So this took a little longer to write than I had expected. Hopefully the pacing is okay, because when I was editing it felt a little quick, so I tried to slow it down, but I don't know how well that worked.
Anyway, I don't know if this chapter will be unexpected and surprising, or if you guys saw it coming. Let me know after you read it! :D
Hope you like it. Enjoy!
Chapter 10
Relief
Fili
Fili felt out of control, as if his body had developed a separate mind of it's own. His body was desperately grasping onto Kili - kissing Kili - but his mind was screaming and protesting. What on earth was he doing? He'd spent weeks swearing to himself that he wouldn't cave to his own desires and ruin his new friendship, yet here he was, doing exactly that.
The worst part was that Kili didn't even respond. The brunette remained stiff in Fili's grip. Fili even would've felt better if he had just pulled away, but instead, he was going to have to be the one to end it, and he wasn't sure how to.
Eventually, after what felt like a painful eternity, control over his body returned, and he hastily pulled back, taking quick steps until the back of his knees hit the bed. He sat heavily on it.
Kili still didn't move and stood staring dumbly at the blonde, as if he wasn't fully aware of what had just taken place.
Fili felt his eyes fill with tears.
"Oh my god," he gasped, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth in shock and shame. "I'm sorry, Kili. I'm so, so sorry. Sorry, Kili, sorry."
The brunette shook his head, silencing Fili, and then he stepped towards him, opening his mouth as if to speak, but the blonde stopped him.
"No, Kili. Don't… don't s-say anything." His voice broke, and he pushed himself of the bed and strode out of the room, wiping angrily at the hot tears that were now streaming down his face. He couldn't see anything at all and was surprised when he actually made it into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.
Taking a moment to breath, Fili leaned against the bathroom counter and looked at himself in the mirror. He was a wreck; his eyes were bloodshot, his beard was scruffier than usual and partly wet, due to the tears that had caught in it, and his hair was an absolute disaster, hanging around his shoulders in limp, tangled strands. The look reminded Fili of a younger version of himself, back when he'd been into some not-so-great things. He wasn't that man anymore, though. He refused to be.
Eventually he ended up on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and trying to decide what to do. He couldn't stay there; he couldn't bear to look at Kili again, and the brunette had nowhere to go. Nor did Fili think he should have to go anywhere. No. Fili would leave.
He weighed his options. Either he was going to have to go to Tauriel's or Legolas,' neither of which he particularly wanted to see in this state. On one hand, he preferred Tauriel, because he was closer to her and she would be more of a comfort, but on the other, Legolas wouldn't pry and ask as many questions as she would. It was a matter of how much he wanted to confess.
"Fili? What are you doing here?"
Half an hour later, after sneaking quietly downstairs and out of the house, Fili was standing on Legolas' doorstep. Obviously his friend hadn't expected him, but then again, why would he? It was nearly 10:00 at night, on a weekday, and Fili hadn't given him any warning.
Fili opened his mouth but couldn't reply.
"Are you okay?" Legolas continued, stepping forward a bit to look at his face closer. "You look like a mess. What happened?"
"Can we not talk about it?" Fili hated how small and weak his voice sounded, still thick with tears. "I just need a place to stay."
Legolas nodded and stepped aside, gesturing for him to come in, no questions asked. Once the door was shut and locked again, Legolas and Fili made their way through the dark house and upstairs to the bedroom, not speaking a single word the whole way. Once upstairs, Fili was also handed a pair of flannel pajama pants, which were actually his.
"Go change," his friend demanded. "You don't want to sleep in jeans, and you left these here the last time you stayed the night."
Nodding, he took the pants and changed into them, thankful for Legolas' ability to treat him so normally. He'd never had very many friends, but the two he had meant the world to him. He couldn't have asked for two better people in his life.
After changing, the two of them settled down to watch a movie, since Legolas could clearly tell that Fili wasn't going to explain his random appearance. However, it wasn't long after the film had begun that Legolas fell asleep, leaving Fili to his own devices.
If he was being honest with himself, the one thing Fili wanted was a drink. He hadn't had even a sip of alcohol in months, and he'd actually been doing really well until now. The need was burning in his veins, screaming at him to drown his woes, to numb it all. He knew it wasn't rational - that he should solve his problem some other way - but he was an addict, and there was simply nothing else he could think of doing.
Being as quiet as possible, Fili slid off the bed and cracked open the door, effectively squeezing out of the room without waking up his friend. He took the stairs two at a time, knowing exactly where he was headed, just hoping that Lara wasn't still awake. He really didn't want to get caught.
Once Fili reached the liquor cabinet, which was actually quite large and took up a good portion of a wall in the dining room, he knelt down and cracked open one of the cupboards, nearly crying again at the sight that met his eyes. Everything he needed was right there, and even though he knew it was terribly wrong, he snatched up a bottle of tequila, grimacing at the taste he knew was about to come, but knowing it would hit him fast, which was exactly what he was looking for.
There was slight hesitation at first. Fili couldn't help but think of how disappointed his family and friends would be if they found out, but Legolas didn't actually know about his past with alcohol. He was Fili's only friend that had remained in the dark about the whole thing, for which he was thankful. At least there was someone who didn't know how fucked-up he was.
Without any further ado, the blonde screwed the top off of the bottle and tipped it back, swallowing as much of the golden liquid as he could, as quickly as he could. After a few gulps, he set the bottle down, choking slightly and wiping at his lips. The burn was almost unbearable, and he'd never liked the taste of tequila to begin with. It also didn't help that his body hadn't consumed any alcohol in so long, and the dizzying effects hit him quickly, making him want to throw up. Instead, he picked the bottle up and tipped it back once more.
He continued on for a while, until he was fairly sure that his liver would fail completely, and then he tossed the bottle aside, probably spilling the rest of its contents across the carpeted floor, and then laid back, allowing the drink to do it's job.
It wasn't long at all before Fili felt like a completely numb, dizzy puddle of goo. The room was tilting around him, and every time he tried to move his head it would spin at such a high velocity that he couldn't make out a single, solid object. He knew he couldn't stay there, lying in the middle of the dining room, but also wasn't sure if he could make it back to Legolas' bedroom. The best he could do was try.
Groaning with the effort, Fili rolled over onto his stomach and eventually was able to get up on his hands and knees. He couldn't make out anything, but he still had a slight sense of feeling, so he began crawling in the direction that he thought would get him back to the staircase. It took every ounce of effort to make it, and he eventually felt the rise of a step under his hand, but at that moment he realized it was also the end of his journey; there was no way he'd be able to make it up the stairs.
Accepting defeat, he laid his head down on the bottom stair, golden hair fanning out across it, like a halo, mocking him for his poor control and behavior. He wasn't at all looking forward to what morning would bring, but he tried not to think about that as he let his eyes slide shut.
Sleep took him swiftly, bringing with it a blissful, dreamless escape.
Kili
Once Fili had stormed out of the bedroom, Kili stood staring at the wall in absolute confusion. He literally had no clue what had just happened, and it was taking a while to wrap his head around.
One thing was for sure: Fili had just kissed him, and although it had been completely unexpected and sudden, he had really liked it. Kili was a bit upset about how short-lived it had been, considering the blonde hadn't exactly given him much time to process what was happening and respond, but he had still loved it, nonetheless, because it meant that Fili had feelings for him, which was all that Kili really wanted.
He'd honestly been pining over the guy for a couple of weeks, and even though he'd tried to be subtle, he was well aware that he'd been caught staring more than a few times. He couldn't help it; Fili, between his glowing skin, golden hair and perfect dimples, was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever laid his eyes on. How could he not stare? And it wasn't just his looks, either. Recently, Kili had been getting to know the blonde really well, and he was starting to see that Fili had some demons in his past that he was hiding, but he was also seeing a kind, loving person, who was fiercely dedicated to his friends and family.
The two of them had also found that they had a lot in common. They had, generally speaking, the same taste in music, film and even food. They also had a lot of traits that went really well together. While Fili loved creating art, Kili loved to view it, critique it and try to understand it. Kili had a passion for the kitchen, while Fili had a passion for consuming whatever came out of the kitchen. They got along famously and went together like bread and butter. There was no denying that.
Once Kili had gotten over his initial shock, the brunette strode across the hallway and back into his room. He could see a light shining from under the bathroom door as he crossed the short distance, and considered checking on Fili, but didn't want to upset the blonde anymore than he already had.
Kili quietly shut the door to his bedroom, not even bothering to turn on the light, and walked over to lay down on his new bed. The mattress was firm and supportive, causing him to exhale a breath of relief as he laid down, stretching each limb the best he could before slumping bonelessly.
There was a soft light coming through the blinds that covered the window, illuminating the room just enough for Kili to see. He wasn't going to lie to himself - he could not, and knew he would not, stop thinking about Fili. He was worried about him, after seeing the horror stricken look that had skittered across his beautiful features. He was hoping that the older boy would soon calm down and come talk to him, because Kili wanted nothing more than to sort out this situation and give Fili what both of them wanted.
Never before had Kili felt so strongly. Ordinarily he would be too shy or scared to jump into a relationship so quickly, but Fili was different. He'd never felt about anyone the way he felt about Fili, and the connection they had gave him the strength to man up and take what he wanted, as long as the blonde would give him the chance to do so.
Scratching at his head, Kili glanced around the bare room, trying to decide what to do. The night had left his mind entirely jumbled. Between Tauriel and Fili, Kili had never felt so confused in his entire life, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. He'd sorted out his relationship with Tauriel, and now that he knew how Fili felt, he thought he should be able to do the same with him, but something was nagging at him. He had a strange feeling about the blonde, leaving his stomach a little uneasy.
Rolling over, the brunette dismissed his gut feeling. He hadn't actually known Fili for that long, after all, and just because he felt like something was wrong didn't meant that it was. Fili's strange behavior could've all been due to nerves, and if Kili went and made a big deal out of the situation, it would only make him look like a fool. No, it was better to just let the blonde simmer down until morning, and then he and Fili would be able to talk things out.
As Kili fell asleep, he could've sworn he'd heard the front door of the house open and close, but passed it off as nothing more than a dream.
Well then. We'll see what happens when good ol' Leggy finds his friend passed out on the stairs. Fun fun!
Let me know what you guys think! Critique is welcomed, as are thoughts and suggestions! Thank you so much for reading. I love you all. 3
