Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!
A/N: Part of two challenges.
If You Dare: 238: Are You Talking to Me?
Are You Crazy Enough?: 557: (title) Pale Nightmares.
8 July 1995
Dear Help,
Today started when I woke up to something screaming and my mouth feeling like it was on fire. You could hardly call it a scream. It was so sickening and unhuman-like it sounded more like a child being burned at the stake. Then as I realized it was me screaming the pain intensified to where I thought I passed out. The reason I say I thought is that I heard the sound stop and then my eyes opened suddenly to see Sirius, Ron, Hermione and several other people standing around me. I was panting as though I had just run a marathon and my heart was racing.
I looked around anxiously at all the faces and felt myself cower back stupidly. I mentally kicked myself. These were my friends. They wouldn't hurt me. All the same, I was shaking and flinched when Sirius leaned in just a little. He looked stung, but Mrs. Weasley- bless her heart- knew exactly what was happening. She started moving people back and out of the room. "All right, give him some space. He's fine." She kept corralling people out until it was only Sirius and her. She even kicked out Ron and Hermione.
When she turned back to me I gave her a grateful look. Sirius had fallen onto a seat beside my bed and looked ancient. I immediately felt a wave of guilt run through me at the thought I was the source of all his stress. I wanted to apologize or at least give him some sign of regret, but his face was in his hands. I felt my bottom lip tremble. I didn't want him to feel sad for me. I didn't want him to worry about me. He had a lot of issues of his own. Such as the fact that he was wanted at this very moment. He was a convicted murder even though he wasn't. He'd spent 14 years in Azkaban. And he got out just to have to deal with me. He couldn't even go outside without risking his soul being sucked out of him! Why should he have to worry about me?
"Sirius Black, you had better pull yourself together before I hex you into next Wednesday!" Mrs. Weasley suddenly shouted making us both jump, "All you do is sulk around and look as though you'll never be able to be able to see the sun again. Well, guess what? All of your negativity and wallowing is rubbing off on Harry. He will never get better with you looking so hopeless all the time. So, either get your act together or stay away from Harry, because I actually want him to get better."
Sirius glared sharply at Mrs. Weasley at her last words. "You think I don't want him to be able to talk? All I want is for him to be able to grow up and be successful in life! I just want him to be happy. And I don't wallow around."
"No, you want James back. You want him to grow up and be your best friend just like James was," Mrs. Weasley retorted.
Sirius stood up quickly at this, but I was faster. Without looking at either of them I stormed from the room, tears streaming down my face. Now they were fighting over me. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want anyone to fight about me. I just wanted to defeat Voldemort and live happily ever after. But now, my happily ever after had been taken away with my tongue. I had no way of expressing anything to anyone. I was helpless. And I had no chance against Voldemort now. None at all.
I grabbed my jacket, slid into my tennis shoes and hurried out the door. I heard someone call my name, but I ignored them. I didn't care where I was going, I just needed to go somewhere far away from there for the time being. I was well aware that everyone would be worried about me and start panicking, but right now I didn't care. I needed to be alone so badly.
I walked for about an hour turning corners randomly and just walking where ever my feet led me. However, I noticed I was growing steadily colder and I noticed that the air felt very depressed and I felt my little happiness begin to slip away. The sky, already dark from the prospect of rain, seemed to darken. I went to grab my wand from my back pocket only to realize I'd left if on my nightstand. Alarm shot through me and I realized how stupid it was for me to leave without my wand. I looked around anxiously and noticed at the corner of the street ahead of me two dementors gliding around. They hadn't noticed me yet, but it was only a matter of time. I turned around to run back. Two more dementors were at the other corner. Great. Just what I needed; dementors to suck out my happiness and no wand in an empty street. I felt my legs begin to shake and decided that I had no choice but to try and run right into the dementors to at least get onto a populated street so someone could hear me-
But no one would hear me. I couldn't scream for help. I had no way of escaping. I finally collapsed in the cold street and allowed the tears to stream down my face. What had I done? I knew this would destroy everyone if I died or had my soul sucked out of me. Yet I was stupid enough to leave the safe place I was in and go out into the terrifying world that held many unknown surprises.
I felt the cold spread through my body and knew the dementors were descending upon me. I didn't move. There was nothing I could do now. I felt my mind go blank and my eyes roll into to the back of my head. I was sinking in some deep lake, but for some reason, I didn't care. I allowed my body to be dragged down. Somewhere in the back of my head, a sense of déjà vu hit me, but I couldn't recall what it reminded me of. After a minute of strange sensations, I felt nothing.
When I came to, the first thing I noticed was how heavy and tired I felt. I tried to lift my arm but it felt too weighted to be moved. My eyes were like lead and refused to open. I made an awful moaning sound, which caused me so much pain I no longer felt limp. In fact, I jumped up and fell out of the bed I was in. I couldn't see who helped me to back into the bed, but they soon handed me my glasses, though rather roughly. I blinked a couple of times and was surprised to see Snape standing there.
He thrust something at me and said, "Eat it." I looked at what he was holding. Chocolate. He noticed my hesitation and scoffed, "Why would I save your life just to poison you directly after?" I grabbed it, but still looked it over before taking a small bite. Snape simply scowled.
He sat down in a chair next to the bed. "Explain," he demanded. As soon as the word was out of his mouth, however, his eyes went wide and his sallow face blanched making him look like a ghost. "I-I mean..." Snape looked away, clearly ashamed.
I was amazed at his reaction to a little slip of his tongue (slightly jealous that he still had a tongue). I'd never heard Snape stutter and didn't think he was capable of shame or any other emotion.
I looked everywhere but him, trying to think of a way out of this awkward situation. After several minutes of silence, Snape abruptly stood up and stalked out of the room, leaving me behind to process everything that had happened.
I don't remember why I took this with me when I left Grimmauld Place. But either way, here I am now. Writing to nobody. Or maybe somebody is reading this. If so, can you help me? Help me get my voice back? Or better yet, end my nightmare called life.
Thank you for being so patient! Sorry this update took so long. I had writer's block for SO long! Help me out by reviewing what you'd like to see and I might be able to find a way to incorporate your idea(s)! Thanks for reading! I hope to update again soon.
aloasa- We're getting there! I'm still trying to figure out how to show that, so any ideas you have will help tremendously! Thanks for reviewing!
Bookwormkat1 -It's part muscle, part organ. x3 I'm getting there! Patience is a virtue! xD I might have to write a different fanfiction with McGonagall, because I'm just not sure how to bring her into this one! She might make an appearance later though!
