A/N: In honor of me not having to work during SmackDown on Friday, here is an update. I love Edge. This is amazing. Whoever the creative writer is that had the idea of recruiting the Major Brothers to be Edge's minions, I bow down to you. I think they've been reading my stuff…recruiting minions and everything. I also bow down to whoever the GENIUS was that decided that Rated-RKO should be the champions AT THE SAME TIME! This is great! AND Cody's a tag champ! BAH GAWD this is amazing.
Edge bashes a lot of people in this one.
I hate ring announcers. They suck. Let my entrance speak for itself, ass wipes. I don't need them fucking up my mojo like that. I am awesome. They are not. I hate commentators, too. They don't do me justice. I'll give all these horrible wannabe Edge minions their own sections. God, I hate them.
Public enemy number one: Lillian Garcia
YUCK! I SWEAR, I'D RATHER HEAR JILLIAN SING! Okay, that's a long shot, but she still sucks. That's why I hide when she sings the National Anthem before each show. Actually, I believe that she was one of the reasons I left RAW. I don't need my eardrums shattered by her crap. I need them to hear the crowd chanting for me.
I hate how her voice changes whenever she announces someone foreign. I mean, sure, okay, she may have a tad bit of Spanish in her. Good for her, she can speak another language. You don't need to shove it in our faces when you announce Santino Marella's name. Wait, that fucker is Italian, not Spanish. Why, Lillian, do you insist on changing your voice? You are not a little boy going through puberty. At least, I hope not. Can't you just pronounce names normally? I mean, technically, I'm foreign, but you don't hear me changing my accent to sound cool. I love my Canadian accent.
Her album sucked. How do I know that? Hell, I'd never listen to it. I keep up on the music charts. I'm a music guy. You know that. Anyways, I don't even think it reached like number 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.
Public enemy number two: Jim Ross
Okay, rhinestone cowboy. No wonder JBL looks up to you.
He's old. He's fat. He says the same thing over and over again.
No one is running like a scalded dog.
No one is being beaten like a government mule.
JR, are you trying to insinuate that you are smarter than everyone else since your horrible analogies do not make sense to Canadians? Well, let me tell you something, guy. You suck.
Hall of fame my ass. I'll get into the HoF by actually doing stuff. You just got in there my sitting on your fat ass and jabbering nonsense with King. Gross. I would rather die than have my name be synonymous with a cradle robbing freak like King.
Public enemy number three: Tazz
Ha! I'm not even wasting my time on this. He's so morbidly obese. He's like Big Daddy V's mobster cousin.
Cut back on the pizza, man.
Wasn't he the innovator of the retard circus?
Public enemy number four: Tony Chimel
Who? This guy is so bad that he got demoted to the retard circus. That needs no explanation.
Public enemy number five: Justin Roberts
Wasn't he just some lame guy they found outside a gay bar? I'm surprised that I even remembered his name, let alone that he's the SmackDown ring announcer. He looks like Todd Grisham's straight brother.
Public enemy number six: Michael fucking Cole
Okay, John Cena was right about one thing: Michael Cole doesn't like boobies. That man is such a dick lover. Only a gay man would put up with JBL like that.
Did you know that Michael Cole runs the WWE website? Well, if you didn't, now you do. There is a reason he's taken this job, though. It's so he can look up gay porn all day at work and waste company time. Jackass.
Public enemy number seven: Todd Grisham
I can't believe he's taking a back seat to Maria's dumb ass. AND he got demoted to doing the Diva Search. GROSS!
Did anyone else see that Diva Search video with Todd Grisham in the bed? OH MY GOD! I wanted to pour bleach in my eyes so I'd never have to stumble across that again. The things that are allowed to be put on youtube these days…
I always loved having Todd interview me. He was so easy to mess with. I mean, the guy just sits there and takes it like a little bitch! I should have taken his glasses and stomped on them. That would have made me giggle, and not much makes me giggle.
Public enemy number eight: Joey Styles
OH MY GOD he sucks. That's basically it.
I mean, I suppose I should give him props for graduating from the old ECW to RAW like two years ago.
But then I laugh because he got sent back to the new and not improved ECW. That's great! That just shows how much he sucks. It's the ultimate insult to get sent to ECW. Take that, Chimel.
Now I'm bored. Talking about all these jerks made me hungry. I'm going to have Vickie make me dinner while I celebrate my AWESOME championship victory with the Major Brothers.
A/N: I've figured out who my next victim is. YES!
Review.
