The following entry takes place between the episodes "Buried Secrets" and the upcoming episode "The Croaking". As always, all rights of TMNT go to their respective owners.
"April O'Neil: Journal of our Journey"
It's almost midnight now and I'm still awake. I can't sleep, none of us can. Not after what just happened. I've become completely paranoid.
For the past hour, all four turtles and Jones have come into my old bedroom to check on me. All asking the same set of questions:
"Can't sleep April?" "How are ya feeling?" "Do you need any company?"
I didn't answer any of their questions, I just had my knees up to my chin with my face buried within them, after realizing that I wasn't answering any questions, they chose to give me my privacy. I'm not ready to talk yet, maybe I'll be able to start tomorrow after this all sets in, but right now you're the only thing I feel like giving this information to Journal...
And believe me...I don't think you're going to believe what I'm about to write...
Raphael - I'm Sorry: Part 1
I usually don't start my entries about each of the turtles with Raphael, but I felt this time I needed to make an exception for two of them, because there are two of them that I need to say this to. And when I wake up in the morning, these two will be the first two I find to talk to to say this.
Raphael...I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not believing you when you told me my...mother wasn't really my mother. You ran out of the farmhouse, looking scared half to death, trying to tell me the truth and I didn't believe you...and for that I'm sorry Raph. I guess I was just believing what I wanted to believe. I hadn't seen my mother's face in eleven years, and it had felt like forever since I felt the embrace of her hand to mine. And for someone to say to your face that it's all a lie, yeah...it was hard to accept. It was also a wonderful sight to see all of us as a team working together, I usually don't get pinned with you as a team, sometimes I personally choose it that way, but it was great to see that we can make a great team. Makes it always gratifying to know that even when you may not like or understand my personal decesions, that when the chips are down, you're still there by my side. Thanks Raph.
I can keep writing I'm sorry to you over and over on here, but it won't mean anything until I tell you tomorrow morning.
And I will Raph...
I promise. :)
Michelangelo - I'm Sorry: Part 2
Speaking of turtles I need to apoligize to, that brings me to you Michelangelo. I could say "I'm sorry" to you forever more, and it may still never be enough to show how regretful I am. I don't know how you managed to figure it out, let alone to do so quickly...but you did, and I will never be able to forgive myself for my anger towards you.
For a brief moment, I literally hated you. I wondered how on earth someone as peaceful and loving as yourself could be so inhumane and cruel for what you did to my "mother". I didn't want your help, I didn't want to even see your face...I wished I would never see you again... my god, I'm sorry Mikey...
I'm sure you'll forgive me...heck knowing you Mikey you'll most likely just tell me something like "Ahh, it's no big deal April." But believe me Michelangelo, it is a big deal. I treated you like a piece of gum on the bottom of my boot, and in your own way, you are like a piece of gum.
You'll always stick by my side...through the best and worst.
Good grief Journal, I just made a gum pun. Anything to make me feel better I guess. :D
Leonardo - Thank You: Part 1
About an hour into staying hidden in my bedroom is when the gang started to check on me. Leonardo was the first, just like a true leader. But it was still a little too early after the events, so I wasn't really up to talking. Leo talked to me for about five minutes and then left me be once more. He said about what he told me downstairs in the Kraang's Ship...
"Never lose hope April. I'm sure your mother is out there somewhere."
It's funny to me that it's only been a day since I was writing to Donatello about not giving up and not losing hope, and now here I am needing to be reminded so shortly after. There's so much irony in the world.
Leo, when you reached your hand out to me to trust you, it was the first time in a long time when I could truly believe the words that were being spoken to me. And I'll make sure that I keep fighting for all you guys...I promise.
Strange, I feel like I just wrote about that to someone else. ;)
Casey - Thank You: Part 2
While it may seem wierd that my two best friends, Casey and Donatello, were the last two to check on me after such traumatic events, I think it just shows how well they know me now. I bet they knew I was in no mood to talk and they would know that I can be a very rude person when I get over disturbed. I don't know why I ever get upset to the magnitude I have in the past. Seriously, I have a temper so short it would make all city New Yorkers proud. Casey being a full born New Yorker has his moments too, so he of all people would know when to not do anything that could light that fuse in me.
Casey may be a loose cannon, but when the chips are down, he knows what to do, he always knows when to pull back on the reigns of that "Casey Jones" persona. That guy behind the mask...he's a pretty cool guy.
Thanks Casey. :)
Donatello - Thank You: Part 3
Then there's Donnie.
He was the last to come in, but was the longest to stay with me. Of course I'm not surprised he stayed longer than the others, but I was surprised that he didn't come right through the door as soon as I entered the house. I guess he allowed everyone to have their time with me before he came in. He didn't say much, but he kept his arm around my shoulder while sitting in the bed the entire time next to me.
Thanks Donnie...again.
I knew staying with me was your way of apologizing to me for the way you had to explain what that thing really was, I'm sure it hurt you having to say it almost as bad as me having to hear it. I know you've felt that way in the past also, so I guess you're used to it by now sadly.
I'll be interested in finding out exactly how much that creature really knew about my mother's memories, and I'm sure you'll find a way to discover them...you always do find a way don't you Donatello? ;)
April - Am I Alone?
It's now morning as of this journal log. We've all just ate breakfast together; yeah, together. Hard to believe right? Before we ate though, I kept my word and first thing I did as soon as I woke up was find Raphael and Michelangelo. I thanked them both seperately and apoligized to each for my lack of belief in them. Mikey said pretty much exactly what I said he would, only except he dropped the word "dudette" on me. First time I ever heard that word before. Chuckled a bit at it to be honest. Raph gave me the expected "No problem April." and kept his typical stone face to hide what he felt. He felt proud of himself, I could sense it.
Afterwards we all had a big breakfast of pancakes and scrambled eggs. It was great to see everyone together again, of course having to deal with Mikey eating like a wild man, along with Donnie and Casey passing me all my requested condiments trying to one up each other; it's just good to see all my friends as one big "family".
I appreciate what Michelangelo said last night about everyone around me being my family. And while they the closest thing to family I have left, unfortunetly it's still not the same. I've only known the turtles for not even two years, Casey even less than that. It's just not the same as the ones that were with you the day you spoke your first words, took your first steps, took you to your first day at school...I barely lived any of that with my mother. I thought I was so close to being able to finally live that again...I was wrong. My dad has been gone from me more than he's been with me the last two years, whether it was from abductions, mutations, etc. I miss them both so much...The Turtles and Casey are my new family, but I wish I had my family that helped me grow up and help me become the person I am today.
I miss you Mom...Dad...please come back to me... :(
Until next time, thanks for reading everyone! :)
