A/N: I must say that I've been looking forward to bashing Melina. It will take away the mounds of stress I've accumulated after making fun of Cody. And I'm supposed to be researching for a paper right now. Fuck that.

Melina sucks, plain and simple. Hey, DX, I bet if you told her to "suck it," she'd do it. I know what you're thinking. Melina's not a whore. Um, yes. She is. This is why. Melina does the splits when she gets in the ring. If that's not the mark of a slut, I don't know what is. And you people called Lita a whore when she was here? You people disgust me. That is the most outrageous thing I've ever heard, and I've heard some pretty obscene things in my time. How can you compare Lita to a whore when you've got Melina running around? At least Lita didn't open her legs to the world whenever she got in the ring. Hey Melina, no one wants to see your underwear. I know I sure don't. Again, we'd have none of that running around in Canada. I feel embarrassed for my country whenever we're there to visit and that little piece of trash is running around. I am so glad that Lita never had to tag with her. People talk about Lita having diseases…Well, if that were true, I'd have them, too. I sure don't. Would you like to check?

That primal scream is the most unappetizing sound in the world. I'd rather hear nails on a chalkboard. Hell, I'd rather hear John Cena try to rap, and that's saying something. Why does she even do that? Her outfits are pretty much loud enough that we can see her from miles away, but she wants us to hear her, too? I've almost come to the point where I must bring earplugs with me whenever I know Melina is going to be around. Why doesn't someone stuff a sock in her when she yells? Where the hell is Mick Foley when you need him? That's probably the only useful thing Mick can be used for, so let's make use of it. I know something else I'd like to stick in her mouth when she yells, but then I'd be like DX, and that's never a good thing. I wish Lita would've injured Melina's voice box or something.

Another reason Melina sucks: Who the hell would date Johnny Nitro? I refuse to call him Morrison. He will always be Nitro. But, my bashings of Nitro will come in due time, my little Edgeheads. Who would associate themselves with Mercury? The best moment of his career was when Jeff Hardy busted his face open. That was great television. He had to run around looking like Jason for a while after. That's great. Why would someone be a part of a tag team named after a crappy candy? Why was Melina even acknowledged in the tag team? As much as I hate Nitro and Mercury (who have crappy names by the way), at least they did something. What did Melina do? That's right, nothing.

Here's another "Melina is a whore" statement. She threw herself at Batista so he wouldn't kick the crap out of her boys. Lita never threw herself at anyone. Kane? Matt Hardy? I will bash them at a later time. They don't count. Yes, I've pimped out Lita before; I've even admitted to it in WWE Magazine. Pimping her out doesn't make her a whore. It's called business. At least I got paid for Lita doing that stuff. Melina is just a whore. She doesn't get paid, and she cheats on her boyfriend without his consent. I find it funny that Batista just shook her off. She must have sucked. If she was good, Batista would've done what she said to keep getting more from her in the future. Or maybe Batista is just an idiot and didn't know he could do that. Again, I'm proving that I'm smarter than all the other nimrods in the back.

How did Melina even win the Women's Championship? How did she even get a shot? Did she fuck Cena, too, and he got her a shot? What the hell. That's insulting. She is holding the same title that Lita held. Melina's ring skills don't even compare to Lita's. However, Melina might just have a bit more talent that John Cena. Just a bit.

My next victim?

A/N: At the time of me starting this, Randy Orton and Batista were tied in your votes. Close to me finishing, someone voted Orton. Randy is next! And then I think Batista shall be after him. Don't ask for Kane, Matt Hardy, or Cena. I know exactly where I'm putting them already.