Ed, Edd, n Eddy: The Sweet Escape
Chapter 2: Revenge of the Poor Writing
By The Best Kind of Stupid
When we last left our heroes, Eddy was about to make flambé with a giant yellow balloon by riding it like a cowboy while Double D played second fiddle to a banana at the Grand Symphry Orchestra while seven thousand birds took off and dropped rocks on Ed's head. We now continue our story.
Double D ran back to the spaceship where the other kids were, trying to escape the moon-men-guys-people-ehh-whatever… from the cartoon. The moon men unleashed the aliens from Crash Bandicoot 2 on them. Okay, so they weren't the real Crash 2 aliens, but they were looked exactly the same.
Double D managed to compose himself long enough to successfully insert the key into the spaceship door and blast off. Along the way, they had to dodge meteors, comets, space-trash, and artificially-made satellites.
Kevin scooted to his left kicking Eddy out of the driver's seat and said, "I'll pilot this thing."
1 nanosecond later…
The kids had gotten so lost with Kevin in such a short period of time that they were now on the planet Sram. Sram was a very versatile planet, in the way that there were many difference landscapes much like Earth, but not very much like Earth. As you will see as this story unfolds, this planet was very different. They landed in a desert with a grassy area just to the west, an ice land just a few miles east, a sea just to the northeast, and a swamp just to the southeast.
Kevin can be seen lying on a cactus. Sarah can be seen landed on a rock, and Nazz can be seen on a mattress. Eddy, however, was not as lucky as the others who were left miraculously uninjured. Eddy scraped his knee. Why are you laughing? I'm serious, dagnabbit. I'm not joking. This is my job.
Anyway, Eddy laid unconscious with his face on a rock while lying on his stomach. A strange and mysterious figure approached him. We see his shadow and a stick poking Eddy gently 3 times. We see the same stick hit Eddy a bit more harshly 5 more times. We then see it whomp him on the head. Eddy wakes up and says "Hey! Why don't I stick my foot right…!" We see a blonde-haired, green-eyed boy with yellow shorts and an orange shirt. He says to our heroes "Hi there." Eddy just sits there amazed. He remembered that he had been abducted by aliens prior to crash-landing, but at that very moment he noticed another boy, a teenager.
Double D then said "Um, hello. Do you happen to know which planet we're *hi-eeh*" He stopped never finishing. It was at that moment that Double D realized that he was in way over his head. What's that? Why don't I know what happened at Rolf's if I know what was going on inside Double D's head. I'm the author; that' why!
"You're on the planet Sram," he said happily.
"Sram?" Double D repeated confused. He had never heard of the planet Sram. Then again, he had never heard of any planet outside of the known solar system. Sram was Mars spelled backwards he thought, but why? Why would there be such an amazing coincidence.
"Yeah, Sram," he said with a smile, "the planet of the extreme biomes."
"Is this your home planet?" Eddy asked.
"Heck, no!" he said continuing with that same happy tune. "I was born on Earth (wiggles fingers slowly) in another dimension (stops wiggling fingers). Let me tell you the story. I was in the kitchen in my home in America when I discovered a wormhole. Naturally, I tried to alert the media when I fell into its gravitational pull, which seemed to only attract me. There I was on the planet Vunes, with nothing but… hey, you look familiar."
Double D froze for a second. "I do," he said.
The figure said, "Yeah, I can't quite put my finger on it… I know, you're Ed, Edd, n Eddy. I've seen your show on T.V. Hey, it is you, isn't it?"
Double D said "Well, yes, but…" He stopped, once again not finishing.
"Well, that's AWESOME!" the boy said. "Can I have your autograph?"
"Yeah, but it'll cost ya 25 cents." Eddy said slyly, while placing his elbows on Double D's head with an evil smirk on his face.
"Wow, what a bargain," the boy said.
"Fifty cents."
"Still a bargain" the boy said.
"A dollar."
The boy then handed him a bill and said "Here take 5." Eddy just smiles.
Double D asked the boy, "How do you know us?"
The boy smiled and said, "Your show is one of the most popular shows on Cartoon Network rivaling that of SpongeBob on Nickelodean, which is ironic since both your shows came out around the same time. Hmm. Anyway, you are the some of the greatest characters of all time; it's an honor to meet all of you. Especially, you Ed."
Kevin then stands up, just now waking up from his unconscious state and clears his throat. "Yeah?" the kid said.
"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Kevin says implying himself.
"Oh, yeah, Nazz." He said
"No, a certain boy who looks to be about 12 to 14 years old?" Kevin half-asked, half-stated.
"Johnny?" the boy asked curiously.
Kevin then said a little annoyed, "He's a cartoon legend."
"Seth MacFarland" the boy said.
Kevin then screamed at the top of his lungs, "I'M TALKING ABOUT ME! AREN'T YOU GLAD TO SEE ME!?"
The boy then said with his eyes half-opened in sly manner "About as glad as I am to get a deadly disease." The boy and Eddy then laughed.
Kevin then said, "Surely you have some friends who like me…"
The boy said, "What does their opinion matter; they're the kind who plant poison ivy." Eddy and the kid then do the Heckler laugh again.
"OK. Surely there's somebody who likes me."
"So what? There are some people who liked World War II" the kid said. Eddy and he do the heckler laugh one more time.
Eddy then said, "Hold on I got one. What's a five-letter word for loser nobody likes?"
The kid says "I don't know. What is a five-letter word for loser nobody likes?"
Eddy then says, "Kevin… HA HA… heh? Nothing?" He then realized his joke was not funny.
Kevin grabs Eddy and says "You're gonna get a poundin'."
"Put the boy down," the kid said through a megaphone, "I have a working laser gun."
Kevin then said, "Yeah, right." The boy turns up the power on his ray gun and fires it at a nearby mountain. The mountain is destroyed in a fire explosion. Jimmy was shaking after waking up a half-minute earlier.
"The next one won't be a warning shot," he said seriously.
"Yes, sir." Kevin said nervously, shaking more than Jimmy.
"Good," he said, with the same serious tone.
"I like this guy." Eddy said, ecstatic
"Come on. I'll show you freedom," the boy said, in a much more casual tone.
Sarah then said, "And why should we trust you?" At this point, everyone was awake.
"Look around," he said. Everyone looked in different directions with no sign of civilization anywhere.
"Good point," Sarah said, giving in for what may be the first time in her life.
Later, in the jungle area of the desert. …which is kind of stupid, but all right…
Kevin asked a bit concerned, "Say, um, Mr. leader, sir, do you know when we'll arrive at this city you talked about earlier." They were crossing a river by walking over a tree that collapsed forming a bridge.
"Just a little bit further," the boy said, pushing a leaf out of his way, "by the way, the name's Jack, Jack Tanks."
Next Time: Rowley Jefferson writes this awful story and does a better job than thebestkindofstupid.
