A/N: In honor of my darling Edgie returning to the WWE last night, I will bash Mr. Undertaker. This is something I hadn't intended to do for a long time since I must leave some of the more popular superstars for later. Oh, how I so badly wanted Cody to turn on Holly last night…

Remember, kids, this is the present Edge, so everything that happened at Survivor Series is fair game.

I am awesome. No, really. I am fucking awesome. I am the raddest mother fucker on the face of this pathetic earth. Did you all see what I did last night at Survivor Series? Of course you did. If you didn't, you suck more than John Cena, and I'm sure you'll see it about six thousand times in the coming week. I am so proud of my Rated-R ways right now. I am so hardcore. Undertaker's dumb ass couldn't see it coming, and neither did Batista. That makes it even better! It just shows how much smarter I've gotten in my absence. Who else would have posed as a camera man for the night? I'll tell you that no one would have been smart enough to pull that one off.

I know what you're asking: Why Undertaker? I'll tell you why: It's because, as I am once again reminding you, I am not an idiot. It will be much easier for me to get my title back from Batista than it will be from Undertaker. Don't get me wrong; Undertaker sucks and is the most overrated piece of Cena crap ever. Okay, I lied. Cena is the most overrated piece of the nastiest substance on earth, but let's get over that for a minute. I should have said that Undertaker is the most overrated thing on SmackDown, besides maybe Rey Mysterio. Undertaker doesn't scare me. He can roll his eyes in the back of his head all he wants. He looks like a fucking retard of acid when he does that. Either that or he looks like he passed out from all the anal Batista's been giving him lately.

I honestly believe that Undertaker's Wrestlemania streak is a fluke. There is no way that someone can remain undefeated at Wrestlemania for that long. Even I may lose someday when I'm old. Don't even say that I lost at Wrestlemania 23, because I didn't. You can't lose that match. You either win or you don't. There is no clear cut winner. Besides, it shouldn't count as a loss anyways. I was wrongfully taken out of that match against my will. That's not my fault. Damnit, Randy Orton. You're supposed to be the "Legend Killer," but you couldn't even beat Undertaker at Wrestlemania. You. Suck. Major. Ass. And you wonder why I ditched you…Yet, I have a feeling that if I have my way, I will be the one facing Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Actually, that's if things don't go my way. I will get that blasted title from Batista, and then Undertaker is going to whine and cry about how I screwed him over. Duh. It was Survivor Series, and screwing people over is the Canadian way. Anyways, since Undertaker is Vince's little bitch, he'll get his stupid shot at Wrestlemania. I'll break that blasted streak. I'm undefeated, too, shit heads.

Undertaker is still living of his fame from tossing Mick Foley off of the cell. What the hell? It seems that Mick Foley is our little punching bag, but hey. Okay, I think that spearing Mick Foley through a BURNING TABLE is much more impressive than picking him up and throwing him down twenty feet and making him crash into the announce table. Where was the danger for Undertaker? Nowhere. I could have died. Did Undertaker have any wounds from tossing a fat man? No, he didn't. I had second degree burns, damnit. That is the meaning of hardcore. Undertaker is a pussy. He wouldn't know the meaning of hardcore even if John Cena told him that he wanted to show him his hardcore homosexuality. Here we go with the "H-Squared" thing again.

Undertaker needs new ring gear. That leotard is ridiculous. He looks like an emo ballerina without the tutu. I bet Undertaker would like a frilly tutu. With that hair, and a tutu, he'd look like one of those ridiculous show dogs, but just a horrendously ugly version of one.

I really think that Undertaker is emo. Seriously. He needs help. He wears all black, and his taunt has him imitating the act of cutting himself. I know that it's not in the right place, but where he imitates that causes like, instant death. Please, 'Taker, I don't need to send another one of you to the mental institution, but I might have to.

Remember when Undertaker rode his motorcycle out to the ring? At least that was cool. Now his entrance just sucks. His theme is boring. I still don't understand why it takes him twenty-five years to walk down to the ring. I didn't know that the entrance themes were allowed to be that long. He acts like he's psyching out his opponent, but in reality, he's putting them to sleep. That's how he wins all the time. He is simply that boring.

I don't care what you traditionalists say, but in a few years, we're all going to be saying "Undertaker who?" Don't fret, because I will still be around, kicking ass.

And since I am back, you now all actually have a reason to watch SmackDown. And don't tell me you're not going to, because I am going to revel in my awesomeness reeking self when the ratings skyrocket.

A/N: Sorry if I offended you in any way with the emo comment. I understand that is not the meaning of emo, just the stereotype. I've been called emo many times in my life, so I understand.