A/N: Fuck RAW tonight. Fuck it.
King is a pedophile. Have you seen the faces he makes when the Divas come out? I think that's disturbing to see. Do you know why? It's because when the oldest Diva was born, King was like fifty years old. Even when Beth Phoenix comes out, King gets a hard on. Why do you think he chooses to hide behind the announcer's table all the time? If King can so easily get a hard on off of Beth Phoenix, it certainly makes me question his sexuality.
Do not give me this bullshit about disrespecting Hall of Fame legends. Do I care? No. Does Jerry Lawler deserve my respect? Hell no. The only reason that I'm giving you assholes the pleasure of listening to me rant about him is because he's still technically on the roster.
It appears as if losers like Jerry Lawler are notorious for coining useless phrases such as "puppies." I think that Jerry Lawler should be arrested for the misuse and mistreatment of animals. That is no way to reference an animal. In case you didn't know, Lita and I were very passionate about PETA. I even played for the Humane Society when I was on Weakest Link, damnit! I find that so wrong. And you people thought that Edge had no heart. Of course I have a heart. It just doesn't beat for any of you nimrods.
You know how they say that Mick Foley is the king of the cheap pop? I think that Jerry here might be giving him a run for his money. Jerry Lawler should not even be considered popular for what he does. He tries to knock out low card wrestlers to boost his own popularity. Because, you know, "beating the crap" out of Santino Marella after Chris Jericho already had his way with him really makes you look cool. I think that Jerry Lawler just likes Italian men. Hey, that makes two! Cena, King, and Santino can all have a gay threesome together. Again, I would not video tape it.
Do you see the look on King's face when any Diva comes out to the ring? It's odd. It looks like he's high, drunk, stoned, and about to puke at the same time. That is the look of obvious forced pleasure. He doesn't really think that those girls are pretty. Who would? He's attempting to hide his homosexuality, just like all of the other guys in back. Am I the only real dude in back? I speak my mind. You always know how Edge feels. Don't say that I fool you when I trick people. It's not my fault that you idiots are stupid enough to fall for my devious plots.
There is a reason that Jerry Lawler doesn't wrestle anymore. They won't let him. Why? No one wants to see him in that leotard with his nasty chest hair hanging out. That's why Jerry feels the need to attack everyone. It's the only way he can get a "good" "fight" in while not burning out the eyes of the world. Maybe you Americans like that kind of thing. Normal men in Canada sure don't. Even the ladies don't. Edge is the perfect poster boy for male perfection in Canada. Remember that.
I think I'll dress up as King next year for Halloween instead of whoever I previously said I was going to do. That would scare not only small children, but also men and women. The more people I scare, the more fun I have. That makes me happy. When Edge is happy, the world is happy. When Edge is upset, the world cries. Don't upset Edge. That's why your homes are destroyed in tornadoes and hurricanes and other natural disasters. Blame Jerry Lawler. It makes things easier. It's what I do!
A/N: I was inspired to do this after King got a cheap shot on Santino after his match with Jericho. Not cool.
