The next morning, the eagles deposited them far away, on a large forbidding rock that Gandalf, quite peculiarly, called the Carrock. Flying on the back of an eagle is not so very much better than flying in the talons of an eagle, and not a single dwarf could claim steady legs when they were returned to solid ground, and certainly Bilbo felt he would prefer it if his feet never left the ground again except so far as they must for walking.
And though they were far away from the goblins and the wargs, they had no supplies and they were all dirty and scraped and Bombur had taken to moaning piteously of hunger again, which did not put the rest of the company in a very good mood. Their ill-humor was only made worse when Gandalf announced his intention to depart from them as soon as he had seen them to some sort of safety — at the very least a place where they could eat and replenish all the supplies which they had lost in the goblin caves under the Misty Mountains. Nothing they could say would change his mind, for he had business to attend to elsewhere in Middle Earth, and grew quite irritable with them when they suggested their quest was more important.
"Dwarves," he grumbled. "An ungrateful lot as there ever was! You well know I had never intended see you farther than over the mountains, and that I have now done. Continue to pester me, and I shall begin to regret that I did not leave you to the mercy of the goblins!" This was most certainly not true, but it did make the company hang their heads with shame and fall quiet.
Bilbo was still quite fretful at this news, for he had only ever agreed to come on this quest in the first place because Gandalf had convinced him to do so. In all their time on the road no one had bothered to let him know that Gandalf was planning to leave them halfway through, so he felt now a little bit as if he had been swindled. But he would not say so to Gandalf, nor to any of the dwarves, but kept his peace on the matter. In any event, his thoughts soon turned to his poor stomach, for breakfast in the eyrie had been nothing more than the scraps of what remained after dinner, which had been little enough, and in any event, even two full meals would not have begun to make up for all the very many meals he had missed since they first set out.
As they climbed down the great stone steps cut into the Carrock, Bilbo took an inventory of the number of meals he was short since leaving Bag-End, and the number of poor nights' sleep — including in those the nights he had been too afraid to sleep at all — and the number of times he had feared for life. It was a poor accounting indeed, and Bilbo bitterly regretted ever leaving the safety and warmth of his home, and blamed his Took side for all his misfortune, for surely no sensible Baggins would ever have undertaken such a mad adventure.
The dwarves trudged along with him, Thorin at the front, Kili at the back, and all the other dwarves in between, and they looked no happier with their thoughts than Bilbo was with his. Bilbo wondered then what it was that they were regretting having left behind, for nothing they had said since he met them led him to believe they had homes as cozy and comfortable as Bag-End, even if what was cozy and comfortable to a dwarf was not that same as it was to a hobbit. Then he wondered — there was quite a lot of time for wondering, as no one felt in the least bit like talking — what had made them all venture on this quest in the first place.
Why Thorin had come, he knew, and he supposed reclaiming one's throne might be reason enough even for a sensible hobbit, and Kili of course must go if Thorin did, for Thorin could not abdicate his responsibility as shemor; perhaps even Fili had no choice, since he was Thorin's nephew and a prince in his own right. But the reasoning of the others, he didn't know, and he felt he would be sorely disappointed if it was only to reclaim the gold and jewels they had lost when the dragon came.
"You look quite thoughtful, Mr. Baggins," came Balin's voice at his ear.
Bilbo startled, for he had been so lost in thought he had not heard the older dwarf approaching. "Oh!" he said, quite flustered. "Yes, I was, I suppose."
"Perhaps that is fortunate," Balin said, somewhat amused. "Today's journey is none too pleasant. Were I a younger dwarf I could skip down these steps with ease, but as it is, my poor old knees are protesting each one."
Bilbo smiled just a bit. "I think your poor old knees are doing as well as can be expected, Mr. Balin. Even Fili and Kili are far from skipping." This was truth, for the lads in question were plodding along as wearily as the rest, though it also could not be denied that they were doing so with far less moaning and groaning.
"Ah, well," Balin said, "I think like as not they are humoring the rest of us. What, to youths such as them, is a night spent on the ground with no bedroll to soften the stone?"
Bilbo sighed. His own back was very much aching, and he was certainly not enjoying the huge stone steps that led down the Carrock any more than Balin. "This is, I will admit, the path my thoughts were treading," he said heavily."What I would not give for a few nights in one of the beds at Bag-End! Even the bed in the second guest room would do." He sighed. "I find I am missing my home rather dreadfully."
"It is a fine home, and you are quite right to miss it," said Balin. "I miss my own home, though it is rather smaller and much less grand than yours."
"Do you hail from the Blue Mountains as well?" Bilbo asked as they trudged along.
"Of late," Balin nodded. "We settled in Ered Luin when Thorin did, many years ago now. Family, you know," he said."It is better to stay together."
"Oh," Bilbo said, surprised that he had not known such a thing as this, after all these months together. "You are kin to Thorin?"
"Aye. Cousins, though distant now. We are closer kin to Oín and Gloín. And also distant kin to the Ris."
Bilbo found this quite interesting, as he had a poorly hidden though rarely indulged interest in genealogy, and had single-handedly penned his own family tree back five generations."I had wondered," he confessed, "what brought you all on a journey such as this. But it makes sense, if you are all family."
"Not quite. We are no relation to the Urs, though I suppose if you look back far enough, you are bound to find a common ancestor."
Bilbo frowned. "But the Urs are the least likely — that is to say, I would have thought they would not —" He trailed off quickly and uncomfortably, unable to think of a single way to speak his thoughts without being unforgivably insulting.
Balin raised an eyebrow. "You mean, why would dwarves so superstitious as they undertake a journey accompanied by a khazd khuv?"
"Well," Bilbo said, "I would not have put it quite like that."
Chuckling, Balin said, "No, you are far too dwarves speak more plainly, though we are often quicker to take offense, which is something of a poor combination." He smiled genially at Bilbo, who could not help but smile back. "As to why the Urs came along, I suppose you would have to ask them, but it is Bifur who makes the decisions for those three, and he is not one to be ruled by fear. In truth, I think he was simply in need of an excuse to swing his axe around, and this seemed a good opportunity. And make no mistake: my brother is every bit as superstitious as Bofur and no more comfortable around Kili, but he is here nonetheless."
Bilbo had of course noticed Dwalin's unease around Kili, but he was still startled to hear it spoken of so plainly. "And how is it then that you are so much more sensible?"
Balin sighed. "I fear I am not quite so sensible as you would wish, Mr. Baggins. Perhaps I am simply more discreet."
"No," Bilbo said. "I cannot credit that. You cannot believe this all this nonsense about bad luck."
Balin's mouth tightened, and Bilbo thought he had rather overstepped in the heat of the moment. But all Balin said was, "I wish I could tell you that dwarves were all as levelheaded as hobbits. But wishing for a thing does not make it so."
This was certainly true, and even Bilbo in his happy home in the Shire knew it. "What of Thorin?" he asked. "Does he believe it too?"
Balin was quiet and contemplative for a few moments. Then he spoke very slowly, as if the words themselves were shaping his very thoughts. "Thorin is bound by our traditions and customs more than any other dwarf. He does not have the freedom to disregard rules he does not like."
Bilbo would once have thought a king had precisely that freedom, but he had come to realize that the very opposite was true.
"But I would not presume to speak his mind for him," Balin continued. "The question of what he believes is one that only he can answer."
If that was true, then Bilbo imagined he would never know the truth, for he was not about to ask the question of Thorin! They spoke little after that, for Balin fell deep into his own thoughts, and Bilbo was loathe to intrude upon his solemn mood. Then, finally, they reached the bottom of the great staircase, and their walk grew much easier.
The company grew more cheerful then, though they were still hungry and tired. Fili and Bofur even struck up a light song, which soon had them all humming along. After several more hours of walking, Gandalf told them that they had reached the edge of the land belonging to a skinchanger named Beorn, who was sometimes a great big man and sometimes a great big bear. This was quite astounding, and Bilbo was very eager to meet this marvelous creature, though his excitement dimmed somewhat when Gandalf warned them that their reception was very likely to lukewarm, for Beorn had no love of guests and less love of dwarves.
Well, it took a bit of trickery on Gandalf's part to get them all safely to Beorn's house, but Gandalf was a very great wizard and a large part of wizardry is trickery, after all. So in the end, they were all gathered in Beorn's great hall, with themselves on one side of the locked doors, and all the scary things in the world on the other side, except for Beorn, who was quite scary himself, but grudgingly admired that they had rid the world of the Goblin King.
All was well until it came time for supper, for just as in Rivendell there was the problem of where Kili should sit, as there was only one rather large table. Bilbo thought perhaps the table was quite big enough that Kili could sit at one end, a respectable distance away from the others, but it seemed there were many more rules about khazd khuv than he knew; what was permissible out on the road around a fire was quite impermissible at a proper table in a proper house, and though the dwarves hemmed and hawed and shuffled their feet in a rather embarrassed manner, Bilbo gathered that by all rights, Kili ought to eat his meal out in the barn.
This at least explained why Kili had never entered Bag-End on that oh-so-long-ago night, but stayed outside with the ponies the whole time, who had in truth been perfectly safe tied up as they were to Bilbo's fence, and had needed no minding. But as soon as Thorin suggested Kili eat in the barn — a suggestion to which Kili himself quickly agreed — Beorn's brows drew together in a fierce frown. A bear he might be, but he was no lumbering fool, and he knew more of the world than any of them, except perhaps save Gandalf. It became quickly apparent that Beorn was no more tolerant of dwarvish custom than the elves — in fact, he was rather less tolerant, and would have none of it.
"Not in my house!" he roared, and he was so very angry Bilbo thought for certain he would toss them all out then and there. Nothing Thorin could say would appease him, and nothing Kili could say either, though he tried to explain that he was not in the least dissatisfied with the arrangement and in fact preferred it. Gandalf did not even bother trying to explain or intervene, but sat in a large and comfortable chair smoking his pipe, watching the fuss from under his heavy eyebrows and saying not a single word.
"I have but one room in this house for taking meals," Beorn growled, sounding very much like a bear indeed. "And I shall lay it out for supper for myself and the lad and anyone who will eat with us. Those who will not join us can take their meal in the barn themselves." For he would not leave them to starve, even if he was so thunderously angry with them, but certainly they had lost no small amount of the sympathy they had gained with him for slaying the Goblin King and many of his goblin kin.
Well, Bilbo was no dwarf, and he had no intention of eating in the smelly barn when the fire was so warm inside, and he said he would be very happy indeed to eat at the table with Kili. Beorn made a funny face at him; Bilbo supposed it was the sort of face someone might make if he was trying to smile after having forgotten how to. And Gandalf roused himself to say that he too would be happy to share a table with Kili, as he wished to speak with him about the elves in Rivendell, and Beorn should talk to him about archery, for it happened that Beorn himself was an accomplished archer, though he rarely had need for a weapon other than his own great claws and teeth.
Some of the other dwarves looked longingly at the table, already piled high with breads and cheeses and eggs and honey, but Thorin was stubborn and rigid and would not yield — though to his credit he did not look very happy about it at all; it seemed to Bilbo not for the first time that Thorin was wishing the laws that bound him were not quite so strict. Of course if Thorin would not yield, neither could Fili, and nor could Balin and Dwalin, who were ever reluctant to disagree with him in front of any other dwarf.
Thorin marched toward the door with his back tight and straight, and the other dwarves sadly began to follow, but then Ori stopped in his tracks and said, rather loudly, "Bother it! I have had enough of eating in cold, smelly, uncomfortable places. I think I shall stay inside after all, if it is quite all right with you, Master Kili?"
Kili, who had up to this point been looking very hunched and beleaguered and miserable, looked at Ori in astonishment, and did not answer until it became clear that Ori expected him to. Kili flicked his eyes quickly to Thorin, but Thorin did not speak, nor even turn around from where he stood. It was unclear to Bilbo whether this was any sort of answer at all, but then Kili said in a weird sort of whisper, "If that is what you wish," which was more than he usually said to any of the other dwarves except Thorin and Fili. Ori smiled widely at him and hopped up on a chair at the table and began serving himself some cheese.
And at this, Dori and Nori came bustling immediately over and said that they would certainly prefer the inside to the outside, if Kili was amenable, and they stood waiting politely until Kili nodded nervously at both of them, blinking rather wildly. Then they sat down, one on either side of Ori, which put Nori directly next to Kili, but Nori seemed unconcerned and even asked Kili to pass the clotted cream for his tea.
This was a fine how-do-you-do in Bilbo's opinion, and he wondered for a moment if any of the other dwarves should find their courage as did Ori and his brothers, but it was not to be on that night, though Bombur looked especially gloomy as he trudged out the door, and would not stop glancing behind at the well-stocked table, and Fili was scowling dreadfully at Thorin's back.
The next few moments were tense and awkward, and Kili in particular looked most unhappy with the arrangements, but the brothers Ri were quite determinedly merry. They began to eat with abandon and to hold a very loud argument over the merits of sweet butter over warm honey on bread, and would not stop until they had dragged everyone into their debate, even Gandalf and Beorn, who was quite firmly on the side of honey and would not be swayed.
During that dinner Kili would not speak more than one short, simple word at a time, but even so Bilbo was very much cheered by his entering the conversation at all — he admitted when pressed to preferring butter to honey — and Gandalf was positively giddy and would not stop beaming at Ori the whole night, as if he had done some very special wizardry of his own.
After they had all eaten as much food as they could possibly eat, which was in truth quite a lot, Beorn drew Kili aside. It seemed he had no extra swords at hand, but he did have quite a large collection of bows, and he proposed to give the company several along with as many arrows as he could spare, but as he did not know what kind of bow a dwarf might prefer, he was hoping perhaps that Kili could counsel him.
Away from the other dwarves, Kili was less anxious and more talkative, and if his conversation with Beorn could not be called lively, it at least was held up equally poorly on both ends. When they had settled on several bows, Kili rejecting some that seemed perfectly serviceable to Bilbo, and exclaiming over others that to Bilbo's eyes seemed identical to the rest, Beorn bid them goodnight, warning them sternly to stay inside the house behind the locked doors until morning, and told them that he was going to tell the same to the dwarves in the barn.
The brothers Ri were all by this point quite soundly asleep in a huddle, Dori's ferocious snores seeming to bother his brothers not one bit. Gandalf was settled into his chair, smoking again, though he blew no rings at all; the smoke did not seem of a mind to dissipate, and gathered in a cloud around his head growing steadily denser until only the tip of his hat and the tip of his nose could be seen.
Kili stood in the middle of the room, holding two of the blankets Beorn had left them as well as a big fluffy pillow; he was turning about in a circle, frowning, and Bilbo wondered if there were rules that dictated where he was to sleep, too. He suspected there were, for Kili had always laid his bedroll a certain number of paces away from the others, but in all honestly Bilbo had envied him his excuse for being slightly farther removed from the honks, snorts, and grunts that filled the air when the company slept!
Finally Kili dropped the blankets on the floor a very comfortable distance from the fire and the pile of Ri brothers, but he did not lie down immediately for sleep. Instead he took off his outer clothing, the elvish material still impeccable even after their rough flight from the goblins and through the woods, and sat down facing the fire, clad only in a fine linen shirt and breeches, staring intently at the licking flames as if hoping to divine some wisdom from them.
Bilbo was unable to draw any conversation from him at all except a half-hearted "rest well," and decided not to press the matter, for Kili appeared to be deep in thought and not at all inclined to speak to anyone, even a curious and friendly hobbit. His brow was furrowed and thoughtful, but he looked not so sad as he had the previous evening in the eagles' eyrie, and this Bilbo took to be a big improvement. Bilbo went back to the blankets then and selected two for himself, though they were so large he had to carry them but one at a time, and make a third trip for his pillow.
"An interesting evening, wouldn't you agree?" he heard when at last his bed was made.
He started, for the voice seemed to come from nowhere, but then he realized that indeed it had emerged from the cloud of smoke that was the head of Gandalf. "Good heavens," he said crossly, "do not scare me so. I cannot see you at all in that mess. You might as well have had your head chopped off by the goblins." This was perhaps a little more snappish than Gandalf deserved, but Bilbo was still upset at the wizard's impending departure, and it could also not be denied that the last few days had been very stressful and difficult for them all, and tempers were uniformly short.
The cloud of smoke chuckled, and then Bilbo heard a short burst of muttering. The smoke then obediently parted around Gandalf's face and made straight for the chimney, where it escaped quickly to the outside air. "Better?" Gandalf asked.
"Yes, much," Bilbo said, rather amazed that Gandalf's face and hat looked no dirtier at all, after having been submerged in the smoke for such a while. He looked then to the fire, where Kili sat still as stone, and said quietly, "It was an interesting evening for me. I think Kili may only have found it difficult."
"Difficult, indeed," Gandalf said. "To be confronted yet again with proof that the way he knows the world to be is not the same as others' understanding of it."
"You are unduly cheerful about it," Bilbo said. "For I begin to think that it is no mercy to him to be thus enlightened, if there is no hope that his circumstances will change."
"You surprise me, Mr. Baggins. For cannot you see that they have already begun to change?"
"I see that Thorin and Fili have taken their dinner in the barn, rather than break with their customs and share a table with a khazd khuv. I suspect it matters far less what Ori and his kin do."
"Oh," Gandalf said comfortably, "but there you and I must disagree, for I think it matters tremendously what Ori and his brothers do. Do not be so quick to dismiss their influence. They are of Durin's line, and as steeped in tradition as Thorin himself. And if they can change, Mr. Baggins, then there is certainly hope for the rest."
A/N: This chapter fought me to the bitter end, and so it's a little later than I would have liked. On the other hand, it's longer, so I hope you will all forgive me.
Smooches to everyone who commented on the last chapter - I am now pondering rewrites to future chapters to work in some details about the tree incident (I know exactly what happened there; my guess is you will all find out during the trek through Mirkwood). :)
xoxox to all who are still reading. You rock!
