Chapter 4: Dealing with loss
The next day, Draco was brutally woken up by Laffy that was shaking him the hardest she could. It was still dark outside, and he was really confused about why he had to get up so early.
"Master needs to wake up! The girl is very angry! She is trying to hurt herself!" exclaimed Laffy the second Draco opened his eyes.
"What? How can she hurt herself? That room is empty," reasoned Draco.
"Well, I was scrubbing the floor when she got up and she started banging her fists on the table and on the walls. And I tried to make her stop, but she wouldn't. And then her knuckles started turning red, and I thought I had to come get you. Sorry, master, if I was mistaken," said Laffy.
"You've done the right thing, Laffy. Were you there all night?" asked Draco as he slipped out of bed.
"Master told Laffy to clean up the cell, and it's still very filthy," explained Laffy.
"Okay, go get some sleep. You can continue later on. I'll go check her out," replied Draco as he slipped into the clothes he wore yesterday.
Draco directed himself towards the cells even though he had absolutely no desire to see Hermione. He was still somewhat angry about the conversation they had yesterday, and he didn't really want to be screamed at again. Yeah, she was dealing with the death of a loved one, but who isn't dealing with that here? Losing is a part of life. Everyone loses. Aren't we all losers somehow?
When the door to the cell opened, Draco was taken aback. Hermione was hysterical. She was trying to hit everything she could get her hands on. And in the process of doing so, she had managed to scrape about every single area of her body that wasn't covered with clothing.
"Bloody hell! Hermione, you've got to get a grip on yourself!" shouted Draco.
"This is so unfair! He never did any wrong! Why would they take him away so early? Why would they deprive him of his whole future? He didn't deserve it," sobbed Hermione hysterically as she kicked the metal table that would not budge an inch.
Hermione then started to hit the nearby wall frantically. Draco quickly got in front of her, grabbed her wrists, turned her around so she had her back to the wall, pinned her to the wall with his whole body, and said, "Hermione, you can't hurt yourself like this. Even if you manage to destroy this room, it won't bring him back. Nothing ever will, so get used to the idea. The way you chose to deal with loss is a choice. You can chose to let it define you, confine you, refine you, outshine you, or you can make the choice to move on. And I know it's been only two days, and that you're not getting a lot of time to grieve him thoroughly, but you need to understand that the world doesn't stop spinning because you feel wronged. And honestly, if the only thing you want is to join him, you can tell yourself that it's going to happen much sooner than you'd think."
Hermione's head fell on his chest, and in a matter of seconds, her tears had seeped through his shirt. She then whispered through her tears, "What am I supposed to do without him? How am I supposed to accept the fact I won't ever be able to touch his skin again? Does the pain go away? How is it possible to move on? How did you do it?"
Draco felt that her legs were giving in, so he gently let her slide down to the ground. He then chose to heal her wounds that would otherwise take days and days to heal. As he was vanishing the bruises, he told her about his mother's death, in a way no one had ever heard about it.
"When you were brought in here the first time and tortured by my aunt, things were very different. After that, a constant flow of prisoners was brought in, and almost anybody could interrogate any prisoner the way they wanted to. So I guess it isn't much of a surprise that a lot of torture had been going on. But then, the younger, newer Death Eaters started having their way with female prisoners. And then, that practice just spread like wildfire through the Dark Lord's ranks. Too many idiots. Anyways, my mom hated that this was being done in our house, and one day, she decided that she's had enough of it. She made the choice to take a stand for all the victims. My mom was a very good dueller, but she couldn't do anything against a horde of thirsty young men. She was quickly disarmed, and then they took her pride and everything left of her mental sanity," explained Draco.
"That's terrible," replied Hermione, her eyes closed.
As Draco was finishing up cleaning up her body, he continued, "And they made me find her body. It was atrocious. You don't really know what you're seeing. You don't really understand what it is you're supposed to be seeing or thinking. You don't know what to do or who to tell… I was completely shocked and pained, but I think the final blow was seeing my father's facial expression when he heard the news for the first time. His face dropped like all life in him was sucked out. And I know that my father has about every single flaw in this universe, but I think he was capable of love… for her. I think he really loved her. And I'm pretty sure a part of him died with her. So I felt like I lost the both of my parents that day."
"And how did you deal with it?" asked Hermione.
Draco was done healing her wounds, and just sat down next to her before he went on, "I was angry for a long while, which led me to the somewhat unwise decision to take my revenge."
"What did you do?" inquired Hermione.
"Well… I might've… killed them all," answered Draco, shyly.
"All of them? How did you do that?" asked Hermione, shocked.
"Well, you might not remember this very well, but I was actually quite passionate about potions when we were in school," began Draco.
"Oh, yes, I remember that. I could never beat you at potions. It frustrated me a lot, and I blamed professor Snape for your ease at getting O's all the time," interrupted Hermione.
"You weren't the only one, but I truly loved potion brewing. And I started experimenting mixes at home. Well, at first, I was just attempting to brew extremely difficult potions, but then I started getting curious about what would happen if you mixed two potions together. Would their respective properties add one to another? Would one cancel the other out? Would it make a completely different potion, or end up as a soup of bizarre ingredients? When I started to experiment, I was a little afraid of the results, so I started out with basic potions and didn't get very interesting results. When I learned what had happened to my mother, I was so enraged that I thought: what if I can get them at their own game? What if their despicable actions backfired and killed them? With that in mind, I started dissecting the problem and figured I needed to brew a lethal lust potion. And, in the end, that's exactly what I did," explained Draco.
"You managed to brew a lethal lust potion? How did you do that? How does it work?" asked Hermione, clearly impressed with his potion brewing abilities.
"That one, surprisingly and against all odds, I actually got on my first try. I mixed a simple commercially-made Lust Concoction with a perfect Draught of Living Death, and it just worked. I know that the Draught of Living Death induces a lengthy deathlike slumber, but mixed with a Lust Concoction, it's fatal. And the way it works, well… basically, after you climax, you begin feeling drowsy until you fall asleep and your whole body just shuts down," answers Draco, in a tone that didn't leave any doubt about his passion for potion brewing.
"Wow, that's really… something. Did you try the Wiggenweld Potion? It's the antidote for magically induced sleep! Maybe it works on your potion too!" observed Hermione. Although her brewing skills weren't as flawless as Draco's, her knowledge concerning potions was impeccable.
"Indeed I did try, but my tester was as dead as could be. So I then slipped the potion in all of the sinners' food at dinner. They were all dead by morning, and no one could explain it, although some pointed their fingers at me," added Draco.
"And nobody did anything about it? Why didn't you slip it in the others' meals or threaten them to do it if they didn't stop doing it?" asked Hermione, curious.
"Well, as for your first question, word had gotten around about what they've done, so a lot thought they deserved the outcome of the situation, and others either didn't care or were too afraid to say otherwise. And as for your second question, threatening them would have gotten me killed, I believe. Additionally, I don't think the Dark Lord would have been pleased to learn that I decimated his army of sexually-twisted followers," mentioned Draco.
"Right… And how do you feel about the outcome of your revenge?" Hermione demanded.
"Well, in case you haven't noticed, killing doesn't always solve the problem. The satisfaction of getting my revenge wasn't exactly what I had hoped it would be. I mean, I thought that if they died, I would be fine, but that wasn't true. My mother didn't come back to life for what I did. I didn't get praise or anything for what I did. So, in the end, I had to grief like anyone dealing with a lost loved one. And it was very hard for me, because for the first time in my life, what I wanted I could never have. And I'm not referring to the amount of gold we have, but I was taught that I could have anything I wanted if I worked for it. And when you deal with the loss of a loved one, no amount of work will bring you what you want," explained Draco.
"I'm sorry for making you relive all of this," said Hermione.
"I'm actually quite glad you listened to me… It was the first time I ever told someone how I felt about my mother's death… So, thanks, I guess," admitted Draco.
"Well, you're welcome…. Oh my god, Draco, I feel so confused about all this. I don't know what to feel: pain, sadness, frustration… It's like I'm so full of emotions, but feel so empty," confessed Hermione.
"I know how that feels… You can ask yourself: what would he want me to do?" suggested Draco.
"Oh, I guess that's a good idea… Let me think… I guess he would want me to help Harry. Oh! Draco, you need to get me out of here! I have to get out! Please get me out!" said Hermione as she wiped her face with the back of her hand.
"I can't do that, Hermione," replied Draco.
"Polyjuice potion, invisibility cloak, disguise me as a dead body, maybe an elf can get me out like Dobby did last time… Anything! I have to get out! Harry needs my help!" exclaimed Hermione her mind racing through the different possibilities of escape.
"Listen to me, Hermione! You could never get out of here alive, because the only ones who can, are the ones who have the dark mark burned into their forearm," explained Draco.
"Well, can you give me a pretend or temporary one to allow me to pass the gates?" hoped Hermione.
"I think that'd be impossible… You see, not only is the Dark Lord the one that applies the dark mark, but he also manages to track the movements of each and every follower sporting the mark," added Draco.
"How is that even possible?" asked Hermione.
"Well, we have this huge crystal globe in one of our ballrooms, and he charmed it to show where his followers are. So, wherever you'd go, he could follow you, and I doubt you'd want him to find out Potter's secret hiding place," continued Draco.
As Hermione slumped back down against the wall, she said, "I guess you're right. It's hopeless."
"Don't…. don't say that. Don't lose hope," responded Draco.
"Oh, how I wish things were different…" whispered Hermione, fatigue taking over her conscience.
"In another universe, they are," replied Draco.
A few minutes of silence passed by before Draco noticed that Hermione had fallen asleep. She probably hadn't had much sleep since the moment he left her cell yesterday. She had to be exhausted. So, he lifted her up, and lay her down on the table before he exited her cell.
