A/N: I can't think of a proper author's note. Damn.
What's up, Edgeheads? Edge is back and ringing in the New Year, Rated-R Superstar style. I'll start my New Year's bashings with one of your favorite pathetic Diva's, Torrie Wilson.
Torrie Wilson should just simply date Batista. They are like both child molesters. Torrie Wilson, first of all, married Billy Kidman. Gross. Anyways, now after she divorced him, she's dating one of the old Spirit Squad members. She's like thirty-something and he's like twelve. That's illegal. I bet she slept with the cops so they wouldn't arrest her. Wow, the WWE locker room seems to be full of child molesters.
For the record, I do not find children attractive.
How about I start on how hot you numb skulls think Torrie is? She's ugly. She looks horrible as a bottle blonde. She has so much bleach in there that pretty soon she's going to look like Vince at Wrestlemania 23. Actually, I think she might look better that way. Wait, her horrible hair did always distract me from her face and body.
Seriously, she looks like a fucking bug. I have no idea how she got to pose for Playboy...twice. I mean, weren't the lawsuits from geriatric old men enough from the first time she posed? They all keeled over and died from seeing that horrible bitch published in the pages of a magazine, yet they had to put her in again. Okay, the population is only really a problem in China, so Torrie Wilson is not a good form of population control here. Heck, I guess Torrie could market herself as a good form of birth control. She's killing off all the men so they can't spread their demon seeds. Trojan might have to file a lawsuit against her then. There will be a severe decrease in condom sales.
She really is disgusting and old. I think she looks like an overcooked hot dog. Not a grilled hot dog, though, a boiled one. She spends so much time in the tanning bed that she has about the same color skin. Her body is so old and saggy that when she tosses her hip out to the side, her skin folds over itself and then her skin resembles that of an overcooked hot dog. It's disgusting. She should not be a Diva. Hell, by the way her body's looking now, she could be Ric Flair's twin sister. They already have the same colored hair.
I still don't understand how she got to be a Playboy Bunny. I'll never get over it. She's so nasty that they might as well put me on the cover of that damn magazine. Wait, that would get them more money. I know that men buy it, but at least I'd be going into it knowing that unlike Shawn Michaels...and then men that "read" Playboy aren't gay. They'd just be looking at me wishing they could be like me. I'm like a fucking Adonis. I'd be the ultimate for what a man could be. It would be great. And since I'd be on the cover, I'd get unrestricted access to the grotto, meaning I can fuck all of the Playboy girls that are actually hot.
Moving on...
No, wait. I'm done. I'll just go on thinking about how awesome I am now. Goodbye, hood rats.
A/N: I feel better now.
Review.
