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A/N: Part of a challenge.

If You Dare: 548. Dead Eyes

Are You Crazy Enough?: 578: (word) Disgust.


2 June 1995

Dear Help,

I woke up 15 minutes earlier than I did yesterday, so I could have breakfast ready sooner. I knew it didn't really matter since I'd be getting punished for something today- whether it was my existence or my lack of a good attitude, I didn't know, but it would happen.

I felt sore from the flogging the night before and winced as I changed my clothes. By the time I got to the stairs, I was almost used to the pain, but it returned when my foot slipped on the last step. I froze to listen if anybody heard, but it appeared I was safe for the time being.

I started making waffles and hash browns for the family. I considered for a moment to try and take something to eat, but knew I would only be caught and assaulted more severely. I sighed. It'd barely been 24 hours, and I was already wishing for food. I'm so pathetic.

The more I allowed my thoughts to wander, the worse they got. They kept going in a circle. Voldemort, Cedric, Ron and Hermione, Sirius and back to Voldemort.

I wondered if Hermione was with the Weasley's. Probably. And they probably haven't even considered inviting me. I'm a burden to them. One extra mouth to feed. Not to mention all the trouble that comes along with me at any given place. Even at the Dursley's I'm always causing trouble.

I wished my parents were still alive...

Just as I was thinking that, I heard footsteps from the stairs and was pleased that I already had food on the table and was starting the dishes. I knew better than to keep my hopes up though. I saw Dudley first with Aunt Petunia on his tail, fussing over something on a fancy suit he was wearing. Then Uncle Vernon trudged in and looked at me suspiciously, as if he thought I did magic to get the food done quicker. I gave him an innocent look, hoping he'd spare me for now. He grumbled and sat down to eat without a word. Relief swept over me like a tidal wave.

After they finished eating breakfast, I started doing the dishes they used to eat with and heard them all start to leave. "BOY!" I turned off the sink and shuffled into the hall by the door and waited for my instructions. Uncle Vernon faced me and said, "Today is Dudley's cousin Gregory's birthday. We will be gone all day and you had better have the place spotless for guests when we return."

I nodded and said quietly, "Yes, sir," before retreating to the kitchen to start on everything. If there are guests coming tonight, most likely they will be Vernon's family and will use me as a toy, I thought, no matter what I do, I will not get off any better or worse by having the place clean.

But I tried my hardest anyway. Mostly because I've learned to not see cleaning as a chore, but rather something that needs to be done. I actually enjoy cleaning now, because it gets my mind off of the wizarding world. Whenever I clean, I focus all my energy into the task at hand so as to prevent negligence and thoughts. When I clean, I never allow myself to think. I only allow myself to do the job. And I do it.

I started by dusting everything down. I dusted every surface in the house. I swept and mopped all the hard floors and vacuumed the carpets. I picked up things laying around the kitchen, living room and dining room. I tidied up Dudley's room to the best of my ability. I went outside and trimmed the hedges and weeded the garden. I watered the plants and grass. I mowed the lawn. I did as much as I could and even managed a water break and drank from the hose.

However, sure enough, my uncle got home, and I was not finished with straightening the garden yet. His family hopped out of the car next to his and looked disgustedly at me. I felt insecure in their gaze, mostly because I wanted to feel accepted by people. And they never accepted me.

I looked away as Vernon began to walk in my direction. I'm dragged into the living room and threw me on the floor. He kicked me around and mumbled, "Get up, you lazy boy." I struggled to my feet just to be shoved back to the ground by Aunt Marge. I groaned from the pain and heard gasps all around me. Were they really that surprised that she pushed me?

I found out no when Aunt Marge turned purple in her face and hit me repeatedly with a belt Vernon had just brought in. "How dare you groan about having to do chores boy! How dare you groan about being punished properly! You have been given much grace by Vernon and Petunia. They have allowed a thing like you stay in their home! And you complain about having to do a little bit of work to stay?" She was yelling by the end of her speech and slapped me harder as she went on. When she finally stopped she was purple everywhere and I was curled in a ball at her feet sobbing silently.

The family sat down in chairs in the living room while Uncle Vernon dragged me up to my room and tossed me on the floor. Without a word he locked me in.

And now, here I am.


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