A/N: So, someone decided to even the score after I already said that it was going to be Randy. I am a huge Randy Orton fan, but this is going to be hil-fucking-larious.
I was wondering when you fuckbags were going to ask me about my former tag team partner, Randy Orton. There are so many things I could say about him.
Let's start on his wife.
Do you guys know how he met her? Well, I'm going to tell you. He met her at a bar. First strike. You never meet a decent woman at a bar. They all have their beer goggles on and they regret everything the next day. And then do you know what he did? He asked her for her number! Second strike. You let the women come to you. I pride myself in never having to ask a woman for her number. They all come to the Edgemeister, here. She gave him the number, of course. I don't know why, but women seem to throw themselves at Randy. WHY? Anyways, she told him that he had to memorize her number if he wanted it. He did. STRIKE THREE, RANDY! Why would you waste your time on one woman when you could have about six thousand more? Randy made the biggest mistake of his life when he called that woman. Hell, I didn't even know Randy was smart enough to remember all seven digits. Randy can barely remember half the moves he does in the ring. Why do you think he only does headlocks? Have you seen his wife? She looks like a fourteen year old teeny bopper. When Randy walks around with her, he looks like a fucking pedophile. I think he's going to get arrested one night when he's out with her, and that thought makes me laugh.
Randy Orton was the reason that Rated-RKO didn't work out. He couldn't handle the fact that I was definitely the leader. Hello? "Rated" came before "RKO." He is the reason that there was all that tension between us. I thought we were on the same page about taking down DX. I was totally cool with actually working with someone for once to achieve a common goal. But Randy on the other hand had other ideas. I think Randy may have wanted to suck it. He's just like that little rat, Cody. He's too much of a pretty boy. If someone even so much as touches his face, he cries like a little bitch. It makes me want to hit him right in the face with a steel chair even more.
There was a moment during our run with Rated-RKO where DX actually did something amusing, and it made fun of Randy. I'll say it now, anyone who makes fun of someone so I don't have to certainly makes my job a lot easier. It was when they said that Randy Orton was the most downloaded WWE Superstar in the gay community. That was quality entertainment. And did you see the look on Randy's face? It wasn't one of fear or disgust. I think he actually enjoyed having his revolting pictures shown to the world. I was in the ring when I saw those pictures show on the titantron, and I remember having to choke back some puke. Why would two supposedly straight men search for Randy Orton in the gay community, and then take those pictures? DX, you never cease to suck.
I still don't understand why Randy Orton was the youngest champion in history. Didn't he only have the title for like a month? And they call me a transitional champion? Well, of course I'm going to lose the title to John Cena because that's the way of the world, apparently. Cena always gets what he wants because he's Vince's little lap dog.
I think Randy Orton might be gay. No, I'm almost positive that Randy Orton is gay. I like to sing to his little theme song, and it goes like this:
Hey!
Randy Orton's gay!
He likes to get it up the ass!
Not only do I think he's gay, I think he's gay for Cena. Did you see how excited he was when he was named number one contender? That meant he got to touch Cena some more.
Randy Orton sucks. He is a flaming homosexual with horrible taste in men.
A/N: I think that Batista shall be next.
Vote for chapter seven: Umaga vs. Khali
