A/N: I had just uploaded a new story, and then I realized something.
I have yet to bash UMAGA! How could I forget? I hate that guy!
I was going to do Michelle McCool and Lena Yada, but this is more fun. I hate Umaga.
There's not much to say about Umaga, but that's only because he doesn't do anything except imitate Melina in the ring. No, you fools, I'm not talking about her shitty ring entrance. I'm talking about the primal yell. Did you honestly think that Umaga just did it for fun? Did you think that he did it to intimidate his opponents? Did you think that he does it to scare children? No. Melina was there first. Clearly, Umaga copped that shit.
Umaga needs better ring attire. What happened to that damn hula skirt he used to wear down to the ring? At least it was slightly entertaining to see some fat guy in a hula skirt, but now that's just horrible. And he needs to take his face off of his wrestling tights. He shouldn't even be wearing tights. He should be wearing a strait jacket. Either that or I could just put a blanket over him. That works, too.
I think it's pretty shameful to have your nine month winning streak broken by John Cena. Need I say more?
Does Umaga think he's a gangster? I mean, he does have those corn rows or dreadlocks or whatever…and he does wear war paint.
What kind of finisher is the Samoan Spike? In the bedroom, my finisher is the Canadian Spike, but that's another story. But like Umaga wraps up his spike, I have to do the same. Sorry, I forgot there were stupid children reading.
Not only did this guy lose to John Cena, but he lost his Intercontinental Championship to the joke himself, Santino Marella. Of course, Armando would probably blame that on interference by Bobby Lashley. Yeah, that may be true, but at least I'd be able to fight him off. After all, I did beat John Cena for the WWE Championship. Bobby Lashley didn't.
Umaga and Khali probably have child sacrifice ceremonies in Armando's basement. Oh, did I mention that Armando and Ranjin live together? Okay, maybe that's not true but it damn sure is funny.
That brings me onto Armando. Where did he go? One day, he's the General Manager of ECW. Okay, "General Manager" is kind of a generous term. He's more like the zookeeper. No, he's more like that guy that cleans the toilets at the amusement park. Yeah, that's it. You know why? Because ECW is full of shit. If you don't believe me, then watch it yourself. Just don't come crying to me when you die of boredom.
One good thing about Armando is that he must keep himself very well hydrated. He sweats like he's got enough in his system. He really does get sweaty pits all the time. Hasn't that guy heard of deodorant? Well, based on the stench of Umaga, I guess not. Also, if he wasn't well hydrated, he wouldn't have enough saliva in his mouth to spit all the time. And his throat would be dry so he couldn't hold out his name for that long. I swear, he's worse than Mr. Kennedy.
Armando likes to suck on cigars. That needs no explanation.
I think I can smell Umaga coming now. I need to go puke…
A/N: I forgot to mention that I got (gasp!) another flame! And it was from the same loser as before.
Seriously, get a more original idea than "Insert wrestler here's Bitch." But I must thank you for the cheap laughs.
Anyways…review.
