A/N: Still no success on the fic sending…I might have to send it via e-mail, or the myspace suggestion. We'll see.
I put up that rated M story I was asked to write…I don't now how I feel about it yet.
You "command" me to bash Kevin Thorn? You do not command me to do anything. I do the commanding around here, and I command you to listen to me make fun of people. The funny thing is that you all will. And I command you to watch me make my return to SmackDown this Friday. How will I repay you for your forceful words? I'm going to bash Ashley instead.
I think it's kind of sad that Ashley thinks she's so hardcore punk. Because, you know, giving out your phone number on national television certainly makes you "hardcore." (Edge rolls his eyes). Yeah, that was called sarcasm, dumbasses. Have you seen pictures of her from before she became a Diva? She had light blonde hair and not an ounce of punk in her. Po-ser. Wasn't she one of those annoying Hawaiian Tropics girls? You know what Hawaiian Tropics does besides produce terrible suntan lotion? They make hideous girls believe that they're hot. There is no market for that anywhere in the world. The only thing worse than a hot chick that thinks she's ugly is an ugly chick that thinks she's hot. That makes me sick.
I heard that her Playboy issue was one of the worst selling ones ever. Apparently, I am not alone in thinking that she sucks and is horrendously ugly.
I don't blame the tribe for voting Ashley off of Survivor. I wouldn't want her to be around, either. Hell, I don't want her around now! I wish we could vote people off of SmackDown. Of course, I'd always be the tribe leader or whatever you call it. I'd slowly kick off everyone until I was the only one left. I mean, come on. If I was on the show by myself, it would be the greatest show ever. Everyone would line up for weeks, no years, to see it. They should give me my own show. "The Cutting Edge" doesn't count. That was just the best thirty seconds on television all week before some jackass interrupted it.
I hate fat chicks, but I think that Ashley might just be a bit too skinny. I thought I heard the Divas saying that they always heard her puking…No wonder her teeth are gross. I think those horrid lip rings are decoration for her mouth. She thinks that they will distract onlookers from her nasty chops. It ain't working, sweetheart. Maybe I'll have Lita come back and rip those piercings right out of her lips.
Another reason I can't stand Ashley: She dated Matt Hardy. If I can't stand Matt, do you honestly think that I'd be able to stand his girlfriend? The answer is no. I don't care if she's not together anymore. Although it was a short relationship, Ashley has been tainted for life.
The only smart thing Ashley ever did was align herself with Trish Stratus. Even though I hate Trish for all that shit with Lita, I have to admit that she has won major points with me simply by being from Canada. That's about it.
You are the idiots that put Ashley in the WWE. Don't come crying to me when you start bawling after you read this because I made fun of your perfect little princess. Hey, at least I'll admit that she's better than Layla.
Ashley is one of the many reasons that I was almost slightly glad that I was gone for so long. Granted, she was "suspended." Who cares? This is what they should have done to Ashley after being voted off Survivor: They should have bound her to the Great Wall of China. Are you aware of how funny that would be? I would of course video tape the whole ordeal. Jeez, I am going to have quite the video collection soon. Anyways, just imagine it. Ashley: bound to the dark, cold stone wall as icy rain pours down on her. To keep her warm, the Chinese throw rice at her and then send the legendary dragon on her. That makes me smile.
I'm sending a memo to the WWE: Next time they want to let the fans pick a Diva, don't.
A/N: Looking back, I think this may just be the most hilarious thing ever to be written, or at least so I've been told.
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