I'm going to knock out two birds with one stone here, or I should say knock out two fat asses with one treadmill. I'm talking about Mark Henry and Big Daddy V.

Let's start with Big Daddy V. I think one of the greatest signs I've ever seen was "Big Daddy Needs to Wear a Shirt." Damn straight, he does. It's even worse in the locker room since SmackDown and ECW travels together. I always refuse to go into the locker room until I know that Big Daddy V is done. I do not need to see that fucker naked. Hell, I don't want to see that fucker naked. I'd rather chop off my penis. If I saw him naked, my penis probably wouldn't even work anymore. I would be eternally turned off.

I can't believe he has that many tattoos. Are they some pitiful attempt to mask his fat rolls? Clearly, it's not working. And those suspenders are revolting. Can't his fat hold his pants up for him? It's like he raided Urkel's closet and stretched out his clothes. I think he ate Urkel while he was at it, too. Does anybody know what happened to that guy? Exactly.

At least Big Daddy V wore clothes when he was Mabel and Viscera. I have to admit, Viscera's silk pajamas were pretty sweet. I was thinking about getting a pair for myself, but definitely not those purple ones. I was thinking black and red. I was going to steal some of Viscera's because I could have made about ten or twenty pairs for myself with one of his.

Why the hell would Mark Henry want to come back to the WWE? I guess he can't feel anything through his mounds of fat, and the guys just rebound off of him.

Remember when he was Sexual Chocolate? Just because you have brown skin doesn't mean that you can compare yourself to chocolate. There are many unpleasant things that are brown: shit, sewage, rotten apples, old gum under my shoe, John Cena's hair, and cockroaches. Chocolate isn't all that appealing, either.

World's strongest man? I think he's mistaking fat for muscle, which must mean he's an idiot. Either he's very stupid, or extremely talented. I find it very difficult to be able to confuse fat with muscle, so I applaud Mark Henry for that achievement.

Mark Henry should stick to those stupid competitions. I'll knock his fat ass off of his fat feet.

A/N: The recent update on the Survivor Series card is making me very, very happy right now. Tag Team Championships, anyone?

I am very happy. Do not comment on this subject; you'll ruin my mood.

Review.

Santino vs. Hornswoggle