A/N: I wasn't really looking forward to writing this chapter, nor was it meant to come this early in the story. This is the bashing of John Morrison. I really don't like this guy.

John Morrison should have stayed as Johnny Nitro. I'm not saying that he was better as Nitro, because he sucks either way. Morrison isn't even his birth name like he told you. If you're going to make a name for yourself, you should freaking keep it. At least Nitro was a damn character. When he turned to Morrison, he turned into a fucking pussy. He doesn't have his chick or his tag team partner to protect him from.

The "shaman of sexy?" Hell the fuck no! That is the worst use of alliteration I've ever heard of. At least "The Rated-R Superstar" has a ring to it. The "shaman of sexy" is just ridiculous. He looks like a fucking dog with that face. His hair is horrible, too. I mean, sure, at least now it's a decent color instead of that puke color he had as Nitro. The feathered look is outrageous. The seventies were almost forty years ago, dude.

Ric Flair (when he was good) called. He wants his hair back.

I hate when he does his little entrance and he thinks that he's going in slow motion. What the fuck is that? It's bad enough when we have to see you in real time, but then you put us through seeing you in slow motion. I think I'm going to invade the production truck the next time ECW is on. When Morrison comes out and he does his slow motion bullshit, I'm going to insert a sound effect. It's going to be one, long slow motion sound of PUKING!

His entrance theme is terrible. At least people recognize my song when they hear it. I don't even know if you can consider Morrison's theme as an actual song. It just doesn't make sense. I can barely hear it because Morrison's pants are too loud. What kind of self-respecting male wears fucking fuzzy leg warmers? Not even I would consider putting those on even if it was the harshest winter in Canada.

This is how I know Morrison does not have a penis: No man could ever fit into pants that tight, no matter how small he is down there. That's just insulting to the male anatomy. Damn. Those aren't even remotely attractive pants. He picks ridiculous color combinations. Sometimes, he looks like a fucking Dalmatian exploded on his pants. At least I stick with basic red, black, and white, with the occasional blue.

Morrison was moved to ECW because he sucks. ECW is where all the losers congregate because they suck too much to get on RAW or SmackDown. I think that's hilarious. I like to compare ECW to a summer camp for retarded kids, except the ECW guys are retarded "adults."

Morrison's ECW Championship reign was ridiculous. The only reason he was able to hold onto it for so long was because everyone else there sucks. And he had to drop it because he got suspended for steroids. Hey, how do you think his abs got like that? Let me tell you, his abs are just about as real as Jillian's boobs and singing talent are. When I had to give up my title, at least I did it because of injury. I had to step out of the ring for so long because I kicked so many asses that I got a tad bit carried away there for a moment. Don't even give me that Kane bit. I'll get to him in due time, you impatient assholes. It is a privilege for you to have the opportunity to listen to me speak like this. You better revel in it.

When I come back, I think I might have to make a guest appearance on SmackDown just to beat down Morrison. Hey, that's a great possibility with that whole talent exchange thing that's going on now. And it just gives me the opportunity to give the fans their moneys worth, even though they don't deserve it. If I was on ECW, even for a millisecond, that millisecond would out shadow the rest of the show. I'd be giving back to the fans for booing me all this time. That's just the kind of guy I am. I give to the fans even though they don't respect me for a damn.

I think Morrison needs his boy toy Mercury back. Then maybe they can put a decent move on someone.

A/N: I am from Wisconsin, and so my next target must be Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy). I would say Candice since I am from Milwaukee, but I'll save her for later.

I adore Mr. Kennedy. After hearing some of his answers on Family Feud, that man is GOD. Oh, and also because of what he said during his entrance at No Mercy in Chicago. When I watched Cyber Sunday at BW3s, the whole bar was screaming "KENNEDY" and we chanted "bullshit" when he didn't win the title match opportunity. To make a long story short, I love Mr. Kennedy, but he is an asshole so this should be fun. I think that he and Edge would just clash so much.