"

"Yeah, well," Cas shrugs, "you're better at lying anyway. Now go on!"

Dean turns and crawls to the nearest tire, grumbling under his breath the entire way. He slips his pocketknife open and is preparing to plunge it into the tire when Cas stops him with a frantic "Dean!"

"What?" Dean demands.

"Remember to only slash three of them," Cas reminds him with an evil grin. "Insurance will cover it if all four are cut. If it's only three, he'll have to pay to replace them himself."

Dean turns back to the tire wondering exactly when Cas turned evil and plunges his knife to its hilt into the tire. He quickly moves around the car, hitting two more before he closes his knife and signals to Cas to get the hell out of dodge. The two run down the driveway, laughing like idiots, and sprint down the street to Dean's 1967 Impala that's waiting for them on the corner. They pile in the front seat, gasping for air, Cas yelling at Dean to start the car and drive, drive, drive! Dean pops the car into gear and slams his foot on the gas, and the tires squeal as they peal down the street and head back to Dean's house.

"Okay," Dean says, drawing a line, "we are definitely not doing anything else illegal."

"Fine, fine," replies Cas. "But you have to admit, that was pretty fun. And I do feel a little better."

Dean just grumbles as he grabs a coke from the fridge and heads back to the living room.

"So," Cas starts, "I've been thinking about what you said. About what we should do to Michael, and I think you're right. I think that him seeing me perfectly happy without him and with someone else would bug him. Especially after he called me this morning trying to apologize. As if I would give him another chance after Mr. College Guy's dick floating out everywhere."

"Alright," replies Dean. "So go out on some dates, find somebody to hang out with. Rub it in his face. Move on and be happy."

"Well that's the thing Dean. We're in the middle of Kansas. Not exactly a lot to choose from in terms of men who are firmly out of the closet. But I do know someone who is into guys and who could believable be involved with me, seeing as we already spend all of our time together anyway," Cas finishes with a sly smirk on his face.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. I am not going to pretend to date you just to make Michael feel like an asshat. No."

"Oh, come on!" Cas pleads as Dean gets off the couch as starts stalking around the room. "It doesn't have to be for long, only a couple weeks! Just long enough for Michael to feel shitty and for me to rub it in his face a little! It's not like people don't know you're out anyway, after that party at Victor's last year I'm pretty sure everyone knows you're bi."

"No!" Dean yells. "No, it's just weird!"

"Please, come on, please Dean! We don't have to kiss or go on real dates or anything! Just some handholding at school, heavy flirting when he's around! It'll be super low-key, I promise."

Dean fidgets and tries to avoid Castiel's gaze as Cas stares at him with his best set of puppy eyes. Cas knows that Dean can't resist the damn puppy eyes.

"Fine!" Dean explodes. "Fine! But only for three weeks, tops, got it? And no lip-locking, no weird, inappropriate touching, nothing that's gonna make this friendship awkward, capische?"

"Absolutely, got it, 300% got it, I promise you won't regret this, Dean, thank you!"

Dean has a feeling he is definitely going to regret this.

Dean picks up Cas on Monday morning, just like every school day, and the two drive to school. They don't really talk on the drive there, don't discuss their plan or what they did with their Sundays, but the second they step out of the car and make their way to the front doors of the school, Castiel grabs Dean's hand.

"Whoa, hey!" Dean exclaims in shock.

"Dean, if this is going to be believable, you have to relax. It's just my hand, not my dick, calm down. If Michael is going to believe we're together, the whole school is going to have to think so, too."

Dean grumbles a little about Cas's "perfect plan," but let's Cas latch onto his hand nonetheless. He threads his fingers through Castiel's and continues onto the school, trying to ignore the stares that he can feel coming from his various classmates. Strangely enough, the only thing he can think while trekking on is that Huh, Cas's hands are actually pretty soft.