A/N: As I write, I am in tears. My little sister has just informed me that my father does not want to see me over Christmas. Do I blame him? No, I really don't. Actually, it wasn't him. It was his she-devil wife. I hate that woman more than anything. My hate for her nearly surpasses my love of wrestling. I ran away to their home almost a year ago. At Thanksgiving, I told my father not to get me anything for Christmas when he asked what I wanted. He was okay with that. My step-mom found out, and her response was "well then I don't want her to come to Christmas." Fuck that fucking bitch. My aunts are going to snap on her. And I will laugh.
What can I say about Jeff Hardy? Well, I'll tell you that it isn't much. I don't think very highly of Jeff Hardy. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Matt Hardy is more of a man than Jeff Hardy is. Why? At least Matt has some balls, although they clearly aren't very noticeable. Jeff Hardy does nothing.
I'll start on the hair since that's what he's the most famous for. That's pretty weak if your trademark thing is your hair. My trademark thing is kicking the ass of America and the world with a ten foot ladder. I enjoy that. Does Jeff Hardy actually enjoy being compared to a rainbow? That is the most blatant use of homosexuality I've ever heard. JR is an idiot, and even he can realize that Jeff Hardy likes to play with fire. When I say that, I mean that Jeff Hardy is a flamer. I like to use metaphors a lot because they prove that I'm smarter than you ass chumps. I understand them and you don't. Ha. I think I would have to jump off of a bunch of ladders too if I were called "The Rainbow Haired Warrior." That's the worst nickname ever. "The Rated-R Superstar" has a nice ring to it. I do not want to be anything close to a rainbow, nor do I want to be a warrior. When I think of a warrior, I think of the Ultimate Warrior, and that is never a good thing. Either I think of that or some creep Greek guy is a loincloth. Sickening. That's Jeff Hardy's cup of tea, not mine.
One of the greatest spears I've ever pulled off was on Jeff Hardy. It was at Wrestlemania X-7 in that TLC match. Christian and I rocked hardcore, of course. We totally won that match. I remember that Jeff Hardy was trying to walk across three ladders to the title belts, thinking he was all cool and stuff. Me being smart, I waited in the wings for my opportunity. I almost broke a rib from laughing so hard when that last ladder fell. He thought he was so badass. I am badass. It was so funny watching Jeff Hardy squirm around like a bug trapped in a spider's web when he dangled from the title belts. It was hilarious! Of course, I had to ruin the fun for myself and give you viewers a treat. 'Tis the giving season this time of year, after all. I climbed up that all too forgotten ladder and then leaped across the ring, spearing Jeff Hardy and bringing him crashing down to the mat. No one else but me could have pulled off that kind of stunt. Do not mock me and talk about how great the Swanton Bomb is. A fucking five year old could do the Swanton Bomb. I see all those little girls to it in their gymnastics competitions in the Olympics. It's not that difficult. I could easily pull off a weak ass stunt like that. I just choose not to. I refuse to pull myself down to the level of Jeff Hardy.
Another thing about his hair: Men are not supposed to change their hair color and definitely not that frequently. He changes hair color more often than I change condoms, and that's a lot.
He really does look like Vanilla Ice. Isn't he proud of that or something? I think I'd shoot myself. Vanilla Ice was a one hit wonder, kind of like Jeff Hardy.
What's up with the facial hair? Your face is not some sort of sculpture. Use a razor like a normal person. It looks like Jeff Hardy got in a fight with a razor blade…and lost.
Why do women still like him? I mean, it's not that obvious, but JR really makes a good point of it. I think that JR might like Jeff…
Jeff Hardy is not a little rock star. Edge is more of a rock star than anyone on the damn roster. Just because Jeff has a band doesn't make him cool. It's probably him, Matt, Shannon Moore, and Gregory Helms. Ten bucks say that they just go to Shannon's broken down house and play that stupid Rock Band game like a bunch of nerds. Jeff is probably the singer since he has no talent to play an instrument. Matt is the bass player because no one cares about them. Shannon probably plays the guitar so he can pretend he's cool. Helms is definitely the drummer.
A/N: A couple of new fics up. Hit up the profile page.
I'm running out of steam…slowly, but surely. I refuse to disappoint, though.
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