Author's Notes – Some of the flashback is taken from the full version aka sex version of part 5, if you still want it and haven't gotten it yet let me know.
Summary – Tommy has trouble returning Zedd's proclamation of love.
-o-
Just Words?
Tommy
-o-
(1 month later…)
Sitting on the porch swing and watching the sun rise over the horizon, I heave a tired sigh, really just wanting to go back to bed and curl up next to my lover.
So why don't I? Why do I let myself be pulled from the comfort of my bed, our bed to brood over something that doesn't even seem to be a problem?
"Because it is a problem." Holding my cup of coffee just a bit tighter and feeling increasingly worse the longer I contemplate it, I drop my head wearily. Why couldn't I just say it? Why can't I just say it?
"I love you."
Those words those three little words. He just had to say them didn't he. Just had to say them after we…
-oooooooooo-
Breath escaping me, I struggle under his added weight as he collapses onto my back, lips lingering just below my ear to press a last kiss to the heated skin he finds there.
So good, that was so very very good, even if he was a little over cautious due to his concerns of accidentally harming me. I honestly wonder how strong he really is. What does eltarian strength equal out to human wise anyways? Are all eltarians stronger or just males? Would he let me test him to see how strong? And coming to think of it, is this really something I should be thinking about with us both still joined at the hip so to speak?
Tilting my head back with weary difficulty I smile smally as he wraps himself around me, seeming perfectly content to remain joined for the time being even if the activity is over for now.
Catching my eye and silently asking if I mind he looks all too pleased as I shake my head no in response. This is nice. This is how it should be. Just the two of us basking in the afterglow, trying to catch our breaths, telling each other… telling each other those three little words that are expected to be said after such a thing.
Swallowing and knowing I should say it, knowing I should tell him how much he means to me as Hayley said, knowing the words that are needed, I nevertheless find myself at a loss for allowing them out of my mouth. Instead settling for the rather idiotic comment that, "Sorry, pillow's a bit of a mess now."
Chuckling and removing said pillow from under my hips where he'd placed it before entering me, his response is much better tempered then I had expected. "I think the whole bed is a bit of a mess. One I will deal with later." Stifling a yawn he makes himself more comfortable.
"I'll help. After a little sleep. And a shower. And food." Stop rambling and say it. Just say it.
"Couldn't agree more." Apparently nearly asleep and either unconcerned with saying what is expected to be said himself, or too tired to recall the correct phrase, he allows his eyes to slide shut moments before mine follow suit.
It's only when I begin to drift off do the words come in a warm whisper to my ear. "I love you." Damn it.
-oooooooo-
It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't have said it. I wouldn't have felt so guilty when I couldn't respond with the same, or even if I didn't return the feeling. But I do. I love him. I've no doubt or question about it. The only problem is I don't seem to be able to tell him like I should.
And it of course doesn't help matters that he tells me every time we have-
"Sex?"
Jumping just enough to spill my still scalding hot coffee onto my hand, I let loose a curse that could rival any Zedd has heard or said in a good long while.
"Shit, sorry." Taking the cup from me and setting it on the porch he quickly retrieves a wet cloth from the kitchen before returning to wrap it around my wounded hand. "Oh Thomas, I'm sorry I didn't think you were that deep in thought to not even hear me coming outside."
"I guess I spaced out." Wincing as the sharp pain begins to reduce to a searing throb I go to say more before noticing that despite the small chill in the early morning air Zedd has decided to join me o'natural. "Zedd we've talked about this, you cannot walk around naked."
Raising a suggestive brow he gives a shake of his head. "I didn't hear you complaining last night."
"How many times do we have to go over this? Just because naked in the house is okay doesn't mean that out of the house you won't get ticketed for public indecency." Not that it's not a sexy bit of indecency, but still I can't have him walking around in all his glory for who knows to see.
"It's not like we have neighbors."
"And we never will if you don't put clothes on before going outside." Well perhaps I spoke too soon, I'm sure if word got around we'd have divorced women and oversexed college girls building up around us. As it is though I rather like having nothing but trees and squirrels right now.
"Neighbors are overrated." Sliding onto the porch swing beside me, he begins swaying us lazily as his right arm finds its way around my shoulders. "If we had neighbors we wouldn't be able to have the wonderful outdoors sex life we both enjoy so very much."
Give him a bow job once in the backyard and suddenly we have an outdoors sex life.
Nudging me gently when I don't respond his smile falters ever so slightly. "What's wrong Thomas, you're not your usual perky…alright you're never perky, but you're at least pleasant most of the time. So tell me what's got you sitting out here at six in the morning all by your lonesome self."
"I'm a bad boyfriend."
"Are you? Hm, well let's think about this. You cook, you clean even if not well you at least try, you let me decorate the bedroom in my favorite colors, you know when not to mess with me by just a few words or a look, and you are a very passionate bed partner now that I've gotten you out of your shell. Though we still really need to work on you taking your shirt off when we have a go at it." Not the shirt thing again. I hate the shirt thing.
-ooooooooo-
"Nothing's missing, at least not anymore." Smiling and bringing him back down into a heated lip lock, I cut off any further questions or concerns he might have regarding the situation.
Allowing me to draw his mouth open and engage his tongue in a sensual duel I can practically feel him struggle to refrain from asking where I've learned to kiss so well, instead simply enjoying the feel of my hands coming up to encircle his neck as my mouth remains sealed with his own neither of us wishing to give up the contact for air until it's necessary.
However releasing me all too soon to aid in the removal of my clothing, he gets a rather unpleasant surprise. Trying to pull me free of my black t-shirt he nearly makes it before his attempts are thwarted by my strong grip on the fabric. "Wha-"
"Leave it on." Trying to continue our oral engagement I fix him with a hard look as he again brings pause to the matter.
"Okay I know you're new at this, and honestly I'll admit I haven't had all that much experience at it either, but I feel fairly certain in saying that half the fun of it is getting naked." That said he makes a second attempt to discard the piece of clothing, only to find just as much resistance as he had before.
"We can get naked, I just don't want my shirt off okay." The firm tone broken by just a hint of pleading, I mentally curse myself for allowing my weakness to show. However if I have any hope at keeping my shirt in place it would seem a little glimpse at said weakness is required. "You asked if there was anything I wanted, well this is something I want okay?"
"But why?"
Averting my gaze, face flushing with embarrassment I mutter out my response as I see realization dawn upon him. "You know why. You've seen before."
"Thomas do you really think I'm that bothered by your scars?" Yes.
"No, I don't think you are. But I am. So this time could you just maybe let me leave it on, okay. Please." Unable to deny such a need-filled request even if he knows it's only feeding my irrational insecurities he nevertheless gives a nod of agreement, though be it a reluctant one.
"Fine but we'll talk about this later." No, we won't.
-oooooooo-
"You know just because you won't take your shirt off when we have sex, that really doesn't make you a bad boyfriend Thomas. Just strange and extremely self-conscious if anything." Oh thanks, feel so much better now.
"That's not why." Though it's probably not helping matters.
"Then why?" Studying my closely and looking as if he already has a fairly good idea, he's definitely not going to make this easy. Not that I blame him.
"Because I can't say it." The muttered response bringing me a curious look, one which I cannot determine to be fake or real, I really just wish I'd stayed in bed now. I hadn't really planned on having this out with him today, not that I didn't know it would have to happen soon, but still.
"Say it? And what pray tell is 'it'?" You know what it is. The thing I have neglected to say every night for the past month, the thing you tell me every time we go to bed. The thing I used to be able to tell Kimberly so easily when I didn't even deep down mean it, but yet can't say to someone I truly feel that way about.
"You know what it is. You tell me all the time and I haven't, I can't say it back. Don't tell me that doesn't bother you at least a little bit, because I'm not even the one getting short changed on it and it's eating me up inside." Lowering my gaze and cringing as he pulls me closer, his body heat somehow warming me through my t-shirt and workout pants, I'm taken by surprise as a soft chuckle is given.
"Humans. You all honestly make the biggest deal out of such small things. You're all upset and guilt ridden because you can't parrot back the words 'I love you'? This is why you're sitting out here cold and alone instead of having a morning romp with me in our bed? Thomas if I was truly bothered by the fact you had yet to return those words I would have told you or questioned your reluctance long before now."
"Then why didn't you? Aren't you even a little bit bothered I'm having such a hard time saying it?" I know I would be if the situation were reversed.
"Do you love me?"
Caught off guard by the abrupt and calm question I answer almost instantly. "Of course I do!"
"Then that's all I need. I don't need words. You show me you love me in the way you kiss me, the way you touch me, and the way you allow me to kiss and touch you. I see it in your eyes, in your actions. Those words, that's all they are Thomas, just words. Honestly I'm not certain why you're so scared to say them, but really it makes no difference. I can see you love me and you know as well as I do that that's worth so much more then anything else you could offer."
"Really?"
"Really." Pressing a chaste kiss to my lips, he stands slowly taking me with him. "Now why don't we go inside so I can fix your hand up before you show me just how much you love me. Deal?"
"Deal." Leaning into him and unsure just how he can be so even tempered about things that I'm certain would set me off, I barely reframe from smiling just a bit evilly. "You know you'd make a good dad."
"Would I now?" Not really paying attention to the conversation as I'm certain he considers the matter closed and resolved, his mind now on our bed and just what we can do in it, he leads me to the kitchen to retrieve the first aid kit.
"Yeah you would. You're very mellow when there are problems to be dealt with, you know how to fix up injuries, and you have a knack for getting people to go to bed."
Studying my burned hand closely as he applies some salve to it, he gives an absent nod of agreeance. "Mhm."
"Which is why I think we should have kids." Covering my mouth with my uninjured palm I stifle a laugh as he slips from the barstool he was perched on at the kitchen counter to land flat on his back across the linoleum floor.
"What?!"
"I'm thinking two boys and a girl, how about you?"
To be continued……..
Yeah I reused some of the sex stuff as flashbacks to fill it out some, sue me. Aside that though I know not much went down here but it's needed to lead into the next part when 'their' three kids making their appearances.
