Castiel could not sleep that night.

He paced around the room, listening to the soft snores from the sleeping Balthazar. He finally stopped in front of a storage room and with hesitation put the key in, unlocked the door and opened it. He almost felt nostalgic although another feeling overcame the nostalgia. He wasn't sure if he felt sick or excited and his fingers slowly brushed against the walls of the room before flicking the switch, bringing light into the room.

The room was filled with weapons, shotguns placed on shelves and different knifes hung on the walls- the light making the metal shine beautifully and dangerously. He took a deep breath and felt the coldness of the knife, tracing the blade from the tip to the handle.

He came to this town to be away from the hunting life but yet he couldn't find himself to throw the weapons away so he locked them in the room and tried to put it in the back of his mind but he couldn't quite do that. The life and the memories would never leave him and the scars on his bodies, the nightmares always reminded him of the past that he so desperately tried to escape.

"You couldn't leave it behind huh."

He turned around to see Balthazar leaning against the door frame, running his hands through his messy hair. Castiel shied away from his eyes, "No… no one really does."

"When you run away from it… it always finds a way back to you. Cas, I don't want you to go… but I need you to come with me, we were the best in the business, no one could be as good as us and you know it."

Castiel couldn't help but agree with the man, they were the best hunters in America and amongst hunters they were placed on a pedestal. No one could beat them at their game; they were quick, efficient and fearless. But the hunting life damages Castiel and made him into a person he could not recognise, when he hunted, it was as if he became one of the monsters he killed. He manipulated, deceived and tortured them; he turned into a person without a soul- no emotions, no connections. He just did his job.

"Balthazar… I don't want to go back… I have a life here."

Balthazar sighed, "I guess I can't change your mind. I'll leave in the morning."

Balthazar left the room and went back to the couch, leaving Castiel alone in the room. He wondered, did he really have a life here? He didn't have a job, didn't have any friends. He was simply living a simple life until his time was up.

No… He had Dean.

He finally knew why he refused to go back to that life; it was because of the Dean Winchester. He hadn't realised it until now that Dean made him calm, Dean made him value his life but Dean didn't know Castiel. Would he still be friends with him if he knew about his past? How he ruthlessly could kill without a single thought or remorse? If Castiel did go on this hunting job and came back, could he return back to the same Castiel that he was now? He wasn't sure.

Castiel knew he should back away from Dean, he was flying too close to the sun and he knew that he would get burnt into ashes in the end. But Dean had made him feel so alive, he felt… Castiel had never felt this normal in such a long time.

He sighed, turning off the lights of the room and walked out.


(10 years ago)

"I know you're not telling me the truth!"

Balthazar yelled at the man sitting on the chair, his hands and legs tied tightly with rope, so tight that when he moved, he flinched at the pain that the ropes caused rubbing against his raw, bleeding skin. Around him was a circle of salt and spray painted was a circle with a stair inside it- the devils's trap.

The demon started to laugh at the three men standing in front of him. The rough hunting lifestyle had made them look older than they were- although they were still handsome men. Although their eyes looked exhausted and their bodies were prove that they were hunters, lean with muscle but droned with scars that each told a story.

"Leave the room."

Balthazar and Gabriel looked at Castiel who was standing with his arms across his chest, the two man looked wearily at each other and left the abandoned warehouse, standing outside the door leaving Castiel and the demon alone.

"Do you think we're playing a game here? You know about that fucking vampire so give us information or I'll make sure you wish you were back in hell."

"What can you do? You kill me, no information for you."

Castiel picked up a water bottle and stepped into the circle of salt, standing in the devil's trap in front of the demon. His face was bloody and Castiel could tell he felt weak- they had left him in the warehouse for 2 days without food or water.

"You must be thirsty. Drink."

Castiel uncapped the water and forcefully opened the demon's house, pouring the water into his mouth and quickly shut his mouth- making sure that he could not spit it out. The man tried to let out a scream, his body writhing while his eyes wide, almost begging Castiel to let him spit out the water. He was in excruciating pain, his mouth burnt like electricity was in his mouth and finally Castiel let go of his mouth and he coughed the water out of his mouth- it was red with blood.

"Holy water… fuck you." He muttered, still feeling the burn in his mouth which Castiel ignored. He took out a blade from its sheath that hung on the side of his hip and placed the cold blade against his neck, cutting his skin but the demon held back a scream.

Castiel poured the water over the fresh wound and now the demon could no longer hold in his scream. Outside the warehouse, Balthazar and Gabriel closed their eyes, trying to ignore the screams. Their face pale and a sick feeling formed before Gabriel left the door of the warehouse. Castiel was ruthless towards demons and everything in between. The few months of hunting had affected Castiel the most, he barely slept and barely ate. He was obsessed with finding the vampire that attacked Anna but when they found that there were other monsters out in the world he wanted to kill them all. His two brothers were worried about him and how much he had changed into someone they could no longer recognised as their fellow brother.

He was no longer Castiel. It was as if he had lost any humane emotions, he was an empty human shell without a soul and without a care.

Slowly, without realising it himself, he had turned into the monsters he was hunting.


(Present Day)

Balthazar woke up in the morning to an empty apartment. Castiel was gone, the weapon room was locked and he sighed. He packed his bag and made his way out of the small apartment before stopping at the door. In a frame was a photo of the 4 of them, Anna, Gabriel, Balthazar and Castiel. It was when they moved into their first apartment and he couldn't help but noticed how long it had been. They were so innocent, so happy back then but now… the family was broken.

He caught his reflection in the mirror, he had aged. Wrinkles had formed around his face; they were wrinkles from age, stress and exhaustion. He paused, it was hard to believe that he was even the same person in the photograph and for a second he wished he could go back in time to relive the life they once had. But he never wished for anything, he knew that no matter how hard he wished that it was all in vain, they couldn't go back to the way they once were.

He finally made his way down the apartment building and threw his bag into the back seat of the car and slid in the car. He was partially happy that Castiel did not come with him, he knew that when he returned to the hunting life he could never go back. He could see that at least he was happy here, danger would not reach him here but at the same time he knew that this would be the last time he would see his brother again. He wanted to say goodbye but he knew that Castiel wanted to be left alone. He was heading towards his own death.

Castiel would lose another family member again.

He was worried about what that would do to Castiel, he always cared too much about the people he loved and seeing the how he deteriorated at Anna's and Gabriel's death. He hoped that Dean would be there for him as comfort.

"Are you leaving without saying goodbye?"

Balthazar smiled, Castiel was standing outside his car with an expression that Balthazar could not read.

"I couldn't find you. I guess this is good bye huh?"

Castiel took a deep breath and opened the door and slid inside, "No."

"What?"

"I'm coming with you."

"I thought…"

"You thought wrong. I'm not sending my brother on a suicide mission… just… drive before I change my mind."

Balthazar started his car and left the town, he noticed that Castiel was quiet, staring at the reflection in the mirror of the vanishing town. He was leaving his life behind and Balthazar did not take notice of the tear that fell from Castiel's eyes.

"Did you say goodbye?"

Castiel nodded and roughly brush away the tears in his eyes and the two brothers continued driving in silence but the silence and the musky, familiar smell of Balthazar's car numbed the pain and sadness he felt watching the town slowly vanish from his sight.

"You'll come back right? From your trip with your brother?" Dean asked and Castiel gave him a small smile returning Dean's hug. He almost couldn't bring himself to let go, he breathed in Dean's scent, trying to take in as much as he could and as soon as the two men pulled apart, Castiel could still feel Dean's warmth.

"Yeah. I'll see you soon Dean."

Castiel waved at Dean before walking away.

He was walking back to his old life but he wasn't sure if he could come back to be the Castiel that Dean knew.

He wasn't sure if he could come back to this town.

He had a feeling that he was digging his own, early grave.


A/N: Another upload! I'm in such a mood to write again which I'm so happy about. Thanks everyone for the lovely reviews : ) Especially LilyBot and LordPeanut who reviewed most of the chapters consistently so thank you guys so much!

Read and Review! Don't read and run! (please review guys, reviews are literally my motivation and plus they make me super happy.)

New chapter soon!

xx