A/N: I keep forgetting that I still have to mess with John Cena.
Edge is grinning right now.
There's still more useless trash running around that I haven't bashed yet? Come on! This is ridiculous! And I can't believe that two of them are on SmackDown. Hasn't the WWE realized that they need to dial Lita? Hell, even Trish would do some justice, but that's only because she's Canadian.
That brings me to Michelle McCool. I am shocked that she got her own series of vignettes showing her skating around and doing other mundane activities. Watching me do that stuff would be more interesting. Didn't you see the vignette of me and Vickie? That video was only brilliant because I was in it. And how come she's called the All-American Girl? Um, I thought that American Girl was a series of ugly dolls that are way too expensive. Well, Michelle McCool is like an ugly prostitute that probably charges way too much, so I guess there's a slight similarity. Come on, WWE. Run me a series of vignettes called the All-Canadian Boy. That would rock harder than Alter Bridge.
I bet all of her students failed her class. And I bet it wasn't because they were staring at her. Okay, that was probably it. They were staring at how hideously nasty she is. Did you know she used to be anorexic? Yeah! And she also worked for Cosmopolitan. I guess she was the fashion consultant. That makes me laugh. She is so gross!
And she got her ass DUMPED by Chuck Palumbo! That kind of behavior makes me laugh. And now she got demoted to Jamie Noble. I think that's fantastic.
Who is Lena Yada? That sounds like some sort of Yoda demon child. Why is she here? Hell, why are any of the Divas here anymore? Lita would Litacanrana her ass so hardcore and I would laugh. I bet she won't even wrestle. Hell, Anastacia lasted about a month. I give Lena two, and that's being generous.
She didn't win the Diva Search for a reason. No one even likes the current winner. Why would they sign another useless girl? Do they like wasting money?
Oh, Maria…Where do I start on Maria? One, she's a dumbass. Two, she's a dumbass that can't wrestle. Three, she's a dumbass that can't wrestle and turned Playboy down. Four, she's a dumbass that can't wrestle and turned Playboy down but now all of a sudden changed her mind.
I'm sorry, but seeing Torrie Wilson, Christie Hemme, Candice Michelle, and Ashley on the cover of Playboy was bad enough. I'm glad I'm on SmackDown this time around so I don't have to see the unveiling of the cover.
Remember when she called Chris Masters "The Masturbate" instead of "The Masterpiece?" I didn't know she could even pronounce "masturbate," let alone know the word. She then proceeded to sing the theme song of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Are you kidding me? Who watches that crap?
Maria needs to stop shimmying her nonexistent tits when she hops up on the turnbuckle. It's repulsing. No one likes that. She also needs to wear more clothes. There is only one person in the WWE sexy enough to wear less clothing, and that is me.
I am so glad that none of these girls are from Canada. I would be embarrassed for my country if I shared the same Canadian blood as them. God, Christian would be terrified…
Those dorkchops.
Can I bash Cena yet?
No?
I still have more losers to make fun of?
Fuck.
A/N: Review.
