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This chapter took me a long time to write, because I wasn't sure how I would tell this story. It deals with rape. If this bothers you, please don't read.
Kensi was amazed Deeks could be quiet for so long. She just needed to out-wait him, because someone needed to break the silence and it wasn't going to be her. Let him stew in his own juices of guilt. How could he have kept something so important from her? It was her body that had gone through hell, not his. Who did he think he was?
Deeks just wanted to erase the last hour, no, make that the last few months. He should have been the one who went with the Russians, and he should have told Kensi about his feelings regarding Talbot. But unfortunately in life, one doesn't get a redo. Instead one has to deal with what life hands one. Probably about now, Kensi hated him. Not that he blamed her.
"Kensi?" Deeks tentatively asked her.
"Yeah, Deeks." Kensi sighed.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" Leave it to Deeks to be so blunt.
"Why didn't you tell me you knew I was pregnant?"
"I'm really sorry. You need to talk to Hetty. We didn't think that Dr. Walter would tell you."
"I'm supposed to think you were noble? Do you think I can trust you again?"
Deeks felt like crap. Couldn't she see how much he cared for her? "Kensi, none of it was a lie. I just listened to Hetty and kept the pregnancy info from you. Everything else was and is real."
"I don't know what to think right now."
"Trust me Kens, I'm here for you and I will continue to be here for you."
"I can't right now. Give me time."
"What do you need me to do?"
"Just keep silent."
"Whatever you need Kens." Deeks really hoped Kensi could forgive him.
How does one explain something one didn't even know happened? Shock, embarrassment, anger, sadness and other emotions were warring for attention. She knew exactly when she would have gotten pregnant. But she was not intending for anyone to find out. If Dr. Walter wouldn't have blabbed to Hetty and Deeks, no one would have been the wiser, not even her. One didn't survive in this business she was in for long, if she let anything interfere with the other's opinion of her. Of course they all knew she was a female, but they couldn't handle it when she let her female emotional side show. She had to act tough.
Deeks' leg started twitching. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and stood up to leave, "I think I'll go and get some coffee." Kensi just silently stared after him.
It was true, she had felt a maternal twinge on and off over the years, especially when Jack was in the picture, but usually only when she had extreme PMS. She couldn't believe she was sad, because if she would have known she was pregnant she would never have wanted to keep the child. Why did she feel like crying, and mourning for the loss of this child? She better get her emotions under control before Deeks or Hetty show up.
Kensi was so wrapped up in her thoughts she didn't hear Hetty come in. "Hello Ms. Blye." Hetty could tell that Kensi had been crying. Offering Kensi her handkerchief out of her left pocket, Kensi tried to quickly swipe her eyes, trying to remove all trace of tears.
Hetty was taken aback by the viciousness in Kensi's voice, "Why would you keep something so important from me? Why didn't you tell me I had been pregnant? You know I would be upset!"
"I'm sorry Ms Blye. I did what I thought was best for you at the time. You had just had a life-threatening brain injury, two major surgeries and you nearly died. We weren't sure if you were stable enough to discuss something so personal. I would prefer never talking to you about it. It was none of our business."
Kensi seemed exhausted when she told Hetty, "Hetty, I really need some time alone. Please give me some time."
Hetty patted Kensi's leg as she left the room. Kensi barely noticed, she was back to thinking about Hetty's words.
The adrenaline that had been coursing through Kensi's body completely left her. The memories she held at bay for so long came flooding back and she could no longer keep them from coming as one could keep the tide from coming in.
Kensi had complete confidence in Deeks and the team's ability to find and retrieve her when the Russians took her. She could tell Deeks really wanted to take her spot, but she wasn't sure that he could handle it. She was used to dealing with terrorists and he wasn't. She knew when to keep her mouth shut, while he couldn't keep serious to save his life. She knew she would be safe because the Russians wanted the black book. "…Nice try Deeks. It's ok. You'll get me back."
After she got in the car with the three guys, she nicknamed Curly, Larry and Moe (Deeks would have been proud of her) Moe blindfolded and handcuffed her. Curly told her, "Don't worry, we jut want the little black book and nothing will happen to you.", while Larry kept his gun on trained on her the whole time. They took her someplace that had a lot of furniture and boxes, probably a warehouse. They forced her to walk in front of them and placed her in a chair. Larry talked on the phone, while the other two talked to each other in Russian. Sometimes they would interject themselves into Larry's conversation every so often. It really would have been helpful to have learned the Russian Callen kept on trying to teach her. She kept on trying to pay attention that would give her a clue of where she was. After Larry got off the phone, they moved away from her and quietly talk to each other.
Suddenly three boisterous Russian voices joined the three men. The three quiet voices became six angry voices. She tried her best to be invisible. It took her a few moments to realize there were only two voices left and she didn't recognize them. Their Russian conversation was filled with yelling, ribbing and laughter.
Her bladder that had been niggling her before made its presence known. There was no way that she could avoid asking them to take her to the bathroom. "Excuse me, I really need to go to the bathroom. Could you please take me?"
The one Russian said something to the other and laughed before replying in heavily accented English, "Ok, I'll take you."
"Do you think you could take off my blindfold and handcuffs so I can go to the bathroom?" Kensi said with a laugh.
"I don't think so!"
"Well could you at least take off my handcuffs?"
"Sure, but don't try anything funny."
"Thanks."
They grabbed her arm and pulled her up and removed her handcuffs. Since she kept on stumbling over boxes that were jutting into the path she was being taken on, she held out her hands to keep from falling. She noticed that the two Russians kept on talking to each other and every time the one closest to her would answer, he turned away from her. The Russian farthest away from her finished his sentence and the Russian started answering him and turned away from her again. Kensi took this opportunity to grab onto some boxes and throw them into the path behind her. She grabbed her blindfold off with the one hand, while she grabbed more boxes. It took a few moments for eyes to adjust but she kept on running forward. The guys stumbled over the boxes and were tripping over each other. She reached the door under the exit sign expecting to escape the warehouse, except she entered a long hallway with doors every few feet. She ran down a hallway trying to find a way out. She was busy trying each doorknob, while her hands were shaking. The smaller of the guys, definitely the faster one, caught her shoulder. She brought her leg up to kick the first guy and hit him in the balls. But she couldn't escape the second guy who dragged her back to the warehouse. She fought with all of her might, but he was too strong.
Her body was smashed against a wall and her upper body was pinned with the guy's shoulder. She squirmed and twisted trying to get away, as he brought his hand around her front, unbuckled her jeans and pulled them down to her knees. Kensi pushed with all her might and managed to push herself off the wall. But her reprieve was short lived, because she was grabbed from behind and pushed onto a desk covered with office supplies. The other guy grabbed her arms and held her down. Cold fear wrapped around her heart when she heard the guy behind her unbuckles his jeans. They took their turns raping her from behind.
When it was mercifully over, one of the guys told Kensi, "Put on your pants, I'll take you to the bathroom now, but you better not do anything, or something worse will happen."
This time, Kensi was desperate to reach the bathroom. She really needed to go pee and just wanted to clean herself up. She splashed cold water over her face. The guys who raped would never know how she was affected and the guys she worked with could never know this happened.
By the time Curly, Larry and Moe and the other guy came back, Kensi was handcuffed and blindfolded once again.
"Get to your feet; we're going to take you for a ride." One of the men helped Kensi to her feet and forced her to walk in front of him. The other men followed behind. Curly, Larry and Moe got into the car with Kensi. The other three men went into their own car and drove off.
Kensi could hear the traffic but had no idea where they were taking her. "Walk!" They forced her to get out of the car and walk between them up some stairs. Kensi stumbled at the top of the stairs, but didn't fall, because the two men held on to her.
Kensi could tell they were going into a building, but she had no idea where they were. "Stop!" Kensi was turned around so that her hands were touching a wall. Her blindfold and handcuffs were removed. A gun was trained on her. It took her a few seconds to adjust to the light and then she could see the three men were walking backwards, still keeping their guns trained on her.
"Before you think of escaping, know that we have rigged up the room with laser beams. You need to stand still, because if you dare to move, you will blow up." There was nothing left for Kensi to do but stand still until help came or she blew up.
Kensi was thankful Deeks came to save her, but she was especially thankful for the explosion, because it would explain any of the bruises she had.
Kensi just didn't know what to do. There was no way she could ever tell Deeks or the others what happened, but she had to tell them something.
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