A/N: Okay, Mickie James.
I would like you all to know that Mickie is my favorite Diva.
Mickie James is a lesbian. Don't argue with me and say that she is with Kenny Dykstra. Have you seen her in the ring? She. Is. A. Lesbian. How do I know? Just take a look at her matches. She is always starting at the other girls' chests. She was obsessed with Trish Stratus. She kisses other girls before she kicks their heads off.
Don't get me wrong. Usually, seeing two girls kiss is usually hot. But with Mickie James, she just ruins the whole thing. It's just wrong. If she wants to practice her lesbianism, she should do it behind closed doors where I don't have to see it. It's revolting.
Besides, she looks like a rat. Seriously. Haven't you noticed? She really does look like a fucking mouse. That's horrible. If I looked like an animal as dirty as a fucking rodent, I'd have to jump in front of a train like that Asian chick from Hostel after she saw her face. If for some reason suicide rates skyrocket and all the victims got hit by trains, Mickie James is to blame.
Another reason I believe that Mickie James is a dyke: She "goes out" with Kenny Dykstra. Even his last name gives her away. And he used to be a cheerleader. I know that Kenny is gay, so I think that they pretty much just have lovely gay bashes all the time in their hotel room. They call up all of their sinning friends and have nice gay parties. They only say that they're dating to cover it up.
As much as I love to chronicle the humiliation of my enemies via video tape, I would never wish to video tape one of their gay bashes. I think my eyes would implode into my skull and ricochet off of my brain. That is something that I don't want to think about right now, or ever.
Why does she feel the need to kiss her enemy before kicking them? I mean, sure, Lita used to kiss her victims, but Lita was hot enough for both girls. Besides, Lita didn't suck like Mickie James, either. At least Lita had an original finisher. Mickie James stole both of her finishers from other Divas. She stole the "Mick Kick," which is a horrible name by the way, from Trish Stratus, and she stole the DDT from Lita. Mickie James's DDT is a glorified piece of shit. She just makes it look somewhat better by not doing a standard DDT. At least Lita's had some power behind it that could really knock a bitch out.
Mickie picks the worst people to team up with. First, she teamed with Cody Rhodes, another DDT shit bag. Then she headed down with Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Disgusting. Does she want to lose? The only good thing that she did with those two fuckbags was make fun of Melina. That was hilarious. It would have been more hilarious if I did it, though. I'm the only one who can make you fuckers laugh with like two words.
Now Mickie is pretending to like Trevor Murdoch. Please. That is the worst person to pretend to like if you're trying to pretend that you're straight. Somehow, I think that Mickie is secretly trying to let us know that she's a lesbian by going after these horrible men. Well, we all know that she's a lesbian already, so she really has nothing to hide anymore.
If you're going to stalk a girl, why would you waste your time on Trish Stratus? Ew. I could understand if it was Lita, but besides her, no one else is worth your time.
How is Mickie a Diva? You have to be in shape to be here. Mickie is a fucking fat ass. The only reason she changed her ring gear all of a sudden was because it made her look less fat. I still think she looks fat, though. She is fat.
Instead of calling the insane asylum to take Mickie James away, I'll do her a favor. I'll call Weight Watchers and set her up.
A/N: I shouldn't try to write while watching "Big Daddy." Never a good combination.
