The following journal entry takes place in between the episodes "Race with The Demon" and "Eyes of The Chimera". This one is a bit different from the others for it is only set for Donatello, dealing with how he is coping with the aftermath of the "Speed Demon" episode. Warning: There is one naughty word in this chapter, don't use naughty words kids. They're bad, but you may understand why April uses it. As always, TMNT does not belong to me, and all rights go to their respective owners.
"April O'Neil: Journal of our Journey"
Hey journal, it's me...and...
...
You'll have to try and bare with me. I'm starting to swell with deep emotion right now, and I feel like I'm going to break down any second, so I'm going to try and get my feelings on paper before it's too late. I hope the other guys forgive me this time, but I need to talk about one person this time around; I'm sure they'll understand.
I need to talk about Donatello, my good friend...quite possibly my best friend on the planet. A person who I for certain owe my life to on a number of occasions. You may remember in my last entry that I talked about my friend in a very down way, that I feared we as a family were beginning to lose him...it's gotten worse. Much worse. I've spent the better part of an hour peering into the living room from the dining room table where I'm writing this. He's in the same spot he's been in since we returned home, sitting on the couch with the only light in the room coming from the cheery red glow of the fireplace behind him. It's just bright enough that I can see him, he's still not moved. He's remained hunched over staring at whatever debris is on the floor by his feet. It's nearly midnight now, everyone else has turned in for the night. The only ones still awake are Donnie and myself. You may be wondering what happened to him. Well, to be honest, I don't really know or understand what happened myself; I can only tell you based on what the others knew. Again, bare with me journal, I'll try to explain as best I can.
From what I was told by Casey, Donnie was controlled body, mind, and spirit by a mutant unlike anything we have ever encountered before, a mutant that Donnie and Casey worked together to try and stop. Our friend had lost all form of sanity until Casey managed to free him from this mutant's control and helped destroy it. And while at first Donnie looked to be happy that his friendship with Casey had risen to new heights...the trip back to the farmhouse was an awkward one at that. Donatello didn't say a word, as did no one else. Probably afraid to say the wrong thing, as I was or anyone for that matter. When we got back to the farm, Donnie quietly went inside and sat on the couch, and stayed there throughout the night, not wanting to talk or be bothered with. I don't understand what happened, he was so happy before.
Raphael actually explained it to me what the problem is, and I believe I understood what he was trying to explain. He asked me if I ever watched boxing before, which of course I hadn't. But told me that fighters deal with something called an adrenaline rush, which I did know about and heard of it's effects. Basically when your adrenaline is in full flow, you don't feel any pain, you just thrive to keep going to the limit, but once that adrenaline goes away, you realize how much pain your in. That works mentally as much, if not more than it effects you physically, perhaps once that adrenaline faded, Donnie just crashed...He looks awful. He sat on the couch, burying his face in his hands, and that's where he's stayed, that's where he still is. Everyone but me has tried to talk to him, nothing has changed. I'm afraid to even try at this point...I...I'm afraid we're losing him.
And...Damn. I can't lie, I'm crying now as I'm writing this. I just can't hold it in anymore. Writing this is much harder than I believed it would be. It just kills me seeing Donnie bordering on a state of depression. It's sad to me now, I never took depression seriously growing up, I never thought it was a big deal. I never treated it as something that could control your life...I was wrong. I now see my best friend going through this awful state, and it's terrible...and horrible...and I...I hate it! After everything he has done to help me through these past two years...he doesn't deserve this! Donnie is the kindest and sweetest soul I know, and all he gets for his caring for us is nothing but pain and suffering. And with each passing day, it just gets worse and worse.
Donnie still pits a majority of the blame of the Kraang Invasion on himself, even though we all know that isn't true. He blames himself for causing us to get separated from Leo back in the city and left him alone to be assaulted by The Shredder and his goons, even when Leo has constantly reminded him that he's also the reason we managed to escape the city in one piece. Donnie...he needs help.
Forgive me journal, I need to go now. Sorry I'm bailing so sudden, but I have to talk to him. Everyone else has. Leo did, Raph did, Casey did, even Mikey did, granted it had something to do with asking if Donnie wanted some of Mikey's Pepperoni, Peanut Butter, Pineapple Pizza...yuck! But the point is he still tried. Everyone tried. And I need to as well!
Forgive me, but Donnie needs talking to more than you do journal, hope you understand...
wish me luck...
