She was nervous. It was ridiculous. She had never been nervous about speaking her mind to anyone in her long, long, life. But she was nervous about pushing that button and speaking to Balem face to face for the first time in a century.
She bit her lip and pushed. Before long he was there in front of her on the FTL screen, looking just as regal and beautiful as ever, her best boy, her green-eyed son, lover, business partner and companion. She knew she didn't look like he remembered. Her face was lined and her hair was grey. She was old, for the first time in 90,000 years.
"Mother..!" he said, shocked. She smiled at him.
"Hello stranger," she said softly. "It's been too long. But I had to know my own mind before I could speak with you."
He cut her off. "I see the rumours are true. I am coming to you mother, do not do anything until I'm there." The screen went blank. Seraphi sighed. She had hoped to avoid a face-to-face confrontation. She hoped he would understand.
He strode "Mother, we must get you into a bath at once." Balem signalled to his mother's retainers with no result; they simply looked to Seraphi, who shook her head and dismissed them.
"Take a walk with me, Balem." she said tenderly, taking his arm. He allowed himself to be led out onto the terrace. Mother's view was quite stunning, every hill and forest artfully terraformed for her by the best landscape artists. Balem couldn't take it in though, he was astonished at his mother's appearance, astonished she would refuse a regeneration, angry and combative and, deep down farther than even he knew, secretly delighted.
She turned to face him. "My dearest, I'm so tired. Perhaps I understand now why our family has never been prone to offspring." She laughed at his serious expression. "Please don't take it personally Balem. I've put so much work into you all, and into Abrasax Industries, it's time to let it go." She reached up and placed a tender hand on his cheek. "I can only do this because of the trust I have in you, you know," she whispered. "You won't let me down."
Balem swallowed. "So you've decided to die, mother?" he said calmly, and Seraphi nodded, looking relieved.
"Yes. I have perhaps two decades left. I want no more recodes and no more Nectar. I'll be free and, of course, when I die you'll have your inheritance." She raised an eyebrow. "You can't tell me that doesn't soften the blow just a little."
Balem felt his cheeks colouring, panic rising, and horror that she could know even this about him, his deepest and most shaming thoughts. "Mother, you cannot say that," he whispered "I can't be without you, you know it. I know we've been apart lately, but I waited every hour for the command to return to your side!" He bared his teeth for a moment, anger and grief threatening to break his self-control.
Seraphi didn't rise to it. She looked sadly up at him. "Oh, my dearest, I never meant for you to be so dependent on me." He shook off her hand on his arm.
"But I am, mother, I am, just as you depend on me. What if I was leaving you? How would that make you feel? How do you think I feel, hearing this?" he grabbed her by the shoulders, forgetting that she was frail and hadn't half the strength she had when they fought last.
Finally she was rising to his anger. She tried to push him away. "How you feel? Please try to have a little understanding! Do you think it's easy to run a business like ours and at the same time wrangle three children, all of whom have ambition of their own, all of whom would step over each other to gain a little property? I am tired of it. I'm coming to hate it! I'm coming to hate my life, Balem."
His nostrils flared. His green eyes were full of tears. "How can you say that mother? How can you say that you hate us, when you've always professed most ardently to love us?"
"I don't hate you Balem, you're twisting my words-" She tried to shake him off again, but his grip was firm.
"I cannot watch you fade mother," he said, his voice calm, though his cheeks flared red and his grip on her shoulders was hurting her. "It is not within my power to do, you cannot ask it of me". He dragged her back towards the door. "We will get your recoded and into a bath and you will think better of this".
She struggled, summoning surprising strength, and slaps him hard on the cheek. He paid no mind to this, but when she grabbed his chin and forced him to look into her eyes he could do nothing but be caught in her arresting stare. "If you do this, Balem, please understand that you will have lost me all the same. This is not your decision to make."
He said nothing for a long minute, and then loosened his grip on her. She sagged slightly, not willing to relax yet, and he put a tender hand on her throat. He tried to speak and couldn't find the words, his mouth working in anguish, and she looked at him with pity in her eyes.
"It's for the best darling. I want to go, I must go, and I need you to help me. I need you to let me go." There were tears standing out in her eyes too, and she took a shaky breath. "Will you help me, my darling boy?"
He blinked, tears on his cheeks, and nodded almost imperceptibly. "I cannot watch you fade." He said again, and tightened his grip on her throat, and he thought of his inheritance, and he thought of her best planet, and he sobbed as he held her tightly to him and choked the life out of her.
