Chapter 3 whoooooo! What is this disaster? No seriously, I feel so weird posting a parody/crack fic. I hope there is some amusement in this?

The Batter's confidence wasn't entirely misplaced. Despite being poisoned he was handling himself fairly well. He learned a skill that allowed him to recover some of his Health, and found a strange Add-On that helped him in combat. Between that, and Palamilla using healing items on him when his health drooped, The Batter stayed in fighting shape. They made their way deeper into Zone 1, now looking for a man named Dedan, the leader. If The Batter could defeat Dedan, the Zone would be purified.

'He's close by, be careful Batter.'

Outside a large building, Palamilla and The Batter finally found a box that could refresh The Batter. His poisoning cured, he flexed and flashed Palamilla a cocky smile.

"Nothing can stop me now."

The Add-On, Alpha, was chatty. It constantly talked to Palamilla in a language not unlike the one she spoke as a Puppeteer. Alpha spoke of The Batter in high praise, even though it had just met him. It adored The Batter like a puppy loving its' master. It also was enthralled by Palamilla, preferring to listen to her instead of The Batter in combat. She guided it alongside The Batter, having it cover where he was too preoccupied to notice. If The Batter noticed he was not in control of Alpha, he neglected to say anything. The Alpha would speak to The Batter at times, and he seemed to be able to hear the enthralled Add-On, but he was unable to understand its' babble.

Stepping into the large building, Palamilla visibly shuddered.

'This place feels wrong Batter.' She murmured.

The Batter noticed Palamilla shudder and looked at her in concern.

"I am going to purify this place, there is no reason to be nervous."

Palamilla lowered her eyes. As a Puppeteer she knew that Dedan was powerful, maybe even too powerful for The Batter. It was her duty to ensure The Batter was prepared for any challenge before him, but what could she do if The Batter wasn't ready? He gave Palamilla no chance to dwell further, heading deeper into the building. Palamilla offered little guidance, letting The Batter go in circles hoping it would level him up as he fought the Spectres. Eventually however, The Batter caught onto this scheme and stopped.

"Do not lead me in circles Palamilla."

Feeling guilty, Palamilla looked at the ground and frowned. The Batter was upset, and she had no way to let him know she was simply worried for his safety.

"It is important we reach Dedan as soon as possible."

Palamilla sighed and stared at The Batter. He gazed back, their eyes locking. His gaze was hard and unflinching. Palamilla could tell he wasn't angry with her, just upset by the fact that he was being slowed down in his mission. Palamilla walked closer to The Batter. He took a small step back, conscious of the 'personal space' rule. Palamilla reached out for him and hesitated. It was unheard of for a Puppeteer to touch the being they guide. No telling what would happen if the two made any sort of physical contact. The Batter seemed equally wary, a look of deep concern crossing his face.

"Palamilla, what are you doing?"

She nibbled her lip nervously. It was more than the fear of what would happen if they touch that made her hesitate, it was fear of what she would do after. Each Puppeteer was assigned to a charge they would connect with, Palamilla was no exception. But what she thought was at first just the need to protect The Batter, quickly turned into a crush followed by a full-blown infatuation. The Batter was obviously to involved with his mission of purification to care about such things, but as a Puppeteer, Palamilla spent her entire existence fawning over other beings. It was only natural that eventually she would develop feelings for some of them.

'Batter...'

Palamilla placed a heavy hand on The Batter's shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze before quickly pulling away and crossing her arms defensively. She turned her head to avoid The Batter's deep and questioning gaze. He moved so that Palamilla was forced to look at him. He struggled to make an expression other than his typical, cocky smirk.

"Alright... You're worried. I'll... I'll level up some."

Palamilla smiled and nodded her head.

'Thank you.'

The Batter turned around, heading out of the building instead of deeper in. They walked outside and stopped by the red box so The Batter could recover and save progress. After a little bit of level grinding, Palamilla started leading The Batter deeper into Dedan's lair. His confident strut was reassuring now that Palamilla saw how high his level had gotten. Certainly Dedan would be no trouble.

'I'll be right beside you Batter.' Palamilla told him sweetly.

She felt a faint pang of sadness that he couldn't hear her words, but brushed it off as they stepped into Dedan's office. The man was a towering giant, and built like a bear. He and The Batter exchanged words, and the fight began. Dedan seemed to pay Palamilla no attention as he fought The Batter, until he noticed Palamilla reading over the menu book and using healing items on him.

"SO YOU HAVE A LITTLE BUG HELPING YOU? THEN I WILL SQUISH HER LIKE ONE!"

Palamilla was intimidated by Dedan, but she knew he wouldn't be able to actually hurt her. At least, she thought. Dedan launched a powerful attack her way that sent her flying back and caused her to slam into a wall.

"Palamilla!"

The Batter was at her side in an instant. The impact certainly hurt, but she recovered quickly and pushed The Batter back to Dedan.

'Fight, win!' She cried.

"I'll teach you to hurt a woman!" The Batter cried.

He came at Dedan with renewed vigor, swinging his bat in a wide arc and striking the man repeatedly in the head. Dedan seemed unphased by this, and gripped The Batter's bat.

"YOU HAVE MADE A MISTAKE BATTER." He roared.

With a mighty crack, Dedan shattered The Batter's weapon and gripped him by his throat.

"NOW YOU WILL BE DESTROYED!"

Palamilla watched in horror as Dedan crushed the life out of The Batter. Even without looking at the menu book, she knew that The Batter had very few hit points left. She felt tears forming in her eyes as she rushed towards Dedan and began pounding on him with her small fists.

'Let him go you monster!' She cried.

Dedan laughed.

"Look at this, Batter! Your Puppeteer thinks she can save you! YOU ARE A GHOST IN THIS WORLD. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SAVE HIM!"

Dedan swatted Palamilla away with a single hand and laughed. The Batter growled in anger and clawed at the meaty hand around his throat. Palamilla struck the ground with a loud crack and laid there. Suddenly, Alpha zipped into the fight and hit Dedan right in the face. It was enough of a distraction The Batter was able to get away and pick up the fragments of his broken bat. Dedan tried to grab Alpha, but the Add-On was too fast and evaded the monster's grip. With deadly precision, The Batter lept forward with his broken bat and sank it into Dedan's chest. His breath caught in his throat and the massive man fell to the ground. With a single, pitiful gurgle, Dedan expired before The Batter.

"You have been purified."