A/N: It has come to my attention that a few of you, or many of you, are finding yourselves offended when reading this story. I must say that I apologize, but that's kind of the point of the story. It's what Edge does, and he's the person I'm attempting to portray. I've stated numerous times that these, mostly, are not my thoughts on the Superstars. Think Edge, here, people. Here's a rant about Batista.
If Batista wants to call himself "The Animal," let's stick him in a cage like any other ordinary animal. I'd go up to his cage like I was at the zoo and poke him with a long stick and throw pebbles at him for my enjoyment. I think I know why he calls himself that. He looks like one of those escaped animals from a drug testing facility that ran into some bad radioactive waste. I mean, look at the guy. His back muscles are abnormally large. He looks like a fucking horse.
I've already touched on his relationship with Melina in her bashing. Who the hell would actually admit to fucking that? If I ever came close to admitting something like that, I'd say I was shit-faced at the very least. I think that point ruined Batista's book, even though it could never compare to my book, Adam Copeland on Edge.
Batista's book sucked. I looked at the first page and wanted to puke. The rest I've learned about the book I found out from other people or the internet. That way, even if what it says on the internet was false, I can still pretend it's true and take the shit out of Batista. He pretends to be this awesome guy in the ring, but I've heard that he just totally makes himself to be an asshole in the book. Don't even bother reading it. Pick up my book, instead. That is a piece of literary mastery, right there. Who wouldn't want to read a book about the ol' Edgemeister? I'm a fucking genius. I promise, you scumbags will raise your IQ at least three points after reading my book. It should be a staple in all schools across Canada.
What is up with Batista's entrance? Does he think he's more gangster by pretending to shoot off a machine gun? Does he think he's Rambo or something? Rambo sucks, but definitely not as much as Batista. I don't know what Batista pretends to be, but he is probably almost as white as John Cena. That guy spends obscene amounts of money on horrendous suits to wear while he bores you nimrods with terrible speeches about the Undertaker. Boring. If Batista was as hardcore as he says he is, he would be kicking ass in the ring, not talking about his lame accomplishments.
That's another thing I have over Batista. I've pinned the Undertaker to win the World Heavyweight Championship. Has Batista done that? Not that I can remember, but if he did, it probably wasn't that impressive. At least people remember what I've done. I know what you little ass hats are going to say: You cheated, Edge, you big meanie. You waited to cash in your Money in the Bank opportunity until the champion was hurt. You're right, for once. I am a big meanie, and I could care less about what you have to say about it. You tune in and watch me, so I think you're the dumbass in that scenario. And congratulations, two right statements in one thought. Whoever said that must have been the only non-Edge fan in Canada. I did wait until the Undertaker was fatigued after his cage match with Batista, which he lost! It's called being smart. Nowhere in that contract did it say that I had to make sure I was on a level playing field, here. You all know that you would've done the same thing if you were me. But, alas, you're not me which means you just suck more than I do. Sorry. I took down Undertaker the same way I took down your fag, Cena. I love myself for that, even more than I already did.
Batista can go cry about how I "stole" his rivalry with the Undertaker because I credit myself with taking Undertaker out. Because of me, Batista lost his main event status. The more jerks I make unhappy, the greater my career is. I love doing that kind of underhanded stuff. No one sees it coming, and it makes my life more fun. I love the thrills of it. Thank you, Batista, for making my life happier.
A/N: I love you guys. As I was sitting here writing this, I got five reviews. Do you know how long it took me to get forty reviews on my other story The Champion and the Diva? And that story is sixty chapters long!
Because of x.ExtremeVixen.x, my next target is Khali. I'm warning you now that I despise Khali.
Chapter 8 is already Shannon Moore. I have most of the chapters planned out, but I think I'm making some changes. Chapter 9, due to popular demand, will be John Morrison, and it was originally planned to be the loser of Khali/Umaga.
