A/N: Welcome back, my little Edge loving minions. MVP! (I hate him.)
MVP is the biggest loser I've ever had the displeasure of meeting in my time at the WWE. He's even more of a loser than Matt Hardy.
What kind of idiot wears that type of ring gear? I think the only time I have ever loved the non-Canadian fans was when they chanted "Power Ranger" at him. That's priceless, especially since he got so defensive about the whole thing. You brought it upon yourself, fuckbag. I was just waiting for him to hold that stupid ass chain in his outstretched hands and yell, "PTERODACTYL!" I only say pterodactyl because that was the chosen animal of the pink ranger, and we all know that MVP is a fucking fruit. Ever wonder why MVP has yet to come out in a pink suit? It's because pink is his secret Power Ranger disguise color. He can't disclose his alter ego to us. I hear the insane asylum coming now.
Another thing about that ring gear: MVP is such an idiot that he decides to wear that in an inferno match, with Kane, and his outfit is flammable. The point of an inferno match is to set your opponent on fire, not make yourself out to be a fucking human candle. If that was me, I would've worn a fucking fireman suit or something so I didn't catch on fire. What a dumbass. Kane is all about fire. Of course MVP was going to get a fire lit under his ass, literally. When he caught on fire, I wanted to wave him around like a lighter and blast "Freebird" throughout the arena. That is the stuff dreams are made of. Can you just imagine seeing me twirling a FLAMING (and I am using a double meaning for that, kiddos) MVP throughout the air while Lynyrd Skynyrd plays? I'm going to try that the next time MVP decides to play with fire.
No Guitar Hero references, shitbags. I can play the real thing.
What is this bullshit that MVP is the highest paid Superstar in WWE history? NOT TRUE. Do you honestly think that Vince McMahon is going to pay some untalented scum more money than me? Oh, wait. He already does: John Cena. Anyways, MVP doesn't deserve to be paid at all to wrestle here. In fact, he should be paying the WWE. He should be paying me rent to be on my show every week.
I don't care if MVP hates the kid, but no one in their right mind would ever align themselves with Matt Hardy. Jeff is an exception because they're brothers so Jeff is stuck with the bastard. I think that it's even worse for MVP because he kept losing in all of those little challenges to Matt Hardy. I could beat both of those kids at the same time without lifting a finger. I'd just have to tell Matt that Lita wants him back, and I'd tell MVP that the white Power Ranger is looking for his girlfriend.
Hey, when Vince McMahon got his head shaved, he looked like that big talking head from the old Power Rangers. Maybe that's why MVP was so interested in coming here.
Next victim, please.
A/N: This is how it's going to work. I'm taking requests. Whoever the best suggestion is will be written about tomorrow. It's only for a limited time, because I will have time to do this between 11-1 tomorrow afternoon, and it's currently 1 AM here.
