Aftermath – Before the Funeral

Percy

None of them deserve this. He does, but none of the rest of them do.

Fred did not deserve it.

It should have been him who died. He was the one who fucked up, who abandoned his family, who practically broke his mother's heart by walking away. He was the one who was too bloody proud to say, "I'm sorry," and "I was wrong," and, "Please forgive me," until it was too bloody late.

It should have been him who died.

He deserved it. Fred didn't.

And, if he hadn't died himself, he should have saved Fred. He was there. Fred was his little brother, and he died in front of him, and he hadn't done a sodding thing to save him.

He should have saved him.

He knows his family think he's wrong (apart from Charlie – Charlie at least has it right). Arthur, although he is lost in his grief for Fred, has spent literally hours trying to convince him of the fact, to tell him that they don't blame him, that he is forgiven, that it is not his fault.

And Fred forgave him and welcomed him back. (Although he cannot really believe it, part of him is grateful. Dreadful as this is, it would be worse if Fred had not done so, if he had to face the rest of his life knowing that Fred died thinking him a traitor and a coward.) Fred would not want him to blame himself, or to think that he should have died instead. Fred – being Fred – would have made a joke about it, but would have made it perfectly bloody obvious that he thought Percy was a git for the way he is thinking.

Even George – who has barely been able to string two words together since it happened – has tried to get through to him and persuade him to forgive himself.

"It wasn't your fault, Perce. It was a War. People die in wars. They just do."

Percy looks at him blankly. He cannot believe he means it, and George gets angry.

"Fuck it, Percy! If Fred can forgive you, at least do him the honour of forgiving yourself. It wasn't your bloody fault! And you may have been a Ministry-loving power hungry moron, but that's over and you came back. It's over Perce! You didn't deserve to die any more than-any more than…" He collapses in tears then, and runs away to hide in his room again.

Percy cannot believe him.

He deserved to die. He should have saved Fred. He should have died himself.

He deserves to be hurting like this, but none of the rest of them do.

He deserves this.

The others don't.

George doesn't.

Fred didn't.

He cannot forgive himself.

He deserves this.