A/N: Apparently, I'm on a heel rampage right now. Time for more Edge. I just updated my Kennedy (Kennedy) story. Read that. I like it.
Jonathan Coachman is a heel's dream. A bad guy, like myself, can get him to do whatever the fuck they want. He's so ass whipped, which is in now way a reference to Santino Marella's poor use of the Canadian language, by Vince McMahon. It's pathetic. Jonathan Coachman needs to grow some fucking balls and stand up for himself.
I hate how he runs around in his little suits as if he was a professional. Remember when Vince peed on him? Yeah, Coach's ugly suits definitely got what they deserved. I think I should buy a television slot on Canadian public access and run an episode of "Pimp My Coachman." Edge knows fashion. I'd make him look cool. Wait, I hate Coach. I'll dress him up in a giant chicken costume and tell him that yellow feathers are all the rage this season. Coach is such a dumbass, he won't know the difference. That thought makes me all warm and tingly inside, just like hitting Matt Hardy with a ladder does.
I love how Coach thinks he has such great mic skills. I'll battle rap him anytime, and I mean like a Christian battle rap since Christian is awesome. I wish he was still here. If he was still in WWE instead of that shit hole known as TNA, he would be the only one that I wouldn't be making fun of. Okay, that's not entirely true. I might call him a dorkchop once or twice. Hell, he'd probably be joining me in the bashings. Can you imagine that? Okay, back to Jonathan Douche-man. He talks all slow like a retard. He really has nothing good to say. He takes whatever stupid message Vince has him relay to us and makes it painful to listen to. Good job, Douche-man.
Jonathan Coachman looks like a lonely librarian. If you need me to explain, then you suck.
Oh, I'm going to ruin the SmackDown surprise for you! Well, you know how JBL left my show? So, they pretty much need a new color commentator to talk about how awesome I am. Guess who it is? You guys haven't seen it yet since it didn't air but…
IT'S JONATHAN FUCKING COACHMAN!
And no one asked me if it was okay if he invaded my show like that. I guess it's a good thing for ol' Douche-man. He's forced to talk about how awesome I am. I love it when everyone talks about Edge being great. It makes everyone happy. The fans cannot get enough of Edge. It's true. Prove me wrong. Don't give me crap about that Sign Guy, either. His signs suck.
Jonathan Coachman is a worthless being in the WWE, therefore he deserves no more of my time.
Peace out, dickwads.
A/N: Thanks, Dom.
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