A/N: I'm fighting writer's block on my other story, so I'm attempting this. You have all once again failed me on my average reviews. Sigh This is ridiculous. Yet, I continue on like nothing is wrong. And I do think that Flair is amazing.
In honor of Ric Flair returning to RAW tonight, I think I shall speak my amazing little mind on him. How old is he now, like ninety-six? That's a bit too old to still be around. Of course, I'd be able to do it no problem. Ric just sucks.
Flair has a vagina head. Now, before you start laughing your ugly little asses off because you thought that line was brilliant, let me explain its brilliance. It's because he bleeds out of his head more than a woman does on her time of the month. You know it's true. I could lightly poke his forehead with a thumbtack and I would drown in blood. Not even Moses could part that red sea. I'd probably get AIDS, though, since Ric claims to have slept with like a zillion chicks. If Ric has AIDS, it's not because of that. It's because when AIDS first started, it was a disease within the gay community. And since Ric was around when AIDS first started…I think he's the first person to have contracted it.
Does Ric even have any muscles left? Or did they deteriorate with the rest of his rickety body? His pectoral muscles look like two empty pillow cases billowing in the wind. Also, his stomach is that of a pregnant woman. Take a look at it if you don't believe me. It billows out like he ate a globe or something. I wouldn't doubt that.
Why doesn't Ric just accept the fact that he's old? He still feels the need to bleach his hair blonde all the time. Does he not realize that the gray will not go away? It's a part of life. Of course I will never get gray hair because I'm much more awesome than all of you. We already have Mr. Kennedy running around as a bottle blonde, and we don't need his ninety year old twin.
If I didn't know that Ric had AIDS, I'd have sworn that he was the ninety year old virgin.
And remember when that obnoxious "Sign Guy" made that sign about Lita that claimed that she was the spokes model for Trojan? Well, that is not true. RIC FLAIR is the spokes model for Trojan. He can be the person who says that it is very important for gays to use condoms, as well. I'm just looking out for everyone's safety, here. After all, I do care about the well being of my Edgeheads.
Four Horsemen? Okay, no matter how bad Randy Orton is, Rated-RKO could have kicked their asses any day. Is Ric honestly still living off that glory? That's ridiculous. He should know when to quit. He had like one good thing and now he thinks that he's god's gift to wrestling. Edge is god's gift to wrestling. I've done more for the business than Ric ever has. All he's done is bleed a lot. I've revolutionized the ladder match, ended John Cena's title reign, pinned Undertaker to win the World Heavyweight Championship…the list goes on and on. I don't care if Ric was a "sixteen time wooo heavyweight champion." I. Don't. Care. Why should I? I know that I'm better. So Ric likes to brag about his number of championships? Oh dear, we've got another Triple H running around.
Ric is old. Ric sucks. Ric is gay.
Don't even get me started on that "woo" thing. You know how he started off with that? The first time he ever took it from behind, that's the sound me made.
A/N: I just updated three stories in like half an hour. I'm tired now, and will be gallivanting to the mall.
