March 2011
Dear Emily,
Have you ever known exactly what you needed to say, but not been able to find the right words to get it out? Or… you have the words, but every time you open your mouth, only word vomit spills out? Shit that doesn't even make any sense? Yeah… that's sort of what's happening right now…
Alison huffed angrily and crumpled up the piece of paper, letting her head fall into her hands. Lately, she really needed to talk to Emily about things that she was feeling. They had been… doing stuff for months, but she just couldn't get her feelings out—at least not the ones that were deep down and personal.
It was quite inconvenient actually, because Alison knew that she needed to say something to Emily about how she was feeling. Emily needed to say those things, too. And why shouldn't Alison be the one to start the conversation?
Honestly, she sometimes wondered if she was feeling more than Emily when it came to all of this. She was, after all, the first one to initiate a kiss between them.
Thinking about it, though, she knew that Emily felt something for her. It was plainly obvious to her. She just needed to hear it. So that she could know for sure that this wasn't just something that was happening in the absence of having people to date…
After thinking that through, Alison vetoed her letter idea and instead went into her bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. "Emily, I think we need to talk about some stuff. I know that we have had things going on between us over the last few months… and I'm not saying that we need to define it, but… you know, I think we should talk about how each of us feels."
Alison huffed as she realized how much it sounded like a formal business proposal or something.
She would have to wing it, that much had become clear over the hours that she had spent trying to plan something. Emily was the person who made her feel so many weird and confusing things, so she knew that she would know what to say when it came time to say it. At least, she was pretty sure. And even if she did end up spilling out word vomit, she was almost positive that Emily wouldn't care at all.
And that's why she was sure that Emily was feeling these things back for her. She just needed to get around to saying them out loud.
March 2011
"What do you think life would be like if my mom was more like yours?" Emily mused, her fingers twisting through the thick, blond locks sprawled over her lap. Alison was across her bed, on her phone. Though, she couldn't do much on it, since she kept getting distracted by the feeling of Emily's fingers on her scalp and in her hair.
"Better," Alison stated surely, focusing her eyes on the internet search she'd made a few minutes ago. She hadn't even read the first result yet.
"Do you think we… wouldn't have to always be together like this in secret?" Emily asked, wholly aware of how quiet she was.
Alison felt herself tense for half a second at how hesitant Emily sounded. "Of course we wouldn't. We would be flaunting how great we are in front of everyone."
Emily took a shaky breath, dragging her fingers through a bit of Alison's hair and then pulling her hands out of the blond stuff. "I'm never going to get to be myself with her."
Alison gave up trying to do anything on her phone and tossed it across the bed as she sat up in front of Emily. "No, Emily. You will get to be yourself with her. And she'll learn to accept it, or she won't, and she'll lose you. Em, as soon as you're out of her reach, you should be who you are."
Emily avoided Alison eyes as she choked out, "She will hate me."
"No, she couldn't," Alison insisted, raising a hand to gently touch Emily's cheek. Emily finally forced her eyes to meet Alison's. "Nobody could ever hate you, Emily. You're sweet to everybody, even when they're not sweet to you. I wish I was half as nice as you."
The brunette quirked up an eyebrow. "Are you serious? Ali, you at least as nice as I am."
Alison smiled. "Maybe when I'm with you, but deep down, I'm a bitch." She crinkled her nose a bit as she smiled at Emily, who rolled her eyes playfully.
"You are not a bitch," Emily argued, shaking her head.
"Watch, one day you're going to see that I'm only nice because I have you, and you'll leave me," Alison joked. Emily let out a laugh at how unrealistic that sounded.
"Ali, that wouldn't ever happen, because you will always have me," Emily insisted.
Alison quirked her eyebrow a fraction of an inch as she smiled. "Oh damn, I guess I'm stuck being nice forever." She leaned forward and stole a small kiss from Emily. As she pulled away, Emily pushed forward, keeping her lips attached firmly to the blonde's. Their small kiss became a harder kiss, and then their lips molded themselves together perfectly, their tongues moving between them as well. Emily felt herself melt internally, and she knew that she would never give this girl up.
March 2011
"School sucks," Alison announced loudly as she barged into Emily's room, startling the other girl.
"What's up?" Emily asked, her voice laced with concern, like it always was when Alison seemed distressed. "Did something happen?"
Emily had gotten a fever had opted to stay home for the day—even if it meant she had to miss swim. Alison, however determined to stay with Emily, had been force to go to school. "If by something you mean that I had no one to eat lunch with, then yes. Seriously. School has never been so intimidating than today, when I was literally walking around looking for a place to sit before realizing that it was either eat lunch alone or hide."
"What did you do?" Emily asked softly, getting up from her desk and moving to her bed, before opening her arms to Alison.
"I hid," Alison admitted, shaking her head. "I didn't want to be that one awkward person eating lunch alone." Emily briefly wondered where exactly Alison had "hid", but she didn't question it. Alison hopped onto Emily's bed and immediately cuddled into her. Emily secured her arms around the blonde. "I have just decided that if you ever have to miss school again, I'm going to ditch, or hide in the natatorium all day. I never want to have to experience what happened today ever again."
Emily smiled into Alison's hair. "Sounds like a plan."
"Are you still sick?" Alison wondered, breathing in Emily's scent and feeling oh so comfortable. Nothing was more comfortable than laying wrapped up in Emily.
"I feel a lot better," Emily answered.
"So are you going to school tomorrow?" Alison questioned.
Nodding, Emily answered, "Yep. You won't be all alone for lunch."
"Good," Alison breathed out, feeling tiredness coming over her and trying to coax her into going asleep here in Emily's arms. She was pretty tempted to do so. "What do you think we should do all summer?" she asked, instead of giving into the sleep.
"You're already thinking about summer?" Emily asked. "It's March."
"Of course I'm already thinking about it," Alison stated, smiling slightly even though Emily couldn't see her face since she was curled into Emily. "I think I'm going to get my mom to take us to a beach somewhere. The lake is cool, but beaches are way better."
"As long as I can come," Emily said in a sing-song voice, as if there was any chance that Alison wouldn't invite her to come along.
Alison giggled and lowered her face, burying it into the top of Emily's shirt. Emily let out a shocked gasp as the blonde began placing little kisses along the top of Emily's breasts. She hadn't been wearing a bra, since she hadn't left her house, and was suddenly thanking herself for it.
When Alison brought her teeth down on Emily's skin, dragging them across some of it slowly, Emily felt her breath officially becoming ragged, and she tore away from Alison. It was only for a second, though, as Emily basically ripped off her shirt and brought her lips down to Alison's.
After a rough kiss, Alison pushed them up and over, so that she was straddling Emily, and she bypassed Emily's lips to go back for her chest. Placing kisses, dragging her tongue around, and finally closing her lips around one of Emily's nipples. She played with it using her tongue inside her mouth, and Emily let out a low moan. Alison loved hearing the sound, and it encouraged her to lightly bring her teeth down on the nipple. Emily hissed and moaned again, but before anything else could happen, they heard the noise of a car parking in Emily's driveway.
Alison immediately pulled up and off of Emily—the sound of Pam Fields' car had become the biggest sex-prevention of all. Emily grabbed for her shirt and carefully slipped it over her head, her breathing still uneven. "This sucks," Alison muttered, looking at Emily's now covered chest.
"I know."
March 2011
"Do you wanna come over after practice?" Emily asked, nudging the blonde. "My mom isn't home."
Alison flashed Emily a smile as they walked into the natatorium. "Of course I do!"
"Fields!" Fulton called, and Emily looked in her direction.
"I'll be right back, Ali," Emily said to the blonde, who just smiled and headed into the locker room. Emily went to where the coach was standing. "Yes, Coach?"
"There's been a slight change in tomorrow's line up," Fulton said slowly, her voice sounding slightly intimidating. Emily, though, was used to it. She raised her eyebrows slightly, wondering if someone had passed her as being second to last. But then, a smile appeared on the Coach's face. "I hope you're ready for your first time in the spot light. You will be anchoring for the Sharks tomorrow."
Emily's eyes widened. "Are you serious? Thank you, Coach!"
Fulton just gave a small smile. "Get in there and get changed, Fields. You had better be ready to swim tomorrow."
"I'm always ready to swim, coach," Emily exclaimed, her smile widening as she hurried into the locker room. Her locker was right next to Alison's, and so the blonde immediately noticed how excited Emily was.
"What did Fulton say?" Alison questioned, raising her eyebrows slightly.
"I'm anchoring tomorrow!" Emily exclaimed. Alison's eyes lit up.
"I told you that you would get the spot, Em!" Alison exclaimed, pulling her thick hair up into a bun—something that Emily had seen her do hundreds of times and still didn't understand. How could all of that gorgeous hair fit into a bun?
"I guess you were right," Emily commented, slipping off her shirt as she started to change. She didn't miss Alison's eyes dropping over her body as she leaned against the lockers, just watching Emily change. When Emily was completely changed into her swim suit, she said, "You're such a perv, Alison."
Alison just batted her eye lashes at the brunette, who smiled widely. "Come on."
After practice, Emily stuck in a few more laps while the other girls were getting dressed, and Alison just sat on the side of the pool with her feet in the water, waiting. Everyone else was gone by the time Emily climbed out of the pool and padded into the locker room, Alison in tow.
"Are you excited for tomorrow?" Alison asked as Emily slipped off her wet swim suit and began to dry off with a towel. Emily, grinning, nodded.
"I really didn't think I would get to anchor until at least next year," Emily admitted.
Alison just smiled. "I knew that you would get it this year. You're amazing, Em." Emily felt her cheeks heat up at the compliment, and she set her towel inside her locker. Alison's eyes raked over Emily's naked body shamelessly. "Also, beautiful."
Now, Emily's face was deep red. "Not as beautiful as you."
Alison batted her eyelashes at her, and then met Emily's lips with her own. Their kiss immediately began to heat up, and Alison pushed the naked girl against the lockers, her hands immediately scratching down her body. Emily felt her entire being awaken as Alison touched her, and she let out a quiet moan.
Soon, though, Emily had to push Alison off of her. "Ali, let me get dressed and we can finish this at my house."
Alison bit her bottom lip and nodded, pulling away and leaning her back against the lockers as Emily quickly got dressed. It was then that they rushed back to Emily's house, already later than they had planned since Emily had stayed after practice. Luckily, when they got back, Emily's mom was still not yet home.
Upon entering Emily's bedroom, they immediately tackled each other onto the bed and their lips met passionately. Emily's tongue was practically tied into Alison's as their make out session began to get extremely heated. Alison pushed up a bit, and then flipped them so that she was on top. Taking over the kiss, she let her hands roam down Emily's toned body. Simultaneously, Emily's hands gripped Alison's thighs tightly, eliciting a moan from the blonde.
Just as Alison's hands began to travel up under Emily's shirt, a door could be heard opening, and Alison pulled up off of Emily faster than ever before. Both girls had their eyes trained on Emily's door, where Pam Fields stood, her eyes wide and a look of horror covering her face.
"Mrs. Fields—" Alison started, her voice already shaky. She was cut off before she could continue.
"Alison, go home."
"Mom," Emily snapped, sounding as though she might break into tears already.
"Go home, Alison!" Pam demanded, her voice ten times louder now, and a look of anger on her face. Alison, frozen, found Emily's hand and grabbed it. She didn't want Emily to be alone right now, and Emily definitely didn't want to be alone. Sitting up completely, Emily opened her mouth to say something—anything—to her mother. "Alison Lauren DiLaurentis, go home right this second!"
Alison jumped at hearing Pam's voice so intimidating. Emily, feeling rage toward her mother, nudged Alison. "Go."
Alison didn't need to be told another time, but she felt incredibly guilty as she passed Pam and hurried out of the house. If she could get home fast enough, she could probably get her mom to come and help save Emily from whatever horrible punishment Pam would have. Alison could already think of one—those horrible "rehab facilities" for gay people.
Halfway home, though, Alison was already in tears. She didn't know what was going to happen, but she felt horrible for leaving Emily alone. She had no idea what was going to happen now.
"Mom… please don't freak out… I can explain," Emily started as she heard the front door close.
"You can explain?" Pam Fields snapped angrily. "You cannot justify this, Emily Fields. That girl has corrupted you and dirtied your mind. You will not see her again."
Emily's eyes widened, and then rage overcame her. "She didn't do anything to me! I like girls, mom! That's who I am! It's not something that Alison spread to me like a disease!"
"I raised you right, Emily! You could never be that sort of abomination," Pam spat. "I know who you are, and that is not who you are!"
"You are a coward, mom!" Emily exclaimed. "You are a coward who isn't strong enough to even admit that for a second, I'm not the perfect little girl that you always forced yourself to see me as!"
Her mother was clearly very angry by now. "Emily Fields don't you dare talk to me like that! You have been corrupted in more ways than one by that little bitch! I refuse to let her corrupt you even more!"
"No matter what you do, mom, I will still be gay and will still like girls!" Emily yelled, tears falling from her eyes by now. "And I will still be in love with Alison!"
It was the first time that she'd said it aloud, and it wasn't even to Alison. Her mom's eyes widened by a tenfold, and she opened her mouth to say some other horrible thing. Emily, though, bolted past her mother and out of her room. She silently thanked herself for pushing herself in the pool lately, because she managed to get outside, on her bike, and down the road before her mom could catch up.
Emily wasn't exactly sure why her mom didn't chase her in the car. All she knew was that she was biking to Alison's house as fast as she could, her heart racing. It could have been hours, or mere seconds, that it took Emily to get to her destination. She wasn't sure.
She didn't even knock on the DiLaurentis door—she just barged into the house. Alison, who was sitting nervously on her couch, immediately jumped up. "Emily…" her voice trailed off as her mother rushed into the house.
"Emily, are you okay?" Jessica demanded.
Alison gave Emily a look that told her that she had told her mother everything. Emily just looked between the two and then broke down in tears. Alison immediately approaching her and grabbed her in a soft hug. "It'll be okay, Em," Alison whispered, though her voice was shaking.
"N-no. She think that y-you d-did it," Emily sobbed.
Alison's heart was racing, and she had never felt more terrified in her entire life. She carefully led Emily to the couch, sitting them both down. Emily immediately just curled into the blonde, still crying. "Should I make tea?" Jessica asked softly. She got a shake of Alison's head in response, and she just nodded. Yes, it had been quite strange to have her daughter rush into the house in a fret, and then to hear that she had been in a relationship with her best friend for months. Jessica hadn't been too surprised, of course, considering how close the two girls always were. Still, the shock of the entire situation at the moment had been quite overwhelming.
"Ali…" Emily wanted to say something, anything, as her tears died down, but she couldn't get any other words out.
"You don't need to say anything, Em," Alison cooed, stroking the brunette's hair. "Everything is going to be okay."
Emily shook her head, because no, it wasn't going to be okay.
It wasn't more than twenty minutes later that the front door of the DiLaurentis house busted open. Pam Fields stood there fuming, her eyes on her daughter wrapped in Alison's arms. Emily's eyes widened at seeing her mom, and she jumped up off of the couch. Alison stood as well, clinging to her best friend.
"Emily Fields, you get out of this house right this second," Pam growled.
"Pam, are you sure you want to do this?" Jessica DiLaurentis stepped in, holding her hands up as if asking Pam not to attack her or some shit like that.
"I'm taking my daughter away from this screwed up family! Your daughter is sick, Jessica!" Pam snapped. Jessica's eyebrows shot up, and Alison's eyes widened. Emily clung to the blonde even more.
"Do not talk about my daughter that way you bigoted bastard!" Jessica snapped. Pam didn't say anything in response as she stepped around Jessica and grabbed her daughter's wrist.
"Ali!" Emily squealed as her mom pulled her away from the blonde. It occurred to her suddenly that she hadn't said what she had meant to say the minute she'd bust into the house.
"Emily!" Alison shouted as she pushed past her mom and followed Pam and Emily out the front door. "What the hell are they doing? Emily!" Alison cried. She tore her arm from Jessica DiLaurentis' grasp. This wasn't okay, and she needed to do something about it. Something, anything… she couldn't stand to watch her Emily be torn away from her. When Pam Fields had caught her and Emily together, and had so unceremoniously sent Alison home, she had no idea what was going to happen, and when Emily came on her bike… Alison now found herself terrified. All she could think about was losing the one constant in her life—the one person she'd known would always be there for her. The feelings she had developed for her best friend earlier that school year had increased by a tenfold and now they were making her heart hurt even worse in this moment.
"Stop! Ali, I—" Emily's voice cut off as she called for Alison. Pam Fields dragged Emily into the car, despite Emily's struggling. There had never been a moment that Emily had truly hated her mother until right now. After Emily had taken off from her own house less than an hour ago, how could Pam think that this was going to help in any way? Couldn't she at least listen to what Emily had to say first? Emily mentally cursed herself for not having done something about this earlier—though she wasn't exactly sure what she would have done if she'd had the option to say anything at all. Her mother would think the same way about all of this whether she had told her sooner or not.
"Alison, dear, calm down please…" Jessica DiLaurentis pleaded to her daughter. The woman did not at all agree with what Pam Fields was doing to deal with this newfound situation. Jessica herself had no problem with anything going on, as long as her daughter was healthy and safe. And frankly, she had no problem with Alison and Emily being themselves. Jessica would never judge anyone for being who they were, especially if they had no control over who they were—which no one really ever did.
"Calm down? Are you serious? Emily!" Alison felt tears burning in her eyes. How could her mother expect her to calm down right now? If the suitcases tied hastily on top of Pam Fields' car were any indication, this wasn't going anywhere good. Alison stared hard at it for a moment, noting that Emily's uncle visiting—who lived somewhere near where Wayne Fields was stationed—was driving. Was that what was happening, were they going to Texas? Alison didn't think she could go through that… and to think, just earlier they had been in their own perfect little word, kissing each other as though there was nothing that could stop them. Just earlier, before they had been so rudely interrupted by the only person who could truly put an end to their… thing they had going on—the person who was now dragging Emily away from Alison.
"Alison!" Emily wailed. She didn't understand how her mom could be doing this to her, and she wasn't even sure what this was. Yes, she saw the car once she came outside at first, but why were all of their suitcases strapped to the top? It finally dawned on her, though… they were taking a trip… and maybe a longer one than Emily would care for. Emily could hear her mother cursing under her breath at Alison as she got into the passenger seat of the car. How could her mom be blaming Alison, though, for who Emily was? It was likely that she was too cowardly to admit that her daughter could be for a second different than most girls, and she had to blame someone else for the discrepancies.
"Alison, please, come inside. I'll make you tea," Jessica suggested, willing Alison to come with her. She was trying desperately to keep Alison from running frantically toward the other teenager. If it hurt to watch Alison go through this, she imagined it must be a lot worse for the younger blonde. When her daughter had come home distressed, following by a frantic Emily, Jessica had not been sure what to expect. Now, though, it seemed to all be fitting into place—she could make a pretty good guess as to what had happened to drive Pam Fields to this point.
"No! They can't do this!" Alison screamed. When had her mom reclaimed her grasp on Alison's wrist? Alison needed to do something, or she would lose Emily, she just knew it. She couldn't lose Emily. Emily was all that she really had going for her. In fact, she had been literally about to say that to Emily when a certain Pam Fields had unceremoniously walked in on Emily and Alison in a slightly compromising position. Alison realized that the same thoughts were rotating through her mind in a constant loop, and she wasn't sure if she would be able to stop that loop unless she got Emily back before she was torn away forever.
"You can't stop them, I can't stop them. Come inside." It pained Jessica to say this to her daughter. Unfortunately, it was true, there was nothing they could do to stop Pam and Wayne Fields once they made their mind up about something. If there was, she would go through with it in a heartbeat. She loved Emily like a daughter, but there wasn't anything she could do. Not a thing that she could do besides to hold her daughter in place and keep her from making things worse for Emily.
"Emily!" Tears rolled freely down her cheeks. Alison could hardly stand to watch as Pam Fields dragged her daughter into her car, but she wouldn't tear her gaze from Emily. She couldn't. She had too many things that she still needed to say to her. Alison tried to promise herself that one day, she would be able to say everything. She just wanted to feel Emily's lips on hers, and to list all of the feelings that Emily ignited when they kissed. She knew that the chances were so slim… but she knew that she wouldn't be able to survive if she never got to see Emily again.
"Alison!" Emily tried to convey her emotions into the name, hoping that Alison might understand what she was trying to say. She had so many things to say to Alison before they were torn apart forever. So many things that she may well never get to say. In this moment, Emily could think of dozens of things that she wished she could say. The first one that came to her mind was "I'll miss you"… but she knew that there were more. One stood out beyond all of the others, a handful of words that Emily had been waiting to say… a handful of words she may now never say. The last thing she could do as the car began to drive down the street was stare back at the blonde and say the three words over and over again in her head. I love you. I love you. I love you.
