A/N: It's funny...of course they're going to target one of the more popular stories on here...

Due to popular request, Mr. Noble will be in here.

It appears as if I only have rejects left to rant on! Hooray for me! Where's my damn kazoo?

Clearly, RAW has more losers than SmackDown does. I make up for those losers just by being on that show, though. They are graced with my perfection and it dawns upon them like the first light snowfall of winter that frosts the houses like fresh powdered sugar.

Enough nice crap. I'm talking about the dolts on my show. They're lucky that they are on my show, or else they would be worse than they already are.

Jesse and Festus

Excuse me while I spit out the water I'm about to sip on. Okay, Jesse looks like Shannon Moore's more hick like and less emo brother. Festus looks like...I don't know what Festus looks like, and that's a good thing. Oh yeah, he was that fake Kane impostor from forever ago. Put that fucking mask back on.

What is he, a one of those Pavlov's dogs? Classical conditioning my ass. There is no way in hell that a human would turn to a beast just because he heard a bell. He is not a demolition machine or whatever it is he's being called. I'll kick his ass. Please let me get in the ring with that freak. I'll spear that stupid look right off of his face before the bell rings.

Jesse? Well, I think I'd rather listen to Festus talk. Jesse always looks like he needs to fucking pee whenever he talks. He gets so excited. What for? I think he just likes standing next to Festus. I need to get those images out of my head now.

Jamie Noble

Yes! I love Jamie Noble for the pure fact that he is more stupid than he realizes. I don't really love Jamie Noble. I've made it clear plenty of times that I am not a homosexual. He's so fun to watch because he fucks up all the time. I love watching him get shot down. And his date with Michelle McCool was priceless!

Why would you refer to yourself as the "Pitbull?" No! A man cannot refer to himself as a bitch like that. That's what Cena does, dude.

Jamie Noble got beat by HORNSWOGGLE about how many times? That's embarrassing enough. I don't need to go on any further.

Funaki

So, now that Taijiri is gone, we still have another Japanese fool running around? What does he do now? Since SmackDown decided to hire a bunch of stupid Divas with no mic skills to interview the wrestlers, Funaki's been shit out of luck. No, you are no longer "SmackDown's number one announcer." You were a good announcer when John Cena was still rapping. Fool.

I don't think you had your visa with you last time I saw you. I could get you deported for that. It's not like you have a reason to stay now that the Cruiserweight Championship has been vacated.

Gregory Helms

He needs to go back to being The Hurricane. It was at least amusing for me to watch.

The new Gregory Helms puts me to fucking sleep.

I love how he turned all ghetto fabulous when he ditched the superhero costume. He came out in do rags or however you spell those. What the hell? Why would you want that pantyhose on your head? Wait, you hang out with the Hardys and Shannon Moore outside of the ring. I forgot. My bad. I mean, I can understand why you would try to hide that fact on SmackDown, but you have fallen victim to the technological age. Myspace and youtube are not safe havens for things you want kept secret, ol' Greggie.

Green was your color, man. You look kind of gay in that purple thing. I think that the homosexuality factor multiplies with the fact that your finisher is called the Shining Wizard. Um, Dumbledore is gay, remember? Dumbledore wore a lot of purple, too. Sensing a theme?

That's it. I need to go read some Harry Potter now to refresh my mind.

A/N: I don't have a lot of people left, so I'm not quite sure how many more chapters there are going to be...

Review.