Sam's fingers curled around the lighter, his gaze never leaving Jess. He knew he had to do this, destroy the thing that was in Jess, he was saving her, saving her from herself. Sam knew if he didn't do this now, Jess would do it to him later; she was now a monster after all. Without as much as a flinch Sam dropped the lighter on the floor, letting it ignite the gasoline drenched wood.

The fire moves through the room like a giant wave, the lambent tongues gliding over the wood, and with its twisted, mesmerizing dance it engulfed everything in its path, including Sam and Jess. The inferno claimed every inch of the house as its own, everything was at the mercy of its destructive nature. The world faded away, the only thing that remained was memories buried under a ton of burnt wood and ash.


A month earlier

Dean was becoming undone; his essence was slowly unravelling till all that was left was a pile of skin and bones moving around without much purpose. These last few weeks had taken a toll on Dean; he spent every waking minute searching for the letters Sam had sent out. He had already collected a years and a half worth of letters. Each time he read them it pulled him apart even more, each word slowly tugging and pulling at his heart, each time Sam said the words 'I miss you' sent shivers down Dean's spine. He had failed his brother once; he wasn't going to fail him again.

For the first week Dean spent each passing day searching relentlessly, passing through cities, heading anywhere without direction. The only thing he had on his mind was Sam. Find Sam's letters, and find Sam. That was his only objective, work could wait, nothing is more important than finding his little brother, Dean couldn't name anything that could ever be more important than finding every single one of Sam's letters. That was, until he got the call.


Two weeks later

It had taken Dean days to drive back to Bobby's place, he hated coming here, there were too many memories, too many things that reminded him of the life he use to have. Dean loved Bobby, hell, the man practically raised him; he owned the old basted a lot. Dean wouldn't have come if Bobby hadn't mentioned the two words that occupied his mind for the most part, 'Sam' and 'letter,' these were the only two important words at this moment in time. Soon it'd only be 'find Sam.' Find that stupid, annoying baby brother.

As he pulled up the impala outside the old Singer salvage yard and walked slowly to the front door, his hands in his pockets. God it had been way over two years since he had last laid eyes on this old dump, well it was home sweet home for the most part. Dean took a deep breath before rapping his knuckles against the door, impatiently waiting for Bobby to open the door.

He needed to know what was on the letter, what was so god damn important for him to come here. The thought was occupying Dean's min, making it impossible to concentrate on anything else, what could've Sam have said that got Bobby's knickers in such a twist.

Thinking about it Dean noted about ninety percent of Sam's letters were either about Brady, school or any other irrelevant information that Dean didn't think much of. Whereas the other ten percent was purely dedicated to making Dean feel like absolute crap. Those stupid letters filled with every feeling of rejection, need, loneliness Sam felt made Dean want to rip out his heart and send it to Sam in the post with a 'I'm sorry' note pinned to it.

Dean noted his heart rate rapidly increase in his heart rate, he didn't realize how nervous he had gotten over this encounter. Rocking slightly on two feet he straightened his posture as the door swung open, only to reveal a rather disgruntled looking Bobby.

"Heya Bobby, been a while" Dean's mouth curved into a small sideward smile, seeing Bobby standing in front of him now Dean only realized just how much he missed his old life.

"Just get over here you idjit" Bobby just smiled as Dean threw his arms around Bobby in a sloppy hug.

The embrace didn't last too long but it was enough to sate Dean's butterflies, "The letter, the one Sam sent, where is it? It better be something important." Dean's voice came out as a harsh mumble, hoping it'd drown out the rapid beating of his heart.

Dean wasn't sure if he would completely fall apart with this but he needed to do it. For Sam, that's the only motivation he had, or needed. No matter how much he just wanted to push this all away and drown it out with booze and meaningless sex with whoever he could get his hands on.

"Dean, I'm gonna need you to calm the hell down. Freaking out like this ain't gonna help Sam" Bobby just shook his head and walked back inside the house, beckoning Sam to follow. "And standing out there isn't going to help either, just get in here and shut the door. I'll get the letter."

With a jerky nod Dean stepped inside and locked the door, gazing outside at the impala for a moment before locking the door behind him. The house hadn't changed much; it was in the exact same condition as it was when Dean left all of those years ago. Books were piled up in every corner, littering the house, covering every table service; even the staircase was being used as a bookshelf. Dean had to admit he was impressed, every guy has gotta have a hobby.

Dean's butterflies returned, but these seemed more like a pair of birds taking nest in his stomach, causing his throat to restrict and heart to thump so loudly it might as well just jump out of his chest. What the hell is on that letter? Sam… what have you gotten yourself into.

Bobby emerged again, stepping out from behind the door with the letter in hand. The top was torn off, so Bobby had read it. That just reassured Dean even more, well isn't this all just so reassuring.

"Well this is it, it's not much but… well, you'll see." Dean bolted over and practically tore the message from Bobby's grip, he needed to read this, and he needed to know.

Dear Dean,

It's Jess, Jess is one of them. I know what I have to do. It's for our own good. Maybe I am saving her; perhaps the afterlife would be kind to her too. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry.

Sam. W.

Dean read the note over and over. Jess… that girl Sam got with. He checked the date, 28th December of last year, not that long ago. Sam couldn't have, could he? This has to be a joke, it has to be, right?

Bobby cleared his throat slightly making Dean look up, "I called because another one came a few days ago, maybe a few hours before I called. Dean, I think it is time you went to find Sam"

Bobby handed Dean a piece of crumpled paper with a few words scrawled on it, this one was shorter than the other one; it was messier and lacking well… Sam. He looked at the paper, unsure if he actually wanted to read it but it's not like he'll be able to dig himself in a bigger hole anyways, god he was so wrong. He looked at the two accursed words on the page, the two words Dean dreaded. I'm sorry.

'I'm sorry'; those two words could have meant anything, but Dean knew. He knew Sam did the deed, he knew Sam has or is going to make the biggest mistake of his life and Dean knew he was going to be the one to stop it. He will be the one to save Sam from himself.

Dean's voice was strained, his hands shaking slightly at the thought of his brothers self-destructive personality. "Bobby, I need to go. Sam… he, he needs me. I will call you as soon as I get there. I'll see you later, ok?"

"You better call; I don't want you hurtin' Sam any more than he is hurting himself. Hurrying and go you idiot. You're not getting any younger." Dean smiled slightly at Bobby's words before bolting out the door and grabbing the keys to the impala.

Bobby watched Dean slide into the driver's seat with ease and start up the engine before driving out of there like a bat out of hell. All Bobby could say is that kid is really something special, much like his old man, may his soul rest in peace.


Dean couldn't have left any faster, his hands lightly tapped against the impala's steering wheel as he whistled to himself. Dean refused to believe what those letters said, sure Sam was a bit kooky and paranoid, and he's been like that since Dean could remember. Well since Dad…. This could just be another one of Sam's… breakdowns. Sam hasn't ever hurt anyone and never will; Dean couldn't be surer. For god's sake the kid almost cried when he saw road kill on the side of the road, he wouldn't lay a single finger on Jess like that. The kid was too nice, there's no way in hell he would. He's just confused. Dean's grip tightened on the steering as he let his thoughts wonder to something that was not Sam. It was him and the road

Stanford University, that's what his next location was. This was going to be a long drive, but hey, it was all for Sammy. Remember?


Now

When Sam said he had a surprise for her Jess couldn't help but feel excited, I mean, who doesn't like surprises but right now Jess was really questioning who does, especially when they involve getting tied to a chair and gagged. Let's just say it wasn't exactly number one on Jess's to do list for the day, but Sam had other things on his mind and not the things that normal couples do.

Jess struggled against ropes that bound her to the chair, with each struggle the ropes slowly stripping back her skin, leaving raw wounds encircling her wrists. She watched Sam walk around the room splattering gasoline over every inch of wall and furniture

Jess was able to catch a few words, but it wasn't what she hoped for, it wasn't exactly 'surprise! Ok jokes over, let's get some lunch,' but more along the lines of 'hope you had fun, now you die.' Jess continued to strain her ears, picking up as much as she could but the more she heard the more her heart fell.

… Monster...

… You killed Jess...

… You'll pay…

… Have fun in hell…

Sam was having a psychotic break; yep that's what it is. Jess just kept repeating the same mantra over and over in her head; everything is going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine… everything is go- crap.

Everything was not going to be fine, this man standing in front of her was not Sam, and this man was going to kill her. Jess just closed her eyes and prayed, prayed that wherever her Sam was, he will save her. Sam, wherever you are, whatever has happened to you just know I love you, please come back to me. Please, Sam… for me


Sam's eyes were fixed on Jessica, gazing at the thing that was to be his girlfriend, but she was gone, Jess was gone. Replaced with this black eyed monster, this no longer was Jess, she had to go. His fingers curled around the lighter, the voice in the back of his mind taunted him 'do it. Kill her. She's a monster, she needs to die.' Sam was all but ok with the situation but he had a job to do, he had to kill monsters. That's what his dad raised him to do, that's what that nonstop training was. He was a hunter and he had to do this. The voice got louder, it was screaming at him now, just saying the same words over and over, taunting him, testing him. 'Do it, kill her. Come on, do it. Kill her.'

He flicked the lighter on and let it slip out of his hand; the flames quickly consumed the room, turning everything into ash without a moment's hesitation. Sam's feet felt like they were rooted to the spot, the voice whispering gently in his ear, 'why bother running, you're a monster too Sam. You know you are. Why run? There's no hope for you out there now. Murderer'

The fire was consuming them; Sam could feel it run over his leg, teasing the material of his pants before igniting them. He watched the inferno slowly eat at Jess's flesh, consuming her in seconds, only leaving behind mutilated flesh and the putrid smell of cooked meat. Sam didn't know exactly when he passed out from the fumes but all he knew was that he was lying at Jess's feet, unable to move, knowing his time had come. It was over, the inevitable had come, but he did what he needed to, rid the world of monsters. He was just lucky he was able to get rid of two at once.

Everyone said you see your life flash before your eyes before you died, every happy memory, every moment you cherished in life. How they were so wrong. The only thing that bubbled to the surface of Sam's consciousness was Dean. The way he smiled down at Sam proudly every time he brought back an A from school, the way his corner of his eyes crinkled every time he did smile the green of his eyes. Each though of every moment that he had spent with Dean flashed before him, not all were happy or even close to his happiest but it was something; much better than he expected. He felt relaxed, content, his life wasn't over. He knew there was something waiting for him over at the other side.

TBC


Sorry this update took a while, next one should come sooner or maybe I'll just make you all wait. You can find this fic on AO3 here - /works/2277225/chapters/5004102