A/N: This is the one you've all been waiting for.
I've decided to speak about Matt Hardy a little earlier than I planned so that I don't have to hear your whining and crying about him. Matt Hardy is the most retarded kid ever.
I'll start off with a series of topics on why I hate this man.
Topic number one: The ladder match.
Matt Hardy thinks that he and his brother own the ladder match. Um, no. As I've said in the Ladder Match DVD, I will credit Matt Hardy with being the second best in the ladder match, maybe. My ex-tag team parter Christian might have been better than him. I've only lost one ladder match or TLC match in my life, but we're not going to talk about that. Most of my ladder and TLC matches involved Matt Hardy. He lost all of those. Maybe if he didn't suck, he would have been good enough to be my partner. Then he would have won a few.
I'm going to refute the arguments on this topic of you little scum lickers right now.
You're going to say that I only took Matt Hardy off of RAW because of Lita.
Fact. It was because of Lita holding Matt in the ropes that I was able to kick Matt off of what was then my show. I see it this way: If Lita hadn't found something better, which was me, then I would have been the one with an early ticket to SmackDown. It is only to my advantage that I have Lita. It makes me feel even better that I am that much better than Matt Hardy.
I didn't win the Money in the Bank match at Wrestlemania 23.
Fact. I didn't win. Matt Hardy's baby brother felt the need to risk his life to take me out. What in idiot. In case you didn't notice, Matt Hardy didn't win that match, either. And to further the wrestling knowledge of you numb skulls, I ended up with that contract for the second time. Oh, and I became the World Heavyweight Champion. How many world titles has Matt Hardy has? That's right. None. And when I saw world titles, the European Championship doesn't count. It was like the Women's Championship for men. The reason that they got rid of that title was because they didn't want to put gold on losers like Matt Hardy.
I didn't beat John Cena at Unforgiven.
Cena will get his time.
I simply just am the master of the ladder match. Hell, half of those matches on that DVD set involve me, and I just have so many more.
Topic number two: He says he "will not die."
Would you like to test that theory? I'm pretty sure he's going to die one day. Maybe Matt thinks he's some sort of superhero. Matthew, there's only room for one wannabe hero backstage and we all know that it's Super Cena.
Topic number three: Scrabble.
Who plays that? That's a game for old fucks that wear sweater vests. Basically, it's for guys like Matt Striker. Matt Hardy thinks he's so smart because he knows how to spell. Any idiot can pick up a damn dictionary and look up a word. It's basically like copying and pasting.
You know what Matt Hardy's favorite pastime is? He likes to look up naughty words in the dictionary in the middle of the night in his bed hiding under the covers with a flashlight. Then he giggles to himself after he reads the definition.
Topic number four: Lita.
This will be the last topic I speak on relating to Matt Hardy. I have better things to do, like watch Batista shave his chest. Okay, it's not my fault that Lita left Matt for me. Who wouldn't? Matt's hair looks like that of a greasy old biker man. Disgusting. It's so greasy that it constantly looks like he just got out of the shower. And what is with those sideburns? Is he trying to get the old Triple H 'stache back? Re-fucking-volting.
Everyone knows this story, so I won't divulge the unnecessary details to you morons. If you want to know about it, search it on youtube. Actually, I did that once and came up with a very interesting video. Matt Hardy reenacts the "break up" with Lita. It did not happen like that. I won't discuss it because none of you will remember it, anyways. But what I can tell you is this: Who the fuck keeps a cardboard cut out of their ex-girlfriend in their home? That is the move of a fucking stalker. I've never heard of such creep-like behavior before! How do you think it makes me feel to know that another man has a life size cardboard cut out of my girlfriend in his house? Fine, I'm not with Lita anymore, but still. I feel horrible for the girl. And to make it even more obscene, he keeps it in his fucking bathroom. What are you doing with that in there, Matt?
When I come back from my injury, Matt will wish that I never cashed in that Money in the Bank. After all, we'll be on the same show again.
A/N: Votes are still open for chapter 15: MVP or three other losers in one chapter.
Next chapter is a surprise. Guess correctly and you win a hardcore shout out in chapter 15.
I just wanted you all to know that I did a little shopping today and bought a Triple H belt, WWE patch for a bag, and this weird John Cena thing that I only got because it came with a keychain and four pins. And they had a John Cena wall clock that I almost got.
I like to Orton pose when I'm happy. I'm happy when I get a lot of reviews. Make me happy, and the chapters will be even more hilarious.
