A/N: I got flamed again.
I must admit, it was the worst flame ever.
You know what? I'm doing recommended reading. This is for Katilyn. Okay, this is what I want you guys to do. Search under tragedy and completed fics. There's one called "john cenas secret pain" (yes, just like that). It is the funniest thing I've ever read in my life. Then go read their other story. It is…pathetic.
I'm going to save my show for last. Since tonight was the debut of WWEHD on RAW, we'll take a gander at the rest of those dorkchops.
DH Smith
I remember when he got suspended for steroids like two or three weeks into his WWE career.
Way to make an impact.
Yay! We have yet another little Randy Orton wannabe! They're all coming in here because of their little daddies. First Cody Rhodes and now this. What a shame. McDonalds sure is losing out on model employees.
DH…does that stand for "Dick Head?" I think it just might. And now, I was not making any John Morrison/CM Punk argument references. Wait, I think he was still Nitro then. Oh well. I'll toss his ass into the Palace of Wisdom. Shit, I'm not supposed to be talking about ECW anymore.
Fuck.
Drew McIntyre
Ah, yet another loser condemned to Heat hell forever.
That is the stuff that makes me laugh. He'll never be like Edge, I mean me. See, I'm so brilliant that sometimes I forget that I am who I am.
Then again, he was trained by Dave Taylor. That explains it all. I wouldn't expect anything more from that kid.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
This man looks like he needs a good HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to fuck.
He can't have Lita. She isn't a ho.
He won the first Royal Rumble. This is like the twenty-first Royal Rumble on Sunday. I think that means it's time to retire. He can take Ric Flair with him.
I hate how he carries that wood around. He's overcompensating. The only wood that large in the WWE locker room is in my pants.
Scratch that. The wood in my pants makes Duggan's two by four look like a toothpick.
Jillian Hall
I want to put a bag over her head for two reasons.
One, she can't sing. Maybe that will stifle her voice a bit.
Two, she's haggard as fuck. I think she looked better with that mole on her face.
That might have been the only good thing the Boogeyman has ever done.
The Highlanders
Yeah…
They just got their asses kicked by Finlay and Hornswoggle. I think that's punishment enough.
But they totally stole Vito's gimmick. You know, the whole dress wearing thing. Don't give me shit about it being their heritage or anything like that. I know better.
Ron Simmons
I've got two words for Ron Simmons, and neither of them are "suck," "it," or "damn."
They are "fuck you."
That is the cheapest pop ever! Talk about lack of charisma.
Plus, he teamed up with JBL. That's horrible.
Super Crazy
You are not super, but you are crazy. Super crazy, in fact.
You really should have been wearing your helmet when you were a part of the Mexicools. You were operating a moving vehicle with no head protection. I could get a cop to write you up a ticket for that monstrosity. I'm just thinking of the safety of everyone. I don't want to see any cracked skulls.
Well, I do, but I want to be the one that cracks them.
Val Venis
I don't care that he was a former porn star. It was probably gay porn.
My ring name used to be Sexton Hardcastle, for crying out loud! That's freaking hot.
I think we need to spray whoever catches his towel with insecticide. We need to kill those crabs before they spread. My hair is too precious to be infested with those…things.
William Regal
Ha.
Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaha!
Oh, Regal…
How I want him to botch my name so badly…
Triple "Haitche."
"You-main-ga."
I can't continue with that. I got it!
"Hedge."
I might laugh in his face.
I love how he thinks he's doing stuff properly. Come on, Regal, we all know you had Lashley and Big Show stashed behind the curtain. They might have gotten "Haitche" out of the Rumble, but you took it upon yourself to get your own ass kicked.
I must say, though, that his use of foreign objects is quite original. I'm just waiting for him to pick up Hornswoggle and swing him around like a baseball bat. I think if he did that, he could have beaten "Haitche." Then again, I think "Hatiche" and Hornswoggle have a soft spot for each other. I could be wrong, but I'm never wrong.
I'm done with RAW.
One more show to go, and then…
I take the holy hell out of John Cena.
A/N: I might cry when this is over. It's so sad.
Review.
