A/N: I'll skip the "I'm a Failure" rant and just let you read this. Finally. Orz
Xion's POV.
When I see Axel sprawled flat on the ice, I laugh an honest, normal laugh, and all the earlier tension in my chest evaporates. This is how it should be, even if it's not exactly as romantic as I'd fantasized.
"Some friend you are…" Axel mutters, looking like a fish out of water when he tries to get back on his feet.
"No, this is exactly what friends are for," Terra says through a grin. "To laugh at you when you do something slightly stupid, join you for stuff that's pretty stupid, and smack you upside the head before you do something really stupid."
Aqua smiles slyly. "Guess how many times Terra's been smacked upside the head."
"Not as much as he deserves," Axel says with his usual wit, which hasn't been hindered by falling flat on his butt.
"Oi, very funny," Terra mutters while the rest of us laugh at his expense.
"Now really, how do I get up? Looks like some people are getting impatient."
Sure enough, many of the ice skaters passing by are rolling their eyes or shooting us dirty looks, like none of them have ever fallen down before.
"Don't worry about them," I tell Axel, extending a hand.
"Yeah, well I don't want to sit down here all night anyway," he replies, taking my hand. I hadn't thought anything of my gesture at first, but now I feel that warm electric jolt that makes everything look brighter and would've given me goosebumps, if I didn't already have them.
With a quick grin, Axel jerks his arm down and I let out an extremely dignified squeak as I land on the cold ice next to him.
"Axel," Aqua says warningly, but Terra's laughter doesn't help, and neither does the fact that Kairi's taking pictures with her phone.
"Kairiiii…" I moan, knowing it's far too late to stop the pictures of me and Axel looking like dorks from popping up on every social networking site ever.
Axel opens his mouth like he was going to defend himself but instead mumbles an embarrassed, "Sorry, Xi…." In the end Terra and Aqua pull the two of us to our feet. I manage to keep my balance, but Axel clings to the rail that rims the ice rink like it's a life preserver. It's adorable and funny at the same time, and I wish he weren't holding on with both hands so I could hold one. Not that I would necessarily be able to even if he let go.
"It's like I'm trying to walk on knife shoes," he says, lips drooping into a pout as he tries to make both feet move in the same direction.
I giggle at both his description and his expression. "You know how to rollerblade, right?"
"Yeah, I thought that might help, but it doesn't look like it's doing any good."
"Try sliding more than picking up your feet. That's what Aqua always told me." I never learned how to rollerblade, though Roxas did try to teach me how to skateboard once, something that never should have been attempted and never will be attempted again.
"That works better when you have wheels," Axel says, looking around. "Where is Aqua, anyway?"
I glance around but don't see her, either, just clusters of other people ahead of us. A little ways behind us Kairi's trying to teach Sora how not to flail his arms around like a headless chicken when he skates.
"I guess she and Terra got ahead of us." I shrug. It's not like I don't love my sister, but I'm sure she'd agree it's easier on both of us if we have a little privacy.
"Bet you'd be up there with them if I wasn't slowing us down." Axel glares at his disobedient feet.
"Don't worry about it, really," I say honestly. "We don't have to be in their personal space all night."
He chuckles. "Heh, that wouldn't end well for any of us."
I could probably spend the whole night trying to figure out if he meant anything by that, but I should know by now not to overanalyze every little thing. It's a habit I probably picked up from Saïx. I bet it's part of why he's so grumpy all the time, too. Just enjoy this and don't worry so much, since it might not happen again…
"Are you cold now?" Axel grins. It takes me a minute to realize he noticed that I just shuddered. When I don't reply fast enough he says, "'Cause if you are it's okay, I'm hot enough for both of us—" He stops abruptly. "Warm! I meant warm, that's what I meant," he clarifies frantically, watching the blush I'm sure is forming on my face. Which, honestly, is more from holding back laughter than embarrassment. "I wasn't trying to be a narcissistic idiot and hit on you or anything, I mean, not that you're not worth hitting on—"
Kairi and Sora skate by at that moment. "Just shut up before you dig yourself a bigger hole," his sister calls back to him.
"…Yeah I'm just gonna shut up," Axel mumbles, his eyes nearly melting a hole in the ice at our feet.
I'm not quite sure how to react to all of that, but I end up giggling. Actually, giggling is a kind term for the unholy noise coming out of my mouth. It's more like hyena-cackling. I can't help it, he's just too cute when he gets embarrassed, and it doesn't happen often enough.
"Okay, it wasn't that funny," Axel grumbles in a hurt-sounding way. I cough to choke out my remaining hyena-cackles.
"Yeah, it wasn't," I mumble more to myself because I still don't understand. My laughter is more of an outlet for confusion than anything. "And um, I am kind of cold, actually," I say to change the subject. I hope I'm not imagining how his eyes light up like fireworks.
"Axel the walking space heater, at your service."
Letting go of the rail with one hand, he gingerly lays an arm around my shoulders, almost like he's afraid to touch me. Even that light touch is better to me than his warmth, but I can't shake the feeling that he'll pull away at any second. Maybe it's only a side effect of his unsteady legs, but it feels like we're dominoes stacked on end and one bump could send us tumbling apart.
That's not true. Our friendship is too strong for that. Why am I being so pessimistic?
Maybe I still can't believe that after so long, things might actually go right.
Axel's still shuffling awkwardly along the handrail with me supporting his arm. It makes me feel like a bad friend, but I still can't help wanting to laugh at how out of his element he is. Apparently he can see my struggle.
"You just wanted to bring me out here to laugh at me, didn't you?" He accuses lightly.
"You were the one who volunteered to come." I smile, and he ruffles his hair sheepishly.
"Heh, you've got me there…"
"Come on, let's get you off of that bar," I say, starting to angle away from the wall.
"What? You wanna see me fall on my butt again?"
I laugh. "No, I want to teach you how to ice skate. Unless you want to spend the whole night attached to the wall," I can't help teasing.
"…Ice skating was a dumb idea for a first date," he grumbles, but he finally lets go of the bar with his other hand. I can't help smiling at how he says first date… "I'll try not to land us both on the ice again, but no promises."
"You're doing fine, Axel." Well, not really, but I wouldn't tell him that. It's taking all my balance to keep us both upright, and people keep passing us from behind. "It just takes practice. Try to focus on one point so you can keep your balance."
"What, just stare at something?" He asks, cutting gashes in the ice with each step.
"Pretty much."
He puts on this serious face as he stares unblinkingly at the wall on the opposite side of the rink. This lasts about ten seconds before he takes a deep breath and trips over his feet. I barely manage to keep him upright.
"Nope, not feeling it," he says. "Maybe if there was something interesting to stare at…"
"Like what?"
A sly smile tweaks his lips. "Ah, nothing. You got any other great ideas for me to try?"
"Uh…" I have to think for a while, remembering the first time I was learning to skate. Aqua wasn't an instructor then, but she knew enough to teach me the basics. And the most important thing she told me was… "Relax."
Axel quirks an eyebrow. " 'Scuse me?"
"Relax." I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding and grin. "Like you told me to."
"Did I, now?" He stares off in the general direction of the balconies, where it looks like some kids are running around. It's so far up it might actually be adults that just look small from here.
"Yes, I do believe you did."
"Huh." His feet stop their awkward shuffling moment, and I slow my smoother glide to stop with him. When his eyes meet mine, they're clear with a seriousness I rarely see, not shining with amusement or shielded by… well, I can never really tell. "I'm not sure you want that."
"…Why not?" I ask, even though I'm nervous to hear the answer.
He shakes his head, apparently shaking that expression off his face too. "I might fall asleep on you or something." He laughs. "Hey, I think the wall misses me. Can I go back now?"
I roll my eyes, trying not to wonder what he was actually talking about. "Only if you want me to make fun of you for the rest of forever."
"You're too nice for that, Xi." He grins, and I practice my advanced art of blush-suppressing.
"Maybe, but they're not." I nod over my shoulder at where Terra and Aqua are finally lapping us, holding hands and being an adorable couple. Of course, once they get closer, I can clearly see Aqua's amused-slash-annoyed expression and hear Terra offering several lame pickup lines for her to approve or reject.
"…I doubt many girls other than me will understand that one," Aqua says in response to one I didn't quite hear, and Terra smiles.
"No other girls need to understand it."
Axel interrupts their sweet(ish) moment. "How have you guys not passed us yet?"
"We did," Aqua replies, smiling a little slyly. "We thought you might want some privacy, so we didn't say anything."
"…Oh."
Well, it's not like we'd really been paying attention…
"Are you having a good time, Xion?" Aqua asks.
My blush-suppressing skills are useful here, too. "Yeah, it's been fun." I think I do a decent job of not letting the rainbow-squee into my voice. Seriously, I'm only going on a date with the guy I've crushed on since I was at least ten, what does she think? But I guess it's just the big-sistery thing to ask. "What about you?"
"Well, I've had to endure about a hundred of Terra's home-made pickup lines—"
"I was only on number eighty-two!"
"—but I'm doing well." She smiles and gives a quick wink, surprising me. Did something interesting happen that I missed…? Never mind, I'm not Vanitas. I'm not going to bother her about things that aren't my business.
"Hey, there you guys are!" Sora calls from behind us, still waving his arms like an octopus having seizures and nearly smacking several unamused skaters in the process. Personally I find it funny, but I don't know how Kairi can put up with him all the time. He's the kind of boy who makes a great best friend, but I can't picture him ever acting boyfriend-y. But that's Kairi's problem.
"Sora…" She rolls her eyes, skating faster to catch up with her date.
"I will never understand how she puts up with him," Axel whispers to me while Sora, Kairi, Terra, and Aqua are talking.
"The same way I put up with you," I tease.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!"
I just laugh. He's too cute with that childish little pout on his face, and his spikes of hair never recovered from his first fall. I can't resist the urge to reach up and try to push them back into a slightly less chaotic formation. How is his hair still soft even with all that gel?
I pause with my hand still halfway in his hair, and suddenly it feels like everyone's staring at me, Axel included. Which wouldn't be nearly as awkward if I just finished without realizing what I was doing; maybe they would've ignored me…
I understand what Axel meant about not relaxing all the way. When I relax too much I do stupid things like this.
Wait, does that mean he would do stupid things too?
"…I think you missed a spot," Axel says through a half-grin. I forget everything I practiced and blush floridly (a word Saïx taught me), and I finish nudging the red spikes into place, dropping my hands as quickly as possible. I lace my fingers together to fight the temptation to reach up again.
"There. No more missed spots."
"Not in my hair, you mean." With a gentler touch than I'd expected, he smoothes the more ruffled locks of my hair. His long, thin fingers are as lithe in combing my hair as they always are when he plays piano…
Kairi coughs out a comment I don't quite catch, and Axel's startled so badly he slips and falls again, ruining my hair-taming effort. Terra and Sora immediately break into unrestrained laughter, which is only silenced by Axel sweeping their legs out from under them.
It's kind of pathetic how worried I am about him, already on my knees and asking if he's alright. He's laughing. At first I think it's at me, but I realize Sora and Terra flailing their arms and legs on the ice like they're trying to make snow angels is the funniest thing I've seen all week, and I'm laughing too. So are Kairi and Aqua, though they're trying to be more discreet about it, probably so their dates don't get offended. I don't think Axel, Sora, or Terra would've noticed; they're too busy calling each other names and play-wrestling like five-year-olds. My laugh escalates to some sort of hysterical cackle that can't possibly sound attractive. But right now, I don't care. I'm actually thinking it would be pretty fun to wrestle with them, like me and Axel and Roxas still like to.
"We better get them up before they get all of us thrown out." Aqua's voice sounds serious as she nods towards some very irritated-looking employees, but she's still smiling.
"Come on, boys, break it up." Kairi claps her hands to get their attention.
"He/they started it!" Sora and Terra point at Axel while he points back at them.
"They are such boys sometimes…" Aqua shakes her head in exasperated affection.
I pull Axel to his feet, and Aqua and Kairi help their respective dates. The employees around the edge of the rink look placated, but they don't take their eyes off of us.
"Thanks," Axel says, brushing off his loose vest. "Heh, don't guess you'd wanna fix my hair again…?"
I grin. "There's not much of a point. You'll probably just fall over again."
"Hey, I'm not that bad…!"
Aqua interrupts before I can tease him any more. "How about Xion and I show the rest of you some tricks while we're all together?"
Now's a good time, it's not nearly as crowded as it was earlier. Maybe we scared some people off.
"Ooh, do you know tricks too, Kai?" Sora asks hyperly.
"A few, but not as many as them."
"So how come I never knew you're good at ice skating?" Axel raises an eyebrow. I shrug.
"You never asked." I probably mentioned going ice skating a couple of times before, but I never made a big deal of it. It's something I enjoy, but more of a hobby because Aqua does it than a real talent I work on.
"…Fair enough. So what kind of tricks can you do?"
That reminds me – I haven't actually practiced any tricks in a long time. Probably since the spring, honestly. I'm not sure I want to perform in front of him now…
I think of a decent distraction – I've wanted to tell Axel about one particular skating jump for a while, but the subject never came up. "Well, it's not one I can do, but there's one trick called an Axel."
He blinks. "You're joking, right?"
I laugh. "Nope. It's named after the Axel who made it up. It's sort of a backwards midair twirl… I wish I could show you."
"You mean sometime a long time ago, there was a guy named Axel who was good at ice skating," Axel says in deadpan disbelief.
"Yep," I answer.
"I'm not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed…"
Aqua's already out in the center of the rink showing off for Terra, and Sora and Kairi are watching her too. She's carving figure eights into the ice, leaping gracefully, pulling off waltz jumps and Salchows and Lutzes and some other jumps I can't remember the names of. She doesn't try an Axel, though she's done them before. Maybe she's afraid of messing up in front of Terra. I doubt she would; she looks like a ballet dancer spinning on the tips of her skates. Someone wolf-whistles from across the rink.
"She's taken!" Terra shouts back, making Aqua come to a blushing stop.
"Terra… you didn't have to draw any more attention…"
"Yeah, don't feed the trolls," Axel adds. "It messes up the whole Troll Ecosystem."
"There's a troll in here?!" Sora yells way louder than necessary. Kairi rolls her eyes.
"It's a figure of speech, silly."
"Oh. Is that what Riku meant when he called Xigbar a troll?"
"Probably," I answer, knowing my cousin to be a troll in every sense of the word. He and my other cousin Xemnas moved back to Radiant Garden last year, but our families haven't associated much since the incident where Saïx and Xigbar got their scars. Father forces us to see them once every year around Christmas – next week actually, ugh – but it almost always ends in disaster. Last year I honestly thought Aqua was going to give Xigbar another scar…
"Xi?" Axel says, and I realize I'm spacing. "You gonna show us your moves now?"
"Huh?" I reply oh-so-intelligently.
"It's your turn if you want to show off." He smiles.
I don't get the chance to "show off" very often; Axel and Roxas are usually the ones in the spotlight. Not that they do it on purpose, but they're both naturally louder than me and don't always realize when they hog each other's attention. So it's nice when I get either of them by themselves, even though it's always great when the three of us are together.
But I don't want to show off now anyway, not without practicing anything in so long. I wasn't prepared to be put on the spot like this…
"I can't show you anything better than Aqua already did," I use as an excuse.
"Doesn't matter to me." Axel shrugs. "I want to see what you can do."
I really am hopeless. I can't back down when he's smiling at me, even though I know I'll probably make a fool of myself.
Reluctantly I skate out into the middle of the rink, and he claps like I'm about to perform on Disney on Ice or something. I warm up with some simple figure eights, breathing deeply to try and get rid of my nervousness, which will only make things worse when I'm trying to focus.
I lift my back leg and swing it forward, catching a split second of airtime as I perform a bunny hop and land on the opposite foot I started with. So far so good. I twirl a couple of times, because twirls were always easier than jumps for me. It still feels natural; maybe I'm not as out of practice as I thought. Then I build up speed again, extending my arms just slightly for balance, and push against the ice with my front foot, propelling myself into the air long enough for a one-eighty degree turn—
Pain crackles through the ankle of the leg I tried to land on, and I collapse, barely managing to hold in a scream. I was right the first time – I wasn't prepared to try anything so fancy; I'm so stupid, I was never even that good in the first place, I just wanted Axel to think I was, and look where that got me—
"Xi!" For someone who just learned to skate today, Axel flies over the ice faster than I thought possible, his scarf whipping like a flag in a gale as he barrels through a cluster of innocent skaters. "Xi, are you-?"
"I'm fine," I lie through a grimace. What am I going to do now? It's not a life-threatening injury by a long shot, but it definitely hurts too badly to keep skating, much less try any more tricks… ugh, I must have looked like such a failure…
Aqua and Terra and Sora and Kairi were right on Axel's heels, and now there's an uncomfortable crowd pressed around me. I didn't want this kind of attention…
"Twisted ankle?" Aqua correctly guesses. The questioning tone is just a formality; she's seen this kind of injury plenty of times. A few of those times from me.
"…Yeah," I admit. Sora and Kairi wince sympathetically, even though I'm not sure either of them has twisted an ankle before. It's really not that bad – or maybe my embarrassment is so strong it's shoving the physical pain out of the way.
"That's not 'nothing,' Xi!"
"Axel, you're overreacting." Maybe if I can just get up, shake it off…
Ha ha, good luck with that, my ankle mocks. Shut up, ankle.
With Axel leaning over her shoulder, Aqua crouches down to inspect the damage. She pulls the end of my jeans up a little and feels to make sure there's no swelling. "It could be worse," she assesses. "You didn't sprain it, but you should still stay off of it. An ice pack would be useful as well."
"I think too much ice is the problem," Axel says. "C'mon, let's get you out of this death trap." He extends a hand, which I take without hesitation, but I wince when he tries to pull me to my feet.
"I'm fine," I say before he can ask. "Sorry…"
"Xi," he says in exasperation. "What do you think you have to be sorry for?"
It hurts too much to look at him, knowing I made a fool of myself, feeling him hold me steady like I'm too weak to stand. Like I'm a little kid again. I can't have him thinking of me like that.
So I look somewhere else, anywhere but his sympathetic face. I must be even more upset than I thought, because I think I see a flash of Saïx's familiar blue hair before it disappears under a black hood, but there's a girl holding the boy's hand and he's letting her, so there's no way it's actually him. Not that I would put it past Saïx to follow me on my first date, but he wouldn't bring a random girl.
"Xi?" Axel still sounds worried, like I got a concussion instead of a twisted ankle. It would be funny if I didn't want to melt from embarrassment.
"I'm fine." It's my turn to sound exasperated. "Just thought I saw… someone."
Together Axel and Terra successfully lift me to my feet, and Axel holds me protectively under his arm, which I can't say is a bad thing. Sora and Kairi, once they realize they're not needed, skate off by themselves.
"So… are we leaving?" Terra asks.
"No," I answer quickly, before Aqua or Axel can try to put words in my mouth. "You guys and Sora and Kairi can keep skating. Axel and I'll go play arcade games or something." I wasn't even really invited in the first place; I'd feel horrible if I ruined their first date together.
"Are you sure?" Aqua asks. "We could always—"
"Yes, I'm sure." She's really too nice for her own good.
"Arcade games it is." Axel grins. "We'll see you two when we see ya."
Aqua looks skeptical; Terra grins back in relief.
"Come on, Aqua. I still have sixty-eight pick-up lines left."
Aqua groans. "Maybe I should've twisted my ankle…"
"Hey, I could make a pick-up line about that!"
I relax a little once my sister and her date are gone, but not much. My ankle still throbs, even with most of my weight supported by Axel and the handrail.
"You gonna need me to carry you?" Axel asks.
"No," I snap back too harshly; he was probably only joking.
His short eyebrows crease in a way I can't help but find adorable, even when I'm frustrated. "Let me guess, I did something stupid and didn't notice."
I sigh, digging the tip of my useless skate into the ice. "Of course you didn't do anything stupid, I just-" My eyes jump to his. "Wait, why would you even ask that?"
He ruffles his hair, laughing that hollow laugh he does before admitting something he doesn't want to. "Well, I make some stupid mistake on just about every date I've been on so far. I was starting to wonder how long it would take tonight… but you said I didn't?"
His confusion makes me laugh. "Sorry to disappoint you, but no. I'm just mad at myself for trying to show off and messing up our date." I frown again. There's a little dent in the ice where I was picking at it. Maybe some other girl's skate will catch on it and she'll twist her ankle and ruin her date. I wish I could un-dent it now.
At first it's so quiet I thought I imagined it, but in a second it's loud enough to hear even if I were on the other wide of the rink – Axel's laughing, no, cackling at me. I guess there is only so long he can without doing something stupid.
"Why are you laughing at me?!"
"No!" Axel raises his hands in innocence, almost falling backwards in the process. And he's still laughing. "I mean– I'm not laughing at you. It's just funny… you actually think you messed anything up? Xi, maybe you haven't noticed, but I'd rather be in the arcade than ice skating any day. Honestly, I don't even like ice skating. Not that I'm glad you hurt yourself, I never wanted you to—" He mumbles something under his breath before finishing, "What I meant was, I only wanted to come because you did."
I stare at him. I stare at his sheepish grin. I stare at his explosion of hair, which is still half-smushed from his last fall. I stare at his bright green eyes, that confusing light in them, but I still can't let myself believe what I hoped. "Then… did you have any fun at all tonight? Or were you just pretending to make me feel better…?
"Xi." He braces his arms on the handrail on both sides of me. His breaths puff out warm and white against the cold air, my cold face. Does he realize how close he is…? My heart obviously does, it's beating faster than Flood runs on his wheel when Vani feeds him sugar. "Who's pretending what? 'cause I'm just as confused as you are. Or maybe neither of us is."
Okay, I thought I was confused earlier, but now I really don't know what he's talking about. Or maybe between the pain in my ankle and his closeness, my brain won't function properly. "I don't get it," I admit, sounding too much like Roxas.
"That's what I mean." He chuckles softly, looking at the ground. "Or maybe I just don't make any sense…"
He's right – he doesn't make any sense. But it's not just what he said; it's how he's acting: arms tense as they grip the railing, eyes glued to the floor, voice as uncertain as mine.
As mine… Could it possibly be that Axel – my best friend, the one I've tried to impress for years, the one I've had a crush on for longer than I knew what that meant – could actually be nervous around me?
I smile, allowing myself to hope, if only for a few moments. "No… I think I might have figured it out."
His hopeful smile mirrors mine, and that's when I stop breathing. His arms relax, pulling him closer to me. I can't feel my legs, much less any pain my ankle might be trying to distract me with. He's leaning in, so slowly I could capture his movements in stop-animation… I'm afraid to look down; my legs must be a puddle of rainbows by now.
Is – is this actually happening? Is he about to – Is this what I've fantasized for as long as I remember—?
I don't get to find out.
A/N: Hopefully I won't take as long with the next chapter as I did with this one, but I won't make any promises I don't know if I can keep. *sweatdrop*
